The Toledo Mud Hens are celebrating Star Wars on May 4 and 5 by wearing Chewbacca jerseys. Sadly they’re just printed to look like Chewie’s chest and are not actually made out of 8 feet of Muppet hair, which would be the greatest promotion of all time.

It’s a cool promotion, but true Star Wars fans know that Chewbacca is a TERRIBLE baseball player. He can’t even get the ball over the plate. Video proof is after the jump. (h/t to Gamedayr)

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Links

‘I’m 11 And Pregnant’: 10 Very Revealing Age-Specific Google Autocompletes |UPROXX|

‘Game Of Thrones’ Houses, By Hotness |Warming Glow|

Razor-blade nipple tassel lady: The best Bond villain that never was? |Film Drunk|

Holy Sh*t, Three Legged Alligators Are Terrorizing The Zurich Classic |With Leather|

Here Are All The ‘Confirmed’ XBox 720 Games |Gamma Squad|

Barack Obama Pens Open Letter To Jay-Z, Reps DJ Khaled At Correspondence Dinner |Smoking Section|

It’s Time To Admit We Like Jay Cutler |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Professional wrestling at a Minor League Baseball ballpark, right as the Minor League season is ending and wrestling enters that weird lull period between the summer and WrestleMania? This is relevant to my interests.

In an event I probably care about more than anybody in the world, Pennsylvania-based promotion Chikara pro wrestling took a trip to FirstEnergy Stadium, home of the Double-A Reading Phillies, for a charity event benefitting Baseballtown Charities. The R-Phills are no stranger to wacky happenstance at the park, and this is no exception. It happened last month, but indescribably-talented Zia Hiltey shared pictures from the event on her page Zia Shoots Wrestling and I felt compelled to pass them along. Two major reasons:

1. I get way sadder for the Minor League season ending than the Major Leagues, because the MLB off-season is full of speculations and winter talks and more or less the same amount of baseball news. When the Minor League season ends, the Screwball costume just sits in a shed somewhere until summer comes around again.

2. Chikara’s biggest event of the year, King Of Trios, is happening this weekend. I’ll be there along with Destiny and over 20 With Leather commenters for a loosely-organized picnic thing before the Sunday show, so if you’re anywhere near the Easton, PA, area, get down to these shows and have some three bean salad with us, or whatever.

If you don’t like wrestling at all, trust me, you’ll still love the ridiculousness of these photos. Wrestling ants! Guys dressed like ice cream! With Spandex podcast guest Icarus getting a swirlie! MARTY JANNETTY!

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Seriously, I don’t ever get tired of videos of American troops coming home and surprising their families at baseball games. The latest such act happened yesterday at Fluor Field, the home of the Boston Red Sox Single-A affiliate, the Greenville Drive in South Carolina. In the middle of the third inning, airman Trey Murphy, dressed as a Drive player, stood behind his mother and brother as they were interviewed on the field. Mom thought Trey was still in Afghanistan until he grabbed her by the shoulders to surprise her.

“Oh my God! Trey!” Sarah shouted as her son grabbed her by the shoulders, gently turned her around and gave her a tremendous bear hug.

She burst into tears. “But I haven’t baked for you yet.” (Via The State; unfortunately, not the one with $240 worth of pudding)

IT’S DUSTY IN HERE! THE EYE SPRINKLERS ARE SET TO WATER NOW!

So how did Trey come up with this allergy-inducing idea to surprise his mom for his homecoming? He saw plenty of other soldiers do it at other ballparks and thought it was pretty cool. Once again, I strongly encourage the U.S. government and every professional and minor league sports team that it might take to organize approximately 1.4 million more of these surprises as soon as possible.

Video of a local news report and the surprise after the jump.

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Just two days after I hosted my 2-month anniversary celebration for his acquittal – including jalapeno poppers! – Roger Clemens is back in our lives for what he was always best at – throwing broken bats at Mike Piazza in a frenzied rage that was definitely not brought on by steroid use. Unfortunately, Piazza hasn’t signed on yet, so we’ll have to settle for Clemens doing what he hasn’t been good at for 7 years – pitching.

Clemens has signed a deal with the Sugar Land Skeeters of the Atlantic League of Professional Baseball. Yeah, your guess is as good as mine.

Club officials told the FOX affiliate that the 50-year-old was clocked at 87 mph during a workout on Monday.

For what it’s worth (which could be absolutely nothing), the Skeeters website has Saturday listed as The Human Fireball Night.

“The Bases are sure to be smoking after this game,” the team’s site states. “No, not from all the runs the Skeeters will score. It will be from Stuntman Ted Batchelor as he LIGHTS HIMSELF ON FIRE after the game and does a complete trip around the bases.” (Via FOX Sports)

Obviously we’re all thinking the same thing – why isn’t Clemens the one who is being lit on fire? I mean, 87 mph is pretty weak, so maybe burning him alive is just the motivation Clemens will need to add a few mph to that crappy effort.

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Back in January, we shared with you a video introducing Minor League Baseball’s best (and possibly worst) idea ever: a Baseballtown All-Star Home Run Derby organized by the Reading Phillies to include a points-based obstacle course in the outfield, a party for fans in the infield dirt while the home run derby was happening and a jazz musician squatting and playing rockin’ acoustic guitar in front of home plate. I think we all assumed that between January and July, someone would go, “hey, let’s just do a normal home run derby and not kill anybody with baseballs”.

Thankfully, nobody said that. The Baseballtown Derby happened IN REAL LIFE earlier this month, and it’s almost as glorious as you imagined.

Highlights include pop-flies into the dinner party, a man with a baseball head and a monster’s body catching balls in the outfield and a guy on an ostrich getting pissed because he missed a line drive. Oh, and at one point a home run hits a dunk tank in the outfield and dunks a spectator. Who do we have to put in charge to get the MLB derby to look ANYTHING like this?

[via Reading Phillies on Facebook]

It’s up to you now, Round Rock Express. Take down the Owling record! (via Yardbarker)

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Links

Adam Carolla, The UPROXX Interview: ‘Everyone Can Kiss My Ass, I Don’t Care’ |UPROXX|

Ranking The TV Appearances Of Batman’s Bane, From Least To Most Spine-Crumbling |Warming Glow|

Chris Nolan: “I Never Meet Anyone Who Actually Likes 3D” |Film Drunk|

The Wire: LEGO-Style |Daily What|

Completely Arbitrary Ranking Of All Batman Movies Ever Made |Gamma Squad|

10 Things You Can Buy For $90K Instead Of The Yeezy IIs |Smoking Section|

Coachella Now Comes On A Boat |Smoking Section|

Get Your Atheism Out of My Science and Stay Out |Gamma Squad|

MMA Fighter Officially In Need Of An Intervention |With Leather|

Here’s the three-boobed lady from Total Recall |Film Drunk|

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