As we learned the other day, Los Angeles Lakers star Kobe Bryant and his wife, Vanessa, gave their two young daughters the greatest gift of them all this year – a lifetime of two Christmases. The Bryants are divorcing after a 10-year marriage that began when the two met on the set of a rap video, which is just a shame because rap video marriages are supposed to last forever.

However now, not even a week after the story broke, another rap video starlet is being dragged through the mud, and this time it’s not for a feature in Dirty Girls magazine. Former Playboy Playmate Jessica Burciaga was named by TMZ as Bryant’s mistress, and the 28-year old cover model of Performance Auto and Sound and Lowrider magazines is irate over it.

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Now let’s skip to the time when I was fifteen. Shaq is in the house… no, Shaq is on the scene! Now my name’s in papers, girls caught the vapors, kids look up to me like a skyscraper. Now, a role model… I mean a role figure. Then I ask myself, “can I get any bigger?”

My dream is coming through, but coming through slowly. Then I remember what Mom and Dad told me: “Remember this, son, do all the runs. Shoot your gift like a gun and never forget where you come from. You’re young, gifted, and black. If they can’t say Shaquille O’Neal then make ‘em scream, ‘Shaq!’”

- Author Unknown (but outstanding)

Sports

LSU To Honor Shaq with a Life-Sized Bronze Statue on Campus - Thank goodness somebody is finally honoring poor Shaquille O’Neal. I hope the statue reads “in honor of a man who became seven feet tall when he was twelve.” [Hoop Doctors]

REWIND: Top 10 Ugliest Mistresses - Shaq’s in here, too. Inspired by “I can’t believe Arnold Schwarzenegger had sex with someone-Gate,” take a look back at some of sports’ (and not sports’) least attractive Other Women. I one day hope to become a successful millionaire and try to secretly sleep with the same ugly women who’d want to secretly sleep with me now. [Urban Daily]

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Boston Celtics fame whore Shaquille O’Neal is being sued by a former employee for computer hacking, destroying evidence and framing him for criminal activity. Shaq hired Shawn Darling to set up a home theater system and install his personal computers, and Darling apparently used that as an invitation to make copies of Shaq’s emails to his various girlfriends and then threaten the Big Bank Account with extortion. Now that Shaq is refusing this alleged extortion attempt, Darling is suing him. Responded Shaq’s ex-wife, “Oh no he didn’t.”

Darling claims that Shaq hacked into the voicemail of his ex-mistress, Vanessa Lopez, and changed the password, and then threw a personal computer into a lake to destroy evidence, and then he used law enforcement contacts to attempt to frame Darling for an unmentioned criminal offense. The frame job is supposedly to discredit Darling when he comes forward with all of these emails that will supposedly embarrass Shaq. Does Darling have a TV? Because just two weeks ago, Shaq was cradling Justin Bieber like a baby. Good luck embarrassing him, Shawn.

Tell us the details the same way forward and backward, Radar:

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