Today, redemption is spelled P-A-I-G-E B-L-A-C-K, T-H-E F-O-R… sorry, I’m still stuck on Anchorman news. Paige Black is the former star of CMT’s “Sweet Home Alabama” – on which she was wooed by this hunk – but she was much more notably NASCAR’s Miss Sprint Cup who became momentarily famous in 2011 when her ex-boyfriend allegedly leaked nude pics of her online, because I’m told that there are some people who appreciate that kind of thing. Duke claimed at the time that she took the pictures six years earlier when she was a student at Clemson, and that they were meant to be a special, romantic thing between two young lovers.

The problem with that is college guys are a-holes and they’ll sell those pics the moment a girl breaks it off and especially if she becomes famous. I’m certainly not saying it’s right, it’s just a reality. But don’t worry about Duke, because two years later she has landed on her feet and she’s back in the good graces of NASCAR fans as the new Darlington Raceway “Lady in Black”.

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Continuing in the great tradition of Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s using very attractive celebrity women to help sell their otherwise terrifyingly high-calorie sandwiches, Carl’s will debut a new commercial later this month starring 39-year old walking Fountain of Youth, Heidi Klum. Sure, you could say that this has absolutely nothing to do with sports, but I can name two athletes named Carl – Edwards and Yastrzemski – so I’ve covered my bases.

The theme of Klum’s commercial is the classic film, The Graduate, which is awesome, because it should be every college-aged male’s dream to be seduced by a woman as amazingly attractive as Klum and afford a hamburger. And like all good commercials these days, Carl’s Jr. went behind the scenes with Klum to tell you what goes into making a 30-second spot about food. Trust me, it’s as fascinating as you think.

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I’m not much of a gambling man, as I would hate to end up the subject of a 30-for-30-style documentary about incredibly handsome bloggers who blew their entire fortunes by losing money at picking Top Chef winners. I do, however, appreciate a good gentleman’s bet, or in this case a very attractive lady’s bet, in which money is cast aside for personal humiliation.

Unfortunately, I do not know the terms of the bet that resulted in a 23-year old Russian girl named Alina Borodina (above, as identified by Red Hot Russia) running through traffic on a busy street in just her bikini. What I do know is that Alina is a very wonderful person and I would very much like to introduce her to my mother. Also, her name rhymes and that means she might be a Disney princess, in which case she’s ridiculously wealthy.

While I don’t really have any further context to this video, I do have a theory as to why this woman “humiliated” herself by running around in a bikini.

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What is this, Family Feud?

Remember last year, when Kate Upton was revealed as the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue cover model, went on ‘Late Show With David Letterman’ to promote it, made jokes in the nightly Top Ten list and wore a Marilyn Monroe dress without a bra that made us lose a week of our lives to hotness-induced amnesia? Actually, you probably don’t remember that.

Anyway, Kate went on Dave to promote THIS year’s swimsuit cover — you’ve probably already seen it thanks to Sports Illustrated leaking it early TMZ spoiling it months ago Chinese hackers — and while her outfit doesn’t come close to matching last year’s, it’s still an enjoyable moment of quality time.

Video of the appearance is below. Warning: It contains Katherine Webb making Brent Musburger jokes and doing pageant twirls, because those are now her two jobs.

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Back in 2011, when we were all a little younger and more precious, I did a little digging to answer an age-old question from people who aren’t Los Angeles Lakers fans – “Hey, who’s that old dude who dresses like a blind cowboy?” The answer, of course, was James Goldstein and the question was raised after he showed up to a game with that lovely young lady above. We also learned that her name is Amalie Wichmann, and she is a Danish model who is quite pleasant to look at. Even Bill Clinton agrees. And now that we’re all caught up, we can check in to see what both of them have been up to this week.

Oh, look at that, they went to another Lakers game together. Damn it, Jimmy Goldstein is awesome.

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The good thing about Kate Upton getting famous enough to do real, non-Sports Illustrated modeling is that we’ll get to see her throughout the year, and not just when SI gets around to saying, “okay, this month we’re putting sand on ladies’ boobs and calling it a swimsuit.” The bad thing about Kate getting “real” modeling jobs is that she has to look like a lifeless plastic doll 90% of the time, and be accompanied by little guys with ‘Boardwalk Empire’ haircuts who may or may not be DJ Qualls.

Take, for example, Kate’s latest shoot for V Magazine, which comes accompanied by the worst shoot description in the history of modeling:

SHE ONLY DOES IT IN THE AFTERNOONS. EMBODYING BUÑUEL’S BORED, BOURGEOIS BEAUTY, THE AMPLE UPTON UNDRESSES IN STYLE. WHILE THE CAT’S AWAY, THE MOUSE WILL PLAY

Jesus Christ. After this issue of V, the shoot’s going straight to Sundance!

So yeah, the good news here is that Kate Upton looks great in old-timey underwear. The bad news is that, as far as I can tell, she had to take the photos while Gollum was trying to attack her and steal the Precious.

Shoot is after the jump.

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