Somebody on Twitter this morning alluded to the notion that the MLB playoffs were too good for TBS, which, as far as I know, is the only cable outlet carrying the games. And baseball should be grateful that they even have that, because ever since MLB expanded to the 8-team postseason format, playoff baseball has been a gigantic cluster…bomb. Let us count the ways.

The first round best-of-five series are a joke. Seriously, when the worst team in baseball wins 60 games a year, how much less variance does a series like that have than, say, a single game? The team with the better record in Divsion Series advances only 48 percent of the time. The first round of baseball’s season is, almost literally, a coin flip. Some people will say that such a format adds to the drama. I say it makes a ridiculously long regular season even more trivial and–when you consider baseball’s unbalanced scheduling–patently unfair.

The start times of these games make them virtually unfollowable to the casual fan. Scheduled first pitch times for yesterday’s games (all Eastern): 2:30, 6:00, and 9:00. The Phillies “drew” the 2:30 game. I guess being the defending World Series champs means that your fans can get by without watching you on TV that night.

Eight teams in the playoffs, along with the WBC, will The World Series into November this year. Big deal, it’s just another month on the calendar, right? Wrong. November is football time, and baseball better recognize. But seriously, either can it with the crammed traveling and just play baseball until Thanksgiving, or wrap that sucker up before Halloween.

The WNBA Finals, by the way, were nestled comfortably in prime time last night on ESPN2. I guess one league with an exorbitant regular season plagued with mainstream fan apathy is plenty for that network. Wait, which sport were we talking about?

The Twins beat the Tigers in that thrilling 12-inning playoff game to decide the AL Central yesterday, but not without controversy. En route to his team’s 6-5 loss in the Metrodome, Tigers batter Brandon Inge took a pitch in the top of the 12th with the bases loaded that brushed up against his jersey, which legally counts toward a hit-by-pitch. Inge headed for first base, but was called back to the batter’s box by home plate umpire Randy Marsh. As one might guess, Mr. Inge was not pleased.

“I want a hit as much as the next guy, but when it’s that important, it hit my shirt,” Inge said of the first pitch he took from [Twins reliever Bobby] Keppel, thrown with the bases loaded and one out in the 12th inning. “I’m not going to lie.”[...]

“It hit my shirt, period,” Inge said. “I don’t lie about things like that. I’m not going to try to weasel my way on base.”

Tigers manager Jim Leyland immediately ran out of the dugout to challenge the call. Read the rest of this entry »

Get a room, queers

Weather on the Eastern seaboard finally cleared up enough to allow three and a half innings to be played, and the Phillies seized the opportunity to win Game 5 by a score of 4-3, securing the World Series title and Philadelphia’s first sports championship since 2008, when the Soul won the ArenaBowl.  So hooray!  No baseball in November!  Now I can focus on mailing in basketball recaps!

Rather than talk about clutch hits or the Series MVP, I’d like to take this opportunity to address this notion that “long-suffering” fans “deserve” for their team to win a championship.  Specifically, it’s bullshit.  As a fan, the only things you’re entitled to are drunkenness and disappointment, and in that regard Philadelphians have gotten the max return on their investment.  You know who else doesn’t deserve shit?  Cleveland.  Seattle.  Cubs fans.  Everyone can just go to hell, because none of this means anything anyway.  Enjoy your fleeting moment of happiness before you go back to your dead-end job and loveless marriage.  Up next: taxes and death.

Read the rest of this entry »

The baseball season’s seemingly endless trudge to completion slowed to a complete stop last night, as Game 5 was halted due to rain during the sixth inning.  Both teams have already lifted their starters, so the game will fall on the shoulders of the bullpens when it finally resumes.  Whenever that will be.

Dear sweet Jesus, this is a miserable slog.  I understand the need to try to play through the rain during the regular season, when teams play 162 games in a row with one day off every two weeks.  But this is it for the season.  The Rays don’t have another series they have to rush off and play.  So just call the game if there’s rain.  Call it right away.  Let the fans go home, and set the next game for when there’s no rain in the forecast.  What’s the freakin’ rush?  The season’s been going on for seven months, what’s another two days while we wait for the skies to clear?

Baseball is like your grandpa with Alzheimer’s.  Yeah, you love the guy, but mostly for memories from your childhood.  Now he just wanders around talking to appliances, and you show up partly out of a sense duty, partly out of curiosity, and always mildly drunk in order to tolerate the experience.

J.C. Romero agrees: that’s a kick-ass headline

Ryan Howard hit a pair of two-run homers, and even starter Joe Blanton clubbed a home run as the Phillies abused the Rays 10-2 to improve their World Series lead to 3-1.

That’s it.  That’s my recap.  Baseball season started SIX AND A HALF MONTHS ago.  And they’ve been playing every goddam day since then.  Oh, but in case you haven’t gotten ENOUGH baseball EVERY DAY for the last HALF A YEAR, let’s just go ahead and cancel Sunday Night Football!  You’ll excuse me if I can only dedicate one sentence to giving a rat’s ass.

For God knows what reason, the Rays and MLB briefly resurrected the Backstreet Boys to sing the National Anthem at Game 1 of the World Series, and Phillies pitcher Kyle Kendrick was as excited as a little schoolgirl.

After we won Game 1 of the World Series, I texted some of my buddies, guys I grew up with back in Seattle. “You won’t believe this, the Backstreet Boys were here,” I told ‘em…

I’m only 24, and as a kid growing up near Seattle, boy bands were popular. I always thought the Backstreet Boys were the best out there, better than ‘NSYNC. I was a freshman in high school when they came out with their big CD, and my buddies and I used to listen. The girls always thought they were cute and I liked their music. They were just good.

Counterpoint: no they weren’t.  To be fair, most teenagers have horrible taste in music.  But it’s our responsibility as adults to feel ashamed for liking trash when we were young.  If you liked Backstreet as a kid and saw them today, your message to your friends shouldn’t be, “Wow!  I saw the Backstreet Boys!”  It should be, “Can you bail me out?  I stabbed that homo with the stupid facial hair.”