Yesterday we shared with you a clip of Philadelphia Phillies ballgirl Genevieve Haney snagging a foul ball and paired it with a dozen or so Instagram photos of her sunbathing or hanging out with the Phillie Phanatic. Genevieve loved the post and shared it with her friends, because that’s how she rolls.

Now, on the opposite end of that coolness spectrum we have Tuesday night’s Minnesota Twins ballboy. In this GIF (courtesy of the always stellar Tom Fornelli at South Side Asylum), the poor guy is tasked with taking Ryan Doumit’s bat and royally eats it, slipping on the grass and nearly taking Doumit down with him. He gets a pat on the butt for his troubles, and sad Charlie Brown walks back to the dugout knowing only Doumit, the people in the stands, the people watching at home and everyone on the Internet noticed it.

Much like the lovely Geneieve, Minnesota Twins bat boy is a big fan of Instagram, so I’ve put together a collection of my favorite snaps from his collection. You’ll really want to see these.

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I’d like to preface this story by saying I’m a diehard Cleveland Indians fan. I’ve been to Yankee Stadium to watch the Tribe play, and when I went I wore my C hat and my jersey with a big red “INDIANS” across the front. When the Tribe scored, I cheered. When the Yankees scored, I booed. At no point was beer thrown on me, and at no point was I kicked in the face and knocked over multiple rows of steps.

Here’s my theory: I am not a dumb asshole. Also, I like a team that never wins.

Per the fine cats at Deadspin:

Things heat up around the 1:15 mark when alleged Red Sox fan punches someone and a regular slobber knocker ensues. Alleged Red Sox fan clearly got the worst of it as she took a boot to the face and tumbled back over the seats. Tipster Dave informs us that Alleged Red Sox fan was taking abuse most of the day and eventually had enough. This is the result.

Please enjoy that result, which lands somewhere between “tandem skydiving” and “being elbow-deep in Kate Upton” on the list of great (and somehow horrible) moments of which I’ll never be a part:

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In “piece of information included in passing that we’re contractually obligated to cover” news:

[Minnesota Twins star Justin] Morneau has been taking infield before every game, and said he also expects to be play some first base before that series in Milwaukee.

“I’ve been over there, trying to keep myself in shape, my legs in shape, and to stay sharp for whenever I get out there,” Morneau said. “It’s just a matter of time.”

Morneau entered Saturday’s game hitting .231 with a homer and two doubles, and said he’s still trying to adjust to serving as designated hitter. He said Thursday that he plans on calling former Twins DH Jim Thome for advice. (via MLB.com)

That call, presented in its entirety, is today’s edition of The Dugout: Opening Days ’12.

[h/t to Matt Dillon]

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Game 7 of the World Series goes down tonight, and I think I’d be a bad sports blogger if I didn’t tell you to put aside whatever reservations you have about watching boring-old baseball and watch it. Don’t watch an all new episode of ‘Chuck’, don’t watch any of the season’s 14 new shows about how fairy tales are happening in real life, don’t watch Smackdown. Watch baseball. These two teams have played a hell of a series, and no matter what goes down tonight they deserve your attention. Watch it with your son, and use Joe Buck as an example of how you’re good at your job, so no matter what your child wants to do with his life, he can always do your job, only way worse. Fathers and sons, and all of that.

If you aren’t convinced, check out Burnsy’s illustrated recap of the crazy genius of game 6. Personally, I’m rooting for the Rangers. Sure, I live in Texas, but I want them to win so I can drive three hours north and take a bunch of pictures of drunk people carousing for my website. Also, there might be riots in St. Louis if the Cardinals win, but we’d be fine, as Arlington is barely a city to begin with. What’re they going to do, f**k up the Six Flags?

Have a safe, happy and hopefully fire-free weekend, everybody.

In news that could make me the happiest blogger who also runs a Jim Thome-themed baseball webcomic on the entire Internet, Minnesota Twins designated hitter Jim Thome was claimed on waivers by the Cleveland Indians. Jason Kubel was also claimed by the Chicago White Sox, but does anybody care about Jason Kubel, honestly? It’s all about JIM, the latest member of the 600 home run club, the man who spent twelve years, three All-Star Game appearances and two World Series Championship near-wins (okay, one World Series near-win) in Cleveland. He accepted a contract with the Phillies and everyone in Cleveland turned on him, but I am not going to care about that because CAPITAL LETTERS and BASEBALL JOY.

Of course, the deal isn’t official yet.

The claims do not mean that either player will change teams. The Twins can trade Thome and/or Kubel. They also can keep one or both or allow one or both to leave on a claim.

Thome, who holds a full no-trade clause, and can reject any deal. He prefers the Phillies to the Indians, one source said, but it’s doubtful he could circumvent the waiver process to land with Philadelphia.

The Twins must decide on Thome and Kubel by 1 p.m. ET Friday. The Indians are six games out in the AL Central, the White Sox 61/2 out. But Thome could fit well in Cleveland, and the same is true of Kubel in Chicago.

Of course, getting Thome to the Phillies (again, argh) would be a pretty complicated process — the Twins would have to pull him off trade waivers and place him on release waivers, and Thome would have to reject every team claim besides Philadelphia … and even then he’d have to give up 500-grand in salary, convince the Twins to let him do this even though they’d get nothing in return, and not piss off every rival team with wire manipulation. All he’d have to do to get to Ohio is hang out, switch back to brown mustard and renew his season tickets at the Cleveland Play House.

More on this story as it develops, possibly involving me jumping up and down and clapping.

Jim Thome hit his 600th home run.

Everyone who has ever read the Dugout sent me a message saying “hey, can’t wait to read the Thome Dugout”. He’s been our signature character for over seven years now. ESPN stuttered saying “Jim” and I couldn’t tell whether or not they did it on purpose. Maybe this dumb baseball webcomic will be erased and forgotten in a hundred years, but I hope the big goofy rosey-cheeked manchild we spotlit along the way gets his big shiny face in the Baseball Hall Of Fame and is never forgotten.

Today’s Dugout follows.

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