The 82nd Major League Baseball All-Star Game took place at Chase Field in Phoenix last night, and it appears that the American League’s era of dominance has come to an end. The National League All-Stars won the game 5-1, marking their second consecutive win over the AL losers, who had won the previous 60 All-Star Games or something like that. The NL, of course, now possesses home-field advantage for the World Series, because baseball is run by nincompoops who think this is a good idea. Seriously, how has this not been passed off as a bad joke yet?

Prince Fielder hit a 3-run home run in the bottom of the 4th inning off Texas Rangers pitcher C.J. Wilson to give the NL the only offense it would need, after Boston’s Adrian Gonzalez hit a solo shot in the top of the inning. L.A.’s Andre Ethier and San Francisco’s Pablo Sandoval each added a RBI for the NL to cushion the victory. And all the while, Joe Buck and Tim McCarver shared stories about players that none of us could bear listening to. But in case you skipped the game or you just chose not to watch it, I’ve put together this hasty retelling of last night’s action (not entirely in order, mind you). For full appreciation, pull a sheet over your head, fart, inhale it as deep as you can, and then talk like Buck for the next few minutes.

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The Major League Baseball All-Star Game happens tonight, and if you’re the type who needs an animal with mystical powers to tell you what will happen, this octopus at Sea Life in Arizona says it’s going to be the American League. It’s good to know that when one psychic octopus dies, another can rise up and take his place. Last year I won $500 on the World Cup by strangling the sh:t out of a carp.

The game was predicted by placing equal amounts of food in boxes labeled “American League” and “National League”, then allowing the octopus to choose which food (and by proxy, which team of adult humans) it preferred. The best part of the video is the Octomom bystander comments, which boil down to “it was so awesome seeing the octopus do things”. I wonder if this is how Arizona chose their immigration laws, by dunking a white guy and a brown guy into an aquarium and seeing which one gets molested first by a squid.

Regardless, this method is at least as fool-proof as the ESPN writer method, which is just reading what most people think and saying the opposite to try and piss them off.

[h/t Eye on Baseball]

My friend barely turned his head in my direction when he muttered, “I know you’re a Cardinals fan, but I thought that maybe you could at least appreciate Jeter’s accomplishment.” I wasn’t sure why he would say that, because as a St. Louis Cardinals fan, I’m generally viewed as the classiest and most intelligent of baseball fans. But regardless, of course I can appreciate Derek Jeter’s 3,000th hit this past Saturday. How could anyone not appreciate it?

Jeter became the first player in his franchise’s storied history to record his 3,000th career hit, and he did it in perfect New York Yankee fashion – with a home run. He became just the 28th player in Major League Baseball history to accomplish the feat of 3,000 hits, and only the second to do it with a home run (Wade Boggs) and while going 5-for-5 at the plate during that game (Craig Biggio). And with all reasonable probability, he’ll be one of the last few to hit 3,000 for quite some time.

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Major League Baseball’s All-Star Game festivities began yesterday in Phoenix with the Futures game but more importantly – Kate Upton. The Sports Illustrated swimsuit model took part in this year’s Taco Bell Legends & Celebrity Softball Game, which featured “A-list celebrities, athletes and MLB legends” but seeing as the participating “celebrities” were Greg Gunberg, Chord Overstreet and Jason Aldean, we’ll go easy on that A-list label.

The score suggests that the National League team, featuring Mark Grace, Larry Fitzgerald and Ozzie Smith, defeated the American League team 5-3. However, the AL team had Upton and Erin Andrews, so that’s pretty much an automatic win. Sure, the NL team had Jennie Finch and Jordin Sparks, but come on – Kate Upton. Seriously. Kate. Upton.

And that brings me to today’s thought. I can understand the point of having guys like Overstreet, Aldean, and Nick Jonas in the softball game, because they have some current star power. But why not just load the rosters with girls like Upton, Jessica Stam, Chanel Iman, and Chrissy Teigen, who is friends with Andrews and Upton and Tweeted about the damn game enough that she should have been there? Last time I checked, baseball was America’s game, and our America likes very attractive women.

After the jump, check out Upton, Andrews, Sparks, Jennie Finch, and the other, far-less-important celebrities from last night’s Legends & Celebrity Softball Game.

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Two times in his career as a Major League Baseball player, current Arizona Diamondbacks manager Kirk Gibson turned down invitations to play in the All-Star Game. Even though one of those invites came from his Detroit Tigers manager, Sparky Anderson, Gibson still declined because he wanted to spend time with his family and rest, which is unique because most players tend to embrace the spotlight, even as a coach’s selection or just a mandatory addition.

Apparently Gibson’s refusals all those years ago really pissed his dad off and now the son wants to make things right. Gibson will appear in his first-ever All-Star Game, this time as a coach, per the invite of San Francisco Giants and National League All-Stars manager Bruce Bochy.

During spring training, Gibson sat in his office and recounted some of the talks he had with his father about declining his two All-Star invitations. But even in late February, he knew he would be on Bochy’s coaching staff at this year’s game. Bochy and Gibson had talked about it all winter.

“Old man, you’re finally going to get your wish,” Gibson said, gazing up at the ceiling.

Robert Gibson grew up during the Great Depression and couldn’t play baseball as a youth. He was too busy pulling a red wagon and hawking vegetables or selling newspapers.

“He lived his childhood, I think,” Gibson said, “through me.” (AZ Central)

*pauses Field of Dreams, puts down little league trophy, throws cell phone out the window, wipes eyes*

Ha, what a bunch of sissy boys!

Joey Votto has shown for the past few years that he’s on the verge of being one of baseball’s top first basemen, and so far this season he’s proving his point by putting up better numbers than even Albert Pujols. For his efforts, Votto was snubbed by the main All-Star fan vote and by coach selection for reserves, but a late “Vote Votto” promotion helped fans recognize his efforts and make him the final player voted in for the National League roster. Unfortunately, nobody told him he’d be playing with any of those damn dirty Cubs.

Marlon Byrd was the lone representative for the Chicago Cubs at the 2010 MLB All-Star Game, and aside from eventual MVP Brian McCann, he had arguably the most important performance. With a full count and two runners on ahead of him, Byrd laid off a fastball to walk and load the bases. McCann then drove all three runs home. Then in the bottom of the 9th, Byrd threw out David Ortiz at second to keep the tying run from entering scoring position. The NL ended up winning 3-1, ending a 13-year skid. To most of his teammates, this was a great performance. To NL Central rival Votto, big freaking whoop, bro.

I’m not going to show appreciation for you getting this quote, ESPN.com:

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