“There’s just gotta be more to life than swimming around and killing shit, y’know?” “Totally.” “I get so lonely sometimes.” “Let’s get out of here.”

A decade-long study involving thousands of scientists suggests that great white sharks meet at a specific spot between California and Hawaii in what marine biologists think may be an underwater singles bar.

The stretch of ocean the sharks make for – from both California and Mexico – is not a particularly rich feeding ground but it may act as a “singles bar” where they can find a mate.

“There is something going on there but as yet we don’t know,” said marine biologist Professor Ron O’Dor  [Hee hee! "Odor"! -- Ed.]. “Maybe it’s just a good place to pick up girl sharks.”

So, this story isn’t really about sports at all. But sharks hooking up in a bar should be sports-related. Besides, if you know of a better way to segue into video of penguins doing it, I’d like to know. And don’t tell me I should write about the Pittsburgh Penguins. The last thing I want is to attract any more hockey fans.

The Marine Corps, as you can tell from me jabbering on and on about it on a sports blog, is obsessed with its own culture and history.  We read and share Medal of Honor citations to help remember the tradition we have to live up to.  And nothing makes me want to run through a brick wall and head butt America’s enemies like 2ndLt John Bobo’s citation from Vietnam (I’ve written about this before, btw).

Before you make fun of his last name, read this:

When an exploding enemy mortar round severed Lieutenant Bobo’s right leg below the knee, he refused to be evacuated and insisted upon being placed in a firing position to cover the movement of the command group to  a better location.  With a web belt around his leg serving as tourniquet and with his leg jammed into the dirt to curtail the bleeding, he remained in this position and delivered devastating fire into the ranks of the enemy attempting to overrun the Marines. Lieutenant Bobo was mortally wounded while firing his weapon into the mainpoint of the enemy attack but… his tenacious stand enabled the command group to gain a protective position where it repulsed the enemy onslaught.

YAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  God DAMMIT that makes me want to jump out a fourth-floor window and punch through concrete.  You soft-bodied blog-reading assholes better put down your cans of frosting and start getting your legs blown off and using belts as a tourniquets!  Go.  Do it now.  Don’t come back to this blog until you’ve repelled a VC attack and you’re bleeding to death.  Pussy.

Yes, you read that headline correctly.  There really is THAT much going on in the world of sports.

First up, an Oklahoma man will attempt to set the world record for inflating a weather balloon with his mouth.  He must get it to eight feet in diameter in less than 42 minutes.  His life must be amazing.

In a slightly more interesting story, a British chicken farmer is angry that low-flying hot-air balloons drove her hens into a terrified frenzy, causing the eggs inside them to explode, which led to their deaths.  Funny story.  A similar thing happened in my pants when I saw the Jessica Rabbit balloon at Macy’s Thanksgiving parade.

Holiday or not, maybe a three-day weekend in the middle of the baseball playoffs, the heart of the NFL and college football seasons, and the first weekend of the NHL season wasn’t the best idea.  Here are some of the stories from the past several days you didn’t read here.

THE SONG GIRLS ARE 40 — To celebrate the 40th anniversary of USC’s Song Girls, Busted Coverage compiled forty Song Girl photos, including the one above.  Hey, if they like overhead compartments, this trunk will seem downright roomy!

WANG PEES – In the greatest story about a table tennis champion urinating outside a karaoke club ever, table tennis champion Wang Hao urinated outside a karaoke club, shouting at a security guard: “I am the famous Wang Hao! I am the world champion! Does it matter if I beat you?”  No.  No, it does not.

THE NHL IS BACK, BABY — At the ceremonial puck drop beginning the Flyers’ season, Sarah Palin got resoundly booed by the Philly faithful.  Man, this is just like the time they booed Santa Claus.  If Santa Claus made little kids pay for their rape kits on Christmas morning.

TOMMY BOWDEN GOT FIRED — Clemson’s ex-coach will be missed by precisely no one.  Well, maybe other SEC ACC teams.  And also the biggest pussy in the world.

Tropical Storm/Hurricane Fay flooded part of Florida, making the streets ideal for tube riding.  Well, nearly ideal.  There are a lot more trees on land than there are on the open water, you know.

It took Brian Berg three weeks and 140,000 playing cards to construct this model of the Olympic Village.  I guess that's why his title is "Guinness World Record Cardstacker."  Big deal.  Anyone can have a fancy title.  Michael Phelps, World's Greatest Swimmer.  Elvis Presley, King of Rock and Roll.  Your Mom, Fastest Handjob West of the Mississippi.  Whoopty doo.

[Fan IQ]