Turns out the correct response to “What should I do?” is “Throw your old team on a pinball machine.” If you had “Another colossal embarrassment” in your Miami Heat-Cleveland Cavaliers results pool last night, then you are a richer homosapien today, because LeBron James might as well have been giving wedgies and throwing buckets of confetti on his former team and city last night. The Heat spanked the Cavs to the tune of 118-90, and it was so much worse than that score even suggests.

While the Cavs started out with a valiant effort and the crowd broke out two “Assh*le” chants before the game even began, LeBron seemingly realized that he wasn’t going to mend any hearts or change any minds last night so he went ahead and assumed the villain role, starting with his* old powder routine that was less-than-well-received. Oh, and that whole dropping 38 points on the Cavs in just three quarters was pretty nasty, too.

But there was some comedy throughout the evening (I was a little disappointed in most of the signs I saw, but the “Like Father, Like Son” sign had me cackling) and the top highlights go to Cavs assistant coach Jamahl Mosley, who told Bron-Bron to silence himself during one of his multiple visits to the Cleveland bench, and Mo Williams, who seemed to be the only Cavs player that had some seriously bad blood with the self-appointed king.

*Stole it from countless other players.

Videos of Mosley and Williams after the jump…

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Perfect Timing Inc. is one of those companies that makes a variety of themed calendars that you can buy at mall kiosks whenever you’re in the mood for a golden retriever dressed like a different American profession for each month of the year. But it’s also the company to call if you’re in the mood for a 2011 Cleveland Cavaliers calendar to remind you why you don’t want to watch the Cavs play this year. Perfect Timing released the team calendar with LeBron James on the cover prior to his announcement on “The Decision” and now nobody can figure out why they aren’t selling in Cleveland stores. It’s a gosh dang mystery.

In fairness, Perfect Timing created a new calendar for the Cavs after LeBron’s Decision, and the new version featured Mo Williams on the front of it. But that sort of begs the question – Which calendar is more depressing? Sports merchandise stores throughout Ohio are trying hard to get rid of all their LeBron Cavaliers merchandise by cutting prices, but nobody wants to be reminded of the guy who took his talents to South Beach. The good news is, though, that there is plenty of Dan Gilbert stationary to go around.

Give me a sexy look for January, Cleveland Plain Dealer:

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When Shaquille O’Neal signed with the Boston Celtics for a two-year contract to presumably close out his career, it marked the sixth team that he would play for in his illustrious career as one of the most dominant centers in the game. And seeing as he has a tendency to leave his previous fan bases less than thrilled with his words, the Big Thrower Under the Bus is trying his hardest to be a popular fella in Beantown. For the past few weeks he’s been popping up all over town, quick with a smile and glad to take pictures with everyone, which is what he did over the weekend when he crashed a couple’s wedding.

According to NESN.com, Shaq waltzed into the wedding of Kristen and Wes Schifone, who were of course thrilled to have the superstar interrupt. He took pictures with the wedding party and guests, and he even showed up the next morning for brunch, with a reporter from the Boston Globe. Later, he traveled to Aruba for their honeymoon with a photographer from Swank.

But is Shaq’s mouth still getting him bad press after the jump?

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