If that preview image doesn’t make you click the link, maybe this will: at one point in Taiwan’s “New York Yankees didn’t make the World Series” epic, Alex Rodriguez draws a sex emoticon on a ball and gets it tossed to a lady. Yep.

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Pizza Bloody Mary: Football Foodie Brunch Cocktails |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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I forget what company it is, but there’s been a new commercial with Marisa Miller airing lately, and it makes me sad because she’s all pregnant now. But the commercial was filmed either before she was pregnant or early on because she doesn’t have a bump, and it’s like, why’d she have to go and get all pregnant on us? How selfish can one woman be?

But it’s like my dad always says: “Sure, a woman might be pregnant and that could ruin her appeal, but in nine months that kid’ll be out and she’ll have bigger cans.” My dad is a poet, naturally.

Also, Marisa is a San Francisco Giants fan and she’s probably bummed right now that the St. Louis Cardinals are up 3-1 in the NLCS. Oh the fun we could have had if she had answered all of my letters about wanting to marry her.

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The cover of today's New York Post.

Now that the Detroit Tigers have swept the New York Yankees, we can expect a ton of speculation about what the world’s most important baseball team will do in the offseason. Hell, for the first time that I can remember, people were actually speculating about the Yankees trading a player while they were still competing for the American League Championship. That’s remarkable even for “We’re the Yankees, we get whatever we want” standards. And, of course, the focus of all of the speculation will be around embattled third baseman and Grade A poon hound, Alex Rodriguez.

Rodriguez was slowly drawing the ire of Yankees fans as he was just awful at the plate throughout the entire playoffs (for the last three years, mind you) and the cherry on top was the New York Post’s story about A-Rod, who is dating Torrie Wilson, hitting on an Australian bikini model from the Yankees dugout after he had been benched and while his team was losing. Even Donald Trump bought a first class ticket on the hate train.

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Here’s what I know from my very limited knowledge and actual viewing history of Fox’s hit show, The X Factor:

It is a glorified episode of MTV’s Cribs, in that they spend more time gawking at the celebrity judges’ homes than they do making children cry.

It employs Britney Spears and Demi Lovato, who have both long since taken dips in the batsh*t crazy pool.

It allows Simon Cowell to become even wealthier than he already is by manipulating the celebrity worship of America’s zombie-like youth.

That’s it, the extent of my knowledge of the show in a nutshell. Oh, and now I also know that the show is on hiatus thanks to the Major League Baseball postseason, and holy hell does that have the show’s fans in a poorly-spelled uproar. Last night was the best example of this, as the rain delay during Game 3 of the NLCS in St. Louis lasted longer than the actual game, and someone in Fox’s programming department decided to air the Top 16 reveal for The X Factor.

And then, even before the rain stopped, things went delightfully haywire.

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So remember that whole revelation yesterday that everyone suddenly wants to hate the St. Louis Cardinals? Great job with that, Matt Holliday. Obviously, I knew that his flop into Marco Scutaro’s legs would immediately give the people I’ve been trying to talk some sense into everything they needed to justify unsubstantiated, pure hatred for the Cards, but part of me held out hope that someone might defend the big doofus. Nope.

Again, well done, Holliday. You better get that fly swatter you call a bat working tomorrow night or the 2-1 deficit will be on your shoulders. Meanwhile, tonight is all about the team that we don’t need a reason to hate. That’s right, the Detroit Tigers.

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"Yeah, this cologne really works."

Alex Rodriguez made $29 million this season. He’ll make $28 million next season, $25 million in 2014, $21 million in 2015, $20 million in 2016 and another $20 million in 2017. This is important to note, because if you share those numbers with any New York Yankees fans right now, they might stab you, so maybe keep this info between us. Their rage, of course, stems from the fact that the Bronx Bombers are down 0-2 to the Detroit Tigers in the ALCS and the man with the largest contract in baseball history flat out sucks.

And if Yankees fans were upset with A-Rod before, I can’t even imagine how they feel now, as the New York Post has revealed that after he was benched in the 8th inning of Game 1 on Saturday night, A-Rod was hitting on women in the stands. Rodriguez spotted the girls, wrote a note on a ball and had the ball boy give it to them, all while his teammates were doing the heavy lifting for a 9th-inning comeback.

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