Last we checked in on Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model and former NFL spokesperson Marisa Miller, she was doing that thing that attractive female celebrities do when they’re pregnant, when they pose nude to show off their huge stomachs because being a creator of life is the most beautiful thing in the world. It’s also a great way to remind people in this era of short attention spans that you are still one of the most gorgeous women on the planet, in case all the dudes and bros had moved on to greener, younger pastures.

Well, forget Miller no more, friends, because she gave birth to her first child over the weekend, and she and her husband, whose name I will never look up because he has a faux hawk, named their son Gavin Lee Guess. Before you mock them, that is significantly better than the first idea, Edward Hardy True Religion.

Son Gavin Lee Guess was born in Santa Cruz, Calif. at 7:58 p.m., weighing in at 8 lbs., 10 oz. and measuring 22¼ inches long.

“I’m completely overjoyed by the birth of our son. I feel so blessed to be a mom and am so excited to experience this next part of life,” the model, 34, tells PEOPLE.

“Gaining weight is part of charting your progress,” the actress, who will next star opposite Ryan Reynolds in R.I.P.D., explained. “Yes, I was seeing numbers I had never seen before, but I let go of that because I had a new goal and focus.” (Via People)

Now this is where I would normally go off on a little rant about how Hollywood has this tired tendency of turning hot models into actresses because pervs like me will naturally and gladly shell out $12 to go see that film with the hopes that we might see some boobies. And I even mentioned this in my award-winning Worst Movies of 2012 feature on FilmDrunk last week, using Brooklyn Decker in Battleship as my example.

But I’m not going to do that here, because did you see Decker on The League last week? She was phenomenal! She played possibly the best c*nt in the history of TV on a show that is just overflowing with horrible people. Seriously, she should win an Emmy for the Best Bitch in a Cameo Performance, especially with how well she pulled off the upper decker line. Amazing television right there.

Anywho, after the jump, I have an exclusive first picture of Miller’s new baby boy.

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I apologize for not keeping proper tabs on the WAGS of the Olympics, as I’ve been too busy sulking over the fact that my Russian long jumper girlfriend Darya Klishina is not competing in London. But the above photo surfaced with some others the other day of that young lady sneaking out of a club with some U.S. swimmers and my natural instinct was BOING. Wait no, I mean, “Who is that ravishing woman?”

Well it didn’t take long for the Internet to figure out – but we’re the perverts, you see – that the woman in question is 21-year old model Megan Rossee, who is apparently Michael Phelps’ main squeeze. It was hard to figure it out, too, because it’s not like she spends all day Tweeting at Phelps and calling him cute nicknames like “Bear”. Oh wait, she totally does that. Anywho, the two met at a night club in Las Vegas, which is where all true love begins, so we wish Phelps and Rossee nothing but the best of luck in all of their Subway avocado goop dreams.

After the jump, introduce yourself to Megan Rossee as she stands on the horizon of stardom.

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Internet super sleuth Jimmy Traina revealed an interesting little tidbit about Anaheim Angels ace C.J. Wilson in yesterday’s PM edition of Hot Clicks. It seems that the top free agent pitching acquisition of the past offseason has not only been enjoying his team’s bounce back from a horrendous start – they’re now in second in the AL West, 10 games above .500 and 4 back of Texas – but also a little off-the-radar relationship with a special young lady.

That lady, as it turns out, is 23-year old Brazilian model Lisalla Montenegro. While we don’t know very much about this lovely young lady, we do know that Wilson told Traina that they’re trying to keep their relationship on the downlow and would like for people to respect their privacy.

Hey, we read you loud and clear, C.J., which is why in this collection of pictures that I gathered of Lisalla after the jump, you’re not in any of them.

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When Tom Brady dumped his girlfriend, actress Bridget Moynahan, while she was pregnant a few years ago, I couldn’t believe what a dick he was. But then he started dating super duper model Gisele Bündchen, and I was like, “Yeah that makes sense now” because if being arguably the best quarterback in the history of the NFL isn’t enough, Brady can soon lay claim to being married to the world’s first billionaire model.

At least that’s what pace Gisele is on now that she has released her own lingerie line for the Brazilian company Hope. Think about that the next time you brag that your wife showed her boobs for free drinks at Chili’s.

After the 40-piece collection hit stores across Brazil the fashion retailer Hope reported a 40 per cent increase in turnover.

Now, the range is expected to be a hit with shoppers worldwide.

And with her products endorsements and business ventures earning a total of £29 million last year, Bündchen is now believed to be on track to becoming the world’s first billionaire supermodel. (Via The Daily Mail)

I’m just going to lay this out there for people to debate – Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen > Jay-Z and Beyoncé > David Beckham and Sporty Baby Scary Ginger Posh Victoria Beckham. I don’t even really think it’s debatable. Find me a bigger power couple than a franchise QB with 3 (possibly 4+) Super Bowl rings and a 31-year old billionaire supermodel wife whose abs could crack a diamond.

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In yesterday’s morning links I posted a “Hitler reacts to the Broncos beating the Steelers” video and joked

Somebody make “Sh*t Tim Tebow Says”!

Well thanks, Internet, I guess. It even features him talking about Chuck Norris. I’m gonna go lie down. Via Mentality Magazine.

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Links

‘Sh*t Nobody Says’ And Providing Closure For A Played Out Meme - Closure, or an opening for someone to make a Sh*t Kate Upton Says that is nothing but here going LOL I’M HAVING SO MUCH FUN TAKING PICTURES and sends it to me. [UPROXX]

Kate Upton Did Something Fun With Kids - Speaking of America’s Best Girl, here’s a picture of Kate putting her lips on a trophy. Not pictured: me collapsing and writhing around on the floor. [With Leather]

10 Television Series that Outstayed their Welcome - This is a pretty definitive list, if only for that last season of Roseanne. Scrubs outstayed its welcome the second time Zach Braff scrunched his face up and looked up and to the left to show us he’s “remembering”. [Warming Glow]

Hustle Blood: Big Boi’s 20 Best Guest Appearances - My favorite Big Boi appearance is on the Coors Light ads by the escalators in Tower City Mall you had to look at when you parked there to go to Indians games. [Smoking Section]

Stephen Colbert May Join The Race For The Republican Presidential Nomination - I’d vote for him, not because he’s funny, but because he could legitimately do a better job than most of these whack-jobs. [UPROXX]

DROP EVERYTHING! The new Bill Murray/Wes Anderson has a trailer. - YESSSSSSS. Wes Anderson is like crack to me, I don’t care if everything he does is “the same”. It isn’t, and he rules. [Film Drunk]

Repeat After Me: “I Will Not Take Tax Advice From Trina Or Any Rapper” - Once I tried to make a Sprite can disappear in my mouth. I thought she was just telling me to drink a lot of Sprite. [Smoking Section]

The Five Comics of the New 52 You Must Be Reading - The worst part of trying to make comic book jokes is that you can’t make up a fake premise like “a gritty reimagining of Crazy Quilt!” or “a five part mini-series revealing the origin of Paste Pot Pete” because somebody who writes comics has actually already done it thinking it would be funny/ironic/awesome. Somebody let me write comics, for Christ’s sakes. [Gamma Squad]

The 10 Boldest Comedians Of Our Time - Dat Phan! He does his Grandma’s voice! She’s Asian! [Buzzfeed]

12 Stars Who Got Their Start on ‘One Life to Live’ - I don’t want to fully out myself here, but All My Children or GTFO. [The FW]

Side-by-Side Comparison of Average-Sized Woman with a Supermodel Will Blow Out Your Mindhole - I appreciate this, but suggesting that any sized woman is “average sized” is pretty condescending. I’m sure the naturally skinny girl reading this feels great about being abnormal. [Pajiba]

Epic Surf Video: Biggest Teahupoo Ever, Shot On the Phantom Camera In Stunning HD - I can’t get any more sales-pitchy than that headline, so go watch this. At one point he wipes out because of a mystical tiki. [Brobible]

A Gallery of Comic-Con in 1980 - Now THIS is awesome. This is what you should be doing with your time, Internet, finding and sharing sh*t like this. [Unreality]

In case you weren’t aware, despite being a world famous soccer superstar, David Beckham is also apparently good looking. At least, they say, he’s good looking enough to be a model – which is still way below being handsome enough to blog – so he’s spent a little time flashing his briefs for Armani in the past. Now, though, he’s showcasing a bulge for his own brand new line of men’s underwear, “Bodywear”, created by H&M.

Compare the idea of selling banana hammocks to hipster men with team sports, won’t you David?

“Working with a team has always been a key part of my life and I found that to be the same when developing this range. Collectively with my design team we spent time working on the feel, fit and style to ensure the product is not only something I would wear but one which I would be proud to put my name to. I always want to challenge myself and this was such a rewarding experience for me. I’m very happy with the end result and I hope H&M’s male customers will be as excited as I am.”

(Via my good buddy Andrea at Zap 2 It)

From the looks of the ad photos after the jump, Beckham is VERY excited. Also, when he gets excited it looks like he has a box of cereal in his pants. Not like I looked at his bulge or anything. I mean, GRRRRRRRR CHAIN MAIL BOXER BRIEFS!!!

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