For reasons that scientists have yet to discover, Minnesota Timberscrub Marko Jaric is still dating Brazilian supermodel Adriana Lima, as you can see from these photos of them at American Ballet Theatre’s Noche Latina held earlier this week. (Side note: before anyone disses the ballet, I recommend checking out ABT’s Gillian Murphy and Irina Dvorovenko.)
You know, I can accept that star athletes date supermodels. That’s their God-given right for being ungodly rich superhuman physical specimens who are generally better than I am in most facets of life. But this… this isn’t right. If Jaric’s eyes were any closer together he’d be a cyclops. He makes lemurs and owls look walleyed.
Suicide-inducing UPDATE: They got engaged yesterday.
[on 205th]
The Timberwolves are fucking awful. At 4-27, they easily have the worst record in the NBA. But coach Randy Wittman is staying positive about the team.
Before the game, Wittman pointed out that if Minnesota had managed to win even half of the eight games in which it led or was tied heading into the fourth quarter, it would have eight wins. Memphis, Miami and New York have eight wins, Seattle nine, the L.A. Clippers 10 and Sacramento, Chicago, Milwaukee and Charlotte 11. Is there really such a big difference between Minnesota and those other teams?
"Why, if we didn't choke all the fucking time, we'd be as good as the Knicks! We're very nearly as good as the public laughingstocks! Hey, can I get a raise or what?"
[Via TrueHoop]
Marko Jaric is apparently the point guard for the Timberwolves. I've only ever been familiar with his name as the last guy mentioned in a trade; he's the NBA equivalent of a player to be named later. At least that was the case until the news surfaced that he's dating supermodel Adriana Lima (pictured here on the runway, backstage, and after the Victoria's Secret fashion show). Once falsely accused of touching Derek Jeter's diseased phallus, Lima apparently likes Jaric enough to sit through T-wolves games, as she caught his game in Denver after Thanksgiving.
Teammate Mark Madsen spilled the beans on Jaric's relationship with Lima. "Ever since he started dating Adriana Lima, he's a new man," Madsen said, laughing. "He's flying all over the court. He dunked! I've never seen him dunk."
Jaric, who scored a season-high 21 points Monday during the Wolves' 103-94 win, took the teasing in stride. Asked if the relationship is the reason why he's playing better, he smiled and said: "Maybe that's the thing, I don't know."
No shit he's playing better than ever before. Her vagina has powers that the world's greatest philosophers can only theorize about. If I could have sex with her on a regular basis the crime rate in New York City would disappear and I'd find a cure for cancer in my spare time. Except I'd probably spend all my spare time having sex with her, so… tough luck, cancer people. At least the streets will be safe.
Joining the storied ranks of Shaquille O'Neal, Allen Iverson, Ron Artest, and probably some other people, Minnesota Timberwolf Troy Hudson became the latest NBA player to release a rap CD. And as you can probably guess, it's a huge hit.
Timberwolves guard Troy Hudson's first rap album, "Undrafted," sold 78 copies in the first week after it was released on July 17.
Seventy-eight thousand? Hundred? Is that number supposed to be in dozens? Because I could write a book and get at least 80 people to buy it in the first week. And people fucking hate books. But I could do it. My mom and dad would buy two apiece, then from there it's just calling in favors and threatening to stab bookstore customers. Piece of cake.
Expect Hudson's follow-up album "Unpurchased" to be released never.
Right now the big buzz — replacing the downers of Bill Walsh's death and Mike Vick's dogfighting case — is the potentially positive development of Kevin Garnett's impending trade to the Celtics.
The trade as reported: Garnett to the C's for Al Jefferson, Ryan Gomes, Sebastian Telfair, Gerald Green, Theo Ratliff's expiring contract, and future draft picks. Or, more succinctly: KG for Al Jefferson, chump change, and chumps. Predictably, fan boners are rock-hard all over the Internet, from the Sports Guy to MJD (whose headline-photo combo is downright frightening). And I haven't even gone over to CelticsBlog yet. I'm afraid I met get wet.
Are you ready for Rajon Rondo? Does this make the C's a contender? The automatic sacrificial lamb to the Western Conference? The answer, of course, is that I'm not gonna care until next April anyway, so why bother. Can you sense my ironic detachment? Not caring about things is what makes me so cool.
There was an interesting show during halftime of the Timberwolves vs. Heat game at the Target Center last night:
Several entertainers were using trampolines to get airborne and perform acrobatic dunks during the intermission, and one apparently grabbed the rim for too long.
The rim that the Heat were to shoot at in the second half was badly bent, so workers wheeled the entire structure — backboard, frame and all — out of the arena and brought a backup piece of equipment into play.
Why bring a new basket out? You're in the West - you need the wins. Let's see Shaq dunk on a rim that wasn't there. Alas, my fellow Irishman, Kevin McHale, did not consult me, and the Heat went on to win the game 105-91. This reminds me of the Catholic Grade School Athletic Conference tactic of removing the peach baskets of the vistor's goal. Every team had a perfect home record (except St. Emeric, they really sucked). The great equalizer came at the conference tourney on the miniature court at St. Benedict's in beautiful Blue Island. The gym was too small for a full-size court, so after the ball was advanced past "half" court, there was a line behind that you could take the ball back to without an Over and Back violation. I had no idea where I was on that fucking court, of course the heroin didn't help. (That's right Jim Carroll ripped me off - imagine an Irish DiCaprio with more cigarette burns.) -KD
