J.C. Romero agrees: that’s a kick-ass headline
Ryan Howard hit a pair of two-run homers, and even starter Joe Blanton clubbed a home run as the Phillies abused the Rays 10-2 to improve their World Series lead to 3-1.
That’s it. That’s my recap. Baseball season started SIX AND A HALF MONTHS ago. And they’ve been playing every goddam day since then. Oh, but in case you haven’t gotten ENOUGH baseball EVERY DAY for the last HALF A YEAR, let’s just go ahead and cancel Sunday Night Football! You’ll excuse me if I can only dedicate one sentence to giving a rat’s ass.
For God knows what reason, the Rays and MLB briefly resurrected the Backstreet Boys to sing the National Anthem at Game 1 of the World Series, and Phillies pitcher Kyle Kendrick was as excited as a little schoolgirl.
After we won Game 1 of the World Series, I texted some of my buddies, guys I grew up with back in Seattle. “You won’t believe this, the Backstreet Boys were here,” I told ‘em…
I’m only 24, and as a kid growing up near Seattle, boy bands were popular. I always thought the Backstreet Boys were the best out there, better than ‘NSYNC. I was a freshman in high school when they came out with their big CD, and my buddies and I used to listen. The girls always thought they were cute and I liked their music. They were just good.
Counterpoint: no they weren’t. To be fair, most teenagers have horrible taste in music. But it’s our responsibility as adults to feel ashamed for liking trash when we were young. If you liked Backstreet as a kid and saw them today, your message to your friends shouldn’t be, “Wow! I saw the Backstreet Boys!” It should be, “Can you bail me out? I stabbed that homo with the stupid facial hair.”
I don’t know if it’s fair to call something boring if you don’t even try to watch it, but I’m not really interested in being fair: this World Series is super-dooper boring. I couldn’t be more thrilled that I didn’t watch the Rays’ 4-2 win last night, because I nearly fell asleep reading the recap. A sample:
Tampa Bay never really got a huge hit, but neither did the Phillies as Jimmy Rollins and crew fell to 1-for-28 with runners in scoring position…
Tampa Bay scored on Jason Bartlett’s safety squeeze and built another rally when Rocco Baldelli walked on a checked swing that seemed to confuse players and umpires alike.
Poor situational hitting! Bunts! Check-swing walks! Hold onto your hats, kids — this wild ride could go seven games!
Game 3 is in Philly on Saturday night, but thankfully, rain is in the forecast. Even God doesn’t want to watch this series.
Evan Longoria’s new at-bat music
Chase Utley clubbed a two-run homer in the first inning, and Cole Hamels pitched seven strong innings as the Phillies took Game 1 of the World Series 3-2. Although the score was close, Rays starter Scott Kazmir consistently had to work his way out of jams, while Tampa Bay’s lineup failed to get a hit after the fifth inning.
Really, only two plays were of moderate interest last night. The first was in the fifth inning, when Ryan Howard ended a Rays threat by reaching into the stands to catch a foul pop-up. Pitiful performance from the home crowd. You gotta let him know that’s YOUR turf. I mean, nobody even tried to stab him. Visiting players don’t get such consideration from Philly fans.
The next inning, Carlos Pena led off and reached on an error by Howard, but was subsequently picked off by Hamels in what may or may not have been a balk, effectively killing the Rays’ inning. Joe Maddon said some bad words on TV to the ump, but to no avail. Yup, that’s right: one of the pivotal moments last night was centered around the question, “Did he or didn’t he balk?” Sometimes, baseball’s almost too exciting.
Poised to shatter what little enjoyment I get from baseball, the Red Sox instead fell short of their ALCS comeback quest, as the Rays won the decisive Game 7 last night, 3-1.
Series MVP Matt Garza was masterful, allowing two hits and striking out nine in seven innings, but he left with trouble brewing in the 8th. As Joe Maddon went through his bullpen looking to get outs (five Rays pitched in the 8th), he eventually settled on rookie David Price, the 2007 top draft pick/September call-up who began the year in Single-A. Price struck out J.D. Drew with the bases loaded, and at the moment, I became a little gay for him.
You know how Boston fans felt they deserved the 2004 ALCS comeback against the Yankees? Well, the rest of the world deserved this. We deserve to not have to hear about how the Red Sox will always come back, no matter what. This isn’t just a Cinderella worst-to-first feel-good string of cliches for the Rays bandwagon. It’s better: it’s several weeks of silence until the NBA season, when the braying about the Celtics begins.
The band you see here is the Jesters of the Court, a pro-Phillies group of hardcore rap-rockers who totally owned Lehigh Valley public access TV back in 1993. Put kindly, the Jesters — how do you say…? — suck dog balls? I believe that’s the appropriate terminology.
But as embarrassing as 15-year-old crappy fan songs may be, I can’t say that it’s definitivey any better or worse than the video after the jump.
