This video might your stomach churn, and not in that “watching a dog hump a chicken” sort of way: Giants pitcher Joe Martinez suffered a concussion after the Brewers’ Mike Cameron hit a line drive up the middle in what was essentially garbage time of their game yesterday. Martinez actually stood up after enduring the shot before sitting on the mound at the direction of the Giants’ training staff. I find that to be rather badass.
I didn’t like the idea of the Palin-Huizenga hybrid staying on top of the page all night, so here’s the semi-anticipated Marisa Miller/Ryan Braun ad for Remington. You may remember the post in August when we were first introduced to photos of the shoot. Or more likely not. So here it is, the video you’ve barely been thinking about!
Because it’s a web ad, or maybe because Remington cut costs by firing all editors, or maybe because they hired a group of seventh graders to write, the commercial features some of the worst acting this side of NSFW and runs for an astounding two and a half minutes. Which is what I really need as a consumer: longer advertisements.
Don’t get me wrong, I’d cut my penis off if it that’s what it took for Marisa Miller to touch it, but I’m still not gonna say this video is great just because it gives me close-ups of things of body parts that I’ve already got memorized down to the individual pore.
Ah, the friendly sports wager between mayors and governors before a sporting event: the easiest and lamest way to garner attention for an incumbent politician. This edition of the story you’ve seen countless times before features the delicious artery-blocking goods of Milwaukee and Philadelphia:
In a bet with the governor of Pennsylvania, Gov. Jim Doyle Tuesday promised to send Miller Brewing products, Klement’s sausages and Secret Stadium Sauce if the Philadelphia Phillies beat the Milwaukee Brewers in the best-of-five-games playoff series.
And if the Brewers take the series, Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell said, he will send Doyle an assortment of Yuengling Brewery products and some traditional Philadelphia cheesesteaks.
Goddam I hate these bets. Who the hell mails cheeseteaks? Just once I wanna see a bet where the losing governor has to visit the opposing state’s legislature and let the winner kick him in the balls.
You have to give credit to the Mets: it wasn’t a total collapse that left them out of the postseason. They did, after all, have a dramatic walkoff win last Thursday night, and Johan Santana pitc
hed a brilliant three-hit shutout on short rest on Saturday. But on the season’s final day, when the Brewers’ CC Sabathia was pitching a four-hit complete game gem to put the Mets in a must-win situation to keep pace, the Mets’ bullpen — what else? — failed them, and their lineup’s big bats couldn’t save the game, or the season.
With considerably less media fanfare, but with a painful end befitting the franchise, Shea Stadium closed for good with that Marlins win — the second time in as many seasons that Florida has ended New York’s playoffs hopes at home. Shea will always be remembered for the big apple that pops out of the top hat and the flights coming in and out of Laguardia — two features that will be a part of the ew Citi Field. So really, who cares? So long, crappy stadium.
Other important MLB action: The White Sox and Twins both won, forcing the Sox to play a make-up game today against the Tigers, who can’t be happy that their painful season is forced to last another day. Sox lose and go home, win and they host a tiebreaker against Minny. No pressure. Just don’t think about choking.
I understand it’s a little late in the day for a baseball recap, but I have to say, I’m impressed with the MLB action last night. After a mere five and a half months of tedium, nearly 30% of last night’s games both ended in dramatic fashion AND had an impact on the playoff race. Way to go, baseball.
Most impressively, the Mets played against type by overcoming a deficit with several clutch plays in the late innings to win in the bottom of the 9th. Carlos Beltran’s walkoff single sealed the 7-6 victory over the Cubs after Ryan Church dramatically eluded a tag at home to tie the game in the 8th. The win moves the Mets to within a game of the Phillies.
Keeping pace in the wild card race, the Brewers beat the Pirates when Ryan Braun’s tenth-inning grand slam ended the game, while over in the AL Central, the White Sox finished coughing up their division lead. Chicago blew a 6-3 lead, then the Twins completed the series sweep when Alexi Casilla singled home the winning run in the 10th.
All in all, a pretty exciting night. Makes me look forward to the playoffs a little. I think I’m almost ready to handle Jeanne Zelasko’s face in HD.
NL — The Brewers led the Cubs 6-2 with two outs and nobody on in the ninth, but Chicago delivered a brutal strike to the groin, scoring four runs to tie the game before Derrek Lee’s game-winning single in the 12th. The Cubs’ magic number is now down to 2, while their imaginary number remains the square root of negative one… Pat Burrell’s two-run homer sealed the Phillies’ 4-3 victory over the Braves, completing a 9-0 season sweep in Turner Field. Hey, remember when the Braves used to make the playoffs? This is way better… The Mets kept pace in the East (and extended their wild card lead to 1.5 games) with a 7-2 win over the Nats thanks to a shutdown performance from Johan Santana. It’s always good to see a small-market team like the Mets hang tough.
AL — Evan Longoria clubbed three home runs for the Rays, but the Twins still managed an 11-8 triumph that pulled them within a game and a half of the White Sox… That’s four baseball games recapped. I’d say that’s enough.
Football — Dude, your fantasy team is so screwed: Adrian Peterson (hamstring) and LaDainian Tomlinson (toe) both missed practice yesterday… #21 West Virginia fell to Colorado in overtime because Mountaineer kicker Pat McAfee missed a 23-yeard field goal. Even worse for the ‘Eers? They’re missing class today! I hope they got friends to take notes for them.
