Ouch, My Furry Blue Face

Written by Brandon Stroud / 07.16.12

Man, look at that. RipTide ate it.

A rough night for Norfolk Tides mascot, RipTide who took a tumble on his ATV on Sunday, July 15th as the Tides played the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs. Not to worry…RipTide and the ATV were just fine.

The good news it that RipTide is like 80% padding and fur, so when he faceplants into the dirt the worst thing he’s got to worry about is whiplash. If a member of the Fun Bunch or whatever had taken that spill we’d have to get all maudlin about a dude dying at a Tides game.

I think the saddest part is that RipTide doesn’t roll with it. He gets up and awkwardly rushes back to his ATV to pretend like nothing happened, and he’s left sitting there revving a broken four-wheeler until somebody comes and gets him. Poor guy.

[h/t Round Rock Express mascot Spike] [yes, I follow mascots on Twitter] [shut up]

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An Amazing Catch You Won’t Believe (No, Seriously, You Won’t Believe It)

Written by Brandon Stroud / 07.16.12

jiwan-james-amazing-catchDuring Saturday’s game in Reading, R-Phils outfielder Jiwan James scaled the wall to rob Bowie Baysox slugger Jonathan Schoop of a home run. The crazy thing about it is that he doesn’t catch it with his glove … he loses his glove completely and comes down with the ball in his bare hand. It’s one of the best (and most serendipitous) catches you’ll ever see, topping SportsCenter’s top plays and turning a double-A minor leaguer into an online sensation.

The only problem is that with the modifier “online” comes skeptics, and YouTube refuses to believe he caught the ball.

Theory 1: He trapped it.

ball definitely hits the wall…if you constantly hit pause and play at Around the 7 second mark of the video, you can see the ball go past his glove, and hit the wall at around the 8 second mark…hard to see, but its there (user chosen1soulja)

Looks like it falls into his chest and he either traps it against the wall and grabs it on the way down or he catches it off of his chest on the way down for the grab. (user pjfan14)

Theory 2: The ball he caught was a fake.

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The Best And Worst Of Sgt. Slaughter Beating Up People At A Minor League Baseball Game

Written by Brandon Stroud / 07.06.12

Best: Former G.I. Joe and WWF Champion Sgt. Slaughter is one of several pro wrestling personalities (like Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler and Mr. Belding from ‘Saved By The Bell’) who tour Minor League Baseball parks over the summer to sign a few autographs, make a little cash and entertain fans between innings. Here he is during Thursday night’s game between the Lakeshore Chinooks and Lacrosse Loggers for ‘Military Appreciation Night’. He expertly dodges an attack from a guy named ‘MoFoley’ (no relation to Cactus Jack) and incapacitates him, allowing Gill the Chinook to get a pinfall. Not sure whether or not that was sanctioned, but whatever.

Worst: Busted Coverage calling the Cobra Clutch “a sleeper”. I don’t expect you guys to be run by a lonely pro wrestling encyclopedia like SOME sports blogs, but the guy yelling COBRA CLUUUUUTCH did the work for you.

Worst: At no point did Iron Sheik run out and Pearl Harbor Sarge. This also eliminated any chance of Sheik calling Gill the Chinook a homosexual jew, or whatever.

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Hey, Remember That Brooklyn Cyclones Hipster Night?

Written by Ashley Burns / 07.06.12

A huge thank you to Nadia Chaudhury for capturing this amazing moment.

Back in May, we told you about the Brooklyn Cyclones’ incredible plan to celebrate America’s independence, by honoring the people who care the least about everything – hipsters. Dubbed “Williamsburg Night”, the event was supposed to feature a skinny jeans race and reward people with delightfully ironic beards. Unfortunately, the hipsters won by out-hipstering the Cyclones marketing team.

I was elated when my UPROXXian brother from another hipster mother, Josh Kurp, emailed to let me know he’d be attending Hipster Night last night. Sadly, as he explained via our amazing telekinetic powers, no hipsters really showed up. In fact, that picture above pretty much says it all. Just a few hipsters in their skinny jean shorts enjoying some hot dogs while ignoring organized sports.

As the rest of Williamsburg’s finest said last night, though, “Whatever.” We’re not going to let a poor turnout spoil the fun. With that, I present to you the first ever With Leather Hipster Sports Fan of the Year…

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If Sandy The Seagull Charges For Air, You Keep Yo Bill Paid

Written by Brandon Stroud / 06.28.12

Mark Henry Lillian Garcia WWE Anti-Bullying Night Brooklyn Cyclones

WWE showed up at a Brooklyn Cyclones game to promote their “B.A. Star” anti-bullying campaign, and Sandy is the first ever non-human WWE Champion. Well, unless you count Brock Lesnar. (via Brooklyn Cyclones On Facebook)

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Chuck Norris Still Sucks |Film Drunk|

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Manny Ramirez Quits The A’s, Does These Drugs, Has Cancer Hair

Written by Brandon Stroud / 06.19.12

Manny Ramirez asked the Oakland Athletics to release him from his minor league contract on Friday, and they obliged.

“It looked like he was down there for a while and I think he wanted out,” A’s manager Bob Melvin said. “He wanted an opportunity, if we weren’t going to do something, to go somewhere else. It is what it is. Certainly we wish him the best.”

“Manny believes he has demonstrated that he is ready to return to the major leagues,” Ramirez’s agents, Barry Praver and Scott Shapiro, said in a statement. “However, given that the Oakland Athletics could not give Manny any assurance that they plan to promote him in the immediate future he asked for his release. Manny thanks the A’s for providing him with this opportunity.” (via Chron.com)

As straightforward as that seems, a helpful YouTube upload reveals that desire and opportunity had nothing to do with it — Manny Ramirez, posing under the name “Manny Rodriguez”, was making the Sacramento Rivercats less wholesome and giving them cancer with his dreadlocks. Just like Lance Armstrong The Bike Guy! A local 69-year old fuddy duddy reports:

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