First things first, Minneapolis’ mayor is named Rybak, just like a certain meathead WWE pro wrestler. That’s his actual name. It’s “R.T. Rybak,” so in my head he will forever be known as Retweet Ryback.

Now that that’s out of the way, here’s the hook:

Minneapolis Mayor R.T. Rybak today paid up his end of his friendly wager with Green Bay Mayor Jim Schmitt on the outcome of last Saturday’s NFC wild-card game, which the Green Bay Packers won against the Minnesota Vikings.

I’m pausing here, because I want you to assume that when two mayors make a bet, they’re betting money (like normal people), or at least some kind of service. Like, if the Packers lost, Schmitt would have to do Rybak’s laundry for a month, sitcom style. Maybe it’d be a SimCity thing, where if the Vikings lost, Rybak would have to send Schmitt an amusement park or zoo.

Continue reading. Here’s where the Rybak joke really gets good:

“We lost fair and square, so we’re sending the sausages,” Mayor Rybak said. “Next year, the Vikings will win it all — but until then, sadly, the cheese stands alone.”

FEED. ME. MORE! FEED. ME. MORE!

Mayor Rybak has sent Mayor Schmitt house-made sausages from Minneapolis restaurant Butcher and the Boar, recently named Restaurant of the Year by the Star Tribune. Mayor Schmitt had wagered Green Bay cheese, root beer and candy.

I know he’s gotta be true to his school and everything, but even the mayor of Minneapolis should’ve taken the Pack. Minnesota might hate him, but at least he’d have his sausage. Also, I hope next season begins with The Shield breaking into Minneapolis City Hall-Hennepin County Courthouse and beating him up. And taking his remaining food.

[via news release]

Lately, we’ve been trying to focus more on the positive side of sports news and gossip, which means more Dirk Nowitzki dressed up as Dr. Satan for the benefit of children or Daniel Bryan letting a little boy with cancer tap him out and less TMZ comparing women to sows. Even that had Kate Upton pictures in it. This trend will probably reverse when the new year drops and suddenly everybody has a sex tape, but for now, it’s a good thing.

In the spirit of positivity, here’s my favorite story of the day — a young Houston Texans fan became concerned when Arian Foster left the team’s 23-6 loss to the Minnesota Vikings early with an irregular heartbeat, so she decided to write him a letter to tell him he’s the best player on the team, and that she hopes his heart feels better. And she drew the logo!

As cute as that is, what makes the story truly great (and different from the time I wrote a letter to Cal Ripken Jr. when I was four with an enclosed macaroni & cheese baseball card and did not/have not heard back from him in almost 30 years) is the fact that Foster saw the letter, and took to Twitter to respond. He didn’t draw any logos, but it’s almost as adorable:

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For the past few days, some of our Interweb bloggy peers have been speculating that the recent Twitter activity between Minnesota Vikings QB Christian Ponder and ESPN college football reporter Samantha Steele made it seem like they had something going on. Like, maybe they were sexting like the cool kids do. And it turns out they do have something going on, because Ponder is an open kind of dude and he pretty much welcomes men everywhere, between the ages of 15 and 55, hating him.

I don’t want to come off as one of those bros who only talks about Steele because she’s very attractive, because I think she’s excellent at her job. But yes, she is very attractive. And Ponder is showing flashes of being a solid-to-great franchise QB for the Vikings, so of course they’ll just run off and get married now and have a bunch of kids that are really popular and cool, and Ponder will be elected president and they’ll do it in the Lincoln bedroom and everyone will be like, “World peace!” and good for them, because would it kill Ponder to let Adrian Peterson score one damn touchdown this week?

Wow, I’m an emotional mess today because of this news, as I’m sure many other dudes who think Samantha has that whole “Brooklyn Decker with an incredible sports encyclopedia” for a brain thing happening. I guess there are worse guys out there for her – Mark Sanchez, Matt Leinart, Brian Urlacher, to name a few – but we’re allowed to be sad, fellas. So I’ve put together this excessive collection of GIFs for both bros and babes to gauge their emotional response.

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And now, a post on a semi-reputable sports comedy blog about how I once at lobster at a seafood restaurant shaped like a barn and threw up everywhere.

Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson was rushed to the hospital on Monday. That’s a scary sentence, especially for a guy currently on the physically unable to perform list already, trying hard to recover from surgery. He was experiencing shortness of breath and a swelling of the face (!) at the Vikings’ dormitory at Minnesota State University and had to be golf-carted to a medical facility. The terrifying cause? He’d eaten some bad seafood during lunch.

WE ARE THE SAME, YOU AND I.

“He’s doing fine,” Frazier said Monday, July 30. “He’ll pick back up with his rehab (Tuesday). He’s been cleared. Everything’s back to normal now. Bit of a scare but he’s fine now.”

The team was unaware of any specific food allergies Peterson had, Frazier said.

“He had mentioned there was a time early in his life where he had an allergic reaction to something, maybe not quite as severe as this,” the coach said. (via TwinCities.com)

One of the reasons I stopped eating meat in its entirety is because my body went YEAH RIGHT after I ate it and exploded from the inside. My last two experiences with shellfish were (1) the aforementioned barn thing when I was seven, which was the most embarrassing moment of my life until (2) a New Years Eve dinner 15 years later when I decided maybe I was just sick that day and not allergic to seafood at all. That ended with me lying on the ground waiting for someone to take me to the hospital while my head transmogrified into Rocky Dennis from The Mask. Hopefully, Adrian’s experience wasn’t as damningly miserable as those. We wish you a speedy recovery, friend!

In other injury news, wide receiver Percy Harvin jammed a finger trying to open a crab leg and will miss the entire season.

What, this isn't good enough?

Aw crap, more state politics. This time we’re talking new stadium agreements, and the fun begins in Minnesota, where the Vikings have agreed to terms on a partnership with the taxpayers for the creation of a $975 million stadium. The team will pay $477 million toward the new facility, while the state and Minneapolis will pay the other $498 million. This is truly a remarkable day for unions between the people and the billionaires who take all of their money.

But before you go shopping for new tailgate gear, Vikings fans, you should probably know that you will never ever be able to see just how that taxpayer money is being spent, because the state gave the Vikings a “blanket protection” that allows Zygi Wilf and Co. to be super secretive about everything they do. Hooray, democracy!

One provision would shield “any financial information” from the team from public eyes. Critics say the blanket protection goes beyond state law, leaving taxpayers in the dark.

“We now have the largest public commitment in the state’s history in an agreement with the Vikings, and we have an unprecedented lack of disclosure,” said Rep. Mary Liz Holberg, R-Lakeville, who voted against the stadium bill. (Via the Seattle Times)

Basically, Governor Mark Dayton and a team of people that he will choose will be able to check in on the finances of the Vikings and their new stadium whenever they want. And if they see something they don’t like, they can handle it internally. But even if it’s something totally f*cked up, the public still can’t see it. Dayton might as well cut the stadium’s ribbon, scream, “HEY, LOOK OVER THERE!” and light a pile of money on fire.

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Back in October, my Italian cousin Vince at FilmDrunk gave us a glimpse inside of former “Growing Pains” star and current Tim Tebow superfan Kirk Cameron’s incredibly boring birthday party that featured a small cake, some $5 footlongs from Subway, and poor, poor Belinda. Well Cameron’s going to need to kill someone at his next party to win the Saddest Party Award this year, because Minnesota Vikings RB Adrian Peterson’s New Year’s Eve party was about as sad as they get, according to some pictures he posted on Twitter.

Peterson, who signed a 7-year, $100 million contract extension this season, spent his New Year in the hospital, recovering from surgery on his knee, after he tore both his ACL and MCL against the Washington Redskins in Week 16. Doctors and experts claim that this type of surgery will take at least 8 months for a full recovery, which would put AP’s return right around the start of the season, but he would realistically might not be ready to play until Week 4 or 5. Of course, AP isn’t the average RB so he fully believes that he’ll be ready to start the 2012 season. And maybe if he’s really lucky, the Vikings will be ready to play as well.

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