There’s a lot to love with this new Portland Timbers franchise, the latest organization to take the field in MLS play. They have a brand-new soccer-specific stadium, a rabid fanbase, a solid history, and perhaps the world’s first mascot that genuinely inspires fear. I’m referring to “Timber Joey,” who’s an honest-to-goodness logger. Joey Webber celebrates each Timbers goal by slicing off a piece of a giant log, which is later delivered to the lucky goal scorer.

Webber was born and raised in the timber town of Philomath, Ore., where he attended the School of Forestry as a youth. He competed in state forestry and timber competitions and ranked in several events including, pole climbing, jack double bucking, fire hose relays, axe throwing, log rolling and hot saw operation.

Growing up, Webber was also a competitive rugby player and was a member of the U.S. National Rugby Team’s U-19 pool for two years (1996-97). He competed as a bare-back bronco rider in the Northwest Professional Rodeo Association from 1996-2000, and the Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association in 2000.

[team site]

It is too early to call this guy the greatest mascot ever? Not sold yet? Here’s a nice promo video showcasing Joey and the Timbers’ “No Pity” motto. I wonder if that’s Timber Joey’s real truck. I’m sure there are a handful of jilted ladies in the greater Portland area that can help me out with that. Read the rest of this entry »

Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco started his tryout with Sporting KC of MLS today, and everyone seems to be covering this like a real story, as if he had a chance to make the team and totally wasn’t being milked for publicity like a common cow. What say you, Hall of Fame mouth Michael Strahan?

Ochocinco was supposed to finish his NFL lockout inspired 4-day trial with Sporting Kansas City tomorrow — but he’s been asked to stick around until Monday so he can participate in their reserve game.

After that … it’s pretty much curtains … a certainty even SKC’s coach is preaching.

But Strahan doesn’t think it’s all for naught … saying, “[SKC] know what they’re doing. Give [Chad] a chance and get a little bit out of him at the same time.”

–TMZ.

Watch video of Chad’s tryout after the jump. I wish Chad would just suck it up and devote all of his energy to starting Major League Kickball.

Vid via Eye On Football.

I enjoy soccer, especially the Premeir League and the international games, and I don’t seem to be the only one. A report released today suggests that America’s pro soccer league, Major League Soccer, will soon overtake the National Hockey League as the United States’ fourth most popular pro sports league…if they haven’t already.

In 2010, MLS average attendance was 16,675 spectators per game, a 4 percent increase over 2009. The NHL drew an average of 17,072 fans per game last season, a 3 percent drop from the year prior.

With regard to ratings, MLS also is making a surge. The league’s televised 2011 opener between the Galaxy and Sounders on ESPN was up 129 percent in ratings and 112 percent in viewership, drawing 604,000 English-language viewers. The game’s Spanish-language broadcast on ESPN Deportes drew another 79,000 viewers, an increase of 84 percent from a year ago.

–Fox News Latino.

Also more popular than the NHL on television: everything. While the American soccer product pales in comparison to the skill level, prestige, and national passion of the European leagues, MLS seems to be getting stronger while the NHL and even NASCAR appear to be losing fans and TV viewers. If only we could get Gary Bettman to run MLS, and sign Dale Earnhardt, Jr. to the Columbus Crew.

Cincinnati Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis knows no offseason when it comes to giving grief to his colorful wide receiver Chad Ochocinco. And no, by “colorful” I don’t mean “black,” ya big dummy. Ocho took up an invitation to try out for a Major League Soccer team, and you can imagine how that would go over with an NFL coach.

Here’s Lewis on Ocho’s dalliance with Major League Soccer: “What has he ever done that he’s completed? What circle has he connected in any way?” Lewis asked.

–PFT.

But now some people are wondering why Lewis hasn’t taken the same line with Carson Palmer, who’s threatening to leave town. I thought that was pretty obvious: because Lewis and Palmer have put winning football games above all else, whereas Ochocinco only does and says the things that will keep him on TV. Let’s not forget that Lewis was ready to bolt Cincinnati, too. Hell, Chad might be the only guy that actually wants to play for the Bengals right now. That alone would make him certifiably insane.

David Beckham is sporting a new hairstyle, and of course we wouldn’t be talking about it here if it didn’t look like ass. I can’t help but wonder if that’s a distorted image or if the LA Galaxy star just has a horrible case of dandruff. If it’s the latter, I’m sure it’s trendy, premium dandruff. Anyway:

The soccer stud premiered the new look alongside look-alike son Brooklyn, 11, while attending The Sun Military Awards at the Imperial War Museum in London earlier tonight.

–People.

I think I vomited five times while reading that sentence. I hope he gets sued by Florence Henderson. She could certainly use the money, provided that she’s still alive…is she still alive? I’d look that up, but I still need to eat lunch.

David Beckham is one of those celebrities that will probably have a target on his back for the rest of his life. Everywhere he goes, he’ll be stared at, heckled and/or dreamt about in sexually perverse ways. Uh, that’s what a friend told me anyway. That’s why I don’t understand why he’d waste his time lashing out at some jagoff heckler who waits until he’s almost out of sight to hurl some uninspired taunt about prostitutes. Yes, David, he’s wearing a Galaxy shirt. We heckle our own players over here. It’s just another great thing about being American. Read the rest of this entry »