photo credit: THQ.com

Unlike the Kitana-costume-donning AJ Lee, whose 10 most beloved video games were featured on Monday, Kofi Kingston hasn’t made any big shout-outs to gaming culture on WWE programming. But much like Lee, Kingston is dedicated to the medium and was totally down to write and rank his favorite games before doing a countdown interview a while back. “The top 10 list is a big deal, so you didn’t have to ask me twice,” says the resident king of resourceful Royal Rumble spots.

Kingston’s life with video games began with the 1987 Commodore 64 title Barbarian: The Ultimate Warrior. As a console player, he’s run the gamut. At first, his loyalty was strictly with Nintendo (he despised Sega), but his allegiance began to wobble when the SNES version of Mortal Kombat hit and substituted blood for sweat. Later, he was a fan of the original PlayStation. When he and Zack Ryder were going through developmental together, Ryder’s mom got her son an Xbox 360. Since Ryder wasn’t really into video games, Kingston bought the barely used 360 for a song and soon became an Xbox guy. Currently, he owns all three major consoles plus, as an episode of WWE’s YouTube series Superstar Toyz indicated, a 125-games-in-one arcade cabinet. “I guess that’d be pretty hardcore if you had to put a tag on it,” he says.

As of this writing, Kingston has disappointingly been given nothing to do for WrestleMania 29 on Sunday. If he doesn’t get a last-minute slot, this will mark the first WrestleMania without a Kofi match on the card since he debuted in WWE in 2008. Seeing as how he could especially use some love right now, let’s hand off the reins to everyone’s favorite ex-Jamaican to hear his ballot.

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I had a great joke ready to go, but Bob’s Blitz beat me to it:

You had no idea that King Hippo was a real, live, MMA fighter, now did you?

It’s glorious. Just like the character from Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!!, a fat, bald guy in gym shorts and gloves takes a few shots to the head from his opponent and feels no pain. So he starts raising his arms and opening his mouth, opening himself up for a free shot. That leaves him open, and he goes down to one well-placed punch. The only thing missing is the Hippo 8-bit blip scream and Great Tiger waiting in the wings. He should show up to his next fight with an X patch over his navel.

For an hilarious added bonus, wait until the 0:46 mark when some random guy comes flipping into the ring from the sky for no reason. I wish MMA was always this weird.

Former UFC fighter Kimbo Slice is having a hell of a boxing career; he won his first professional fight against a guy we jokingly referred to as Glass Joe (from Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!!) by just sorta walking toward a guy and punching, so it makes sense that his second opponent wouldn’t be much harder. The video, courtesy of our friends at Cage Potato, depicts Saturday’s entire Kimbo vs. Tay Bledsoe fight, wherein Tay gets a boxing glove brushed across his nose and it causes him to instantly lose consciousness and collapse, and probably die. You’d think a guy who was a boxing teacher (… at the military academy!) would’ve stuck in there longer, but whatever, he’s the second guy.

Eventually Kimbo’s going to have to throw hands someone who doesn’t think a quick payday is more important than dignity, but I swear, if his next opponent is an Asian guy in a “Japan’s Best” headband I’m going to laugh my ass off. Worst case scenario, somebody takes a punch and throws one back, and Kimbo signs up for three more Scorpion King movies and leaves the punching to Billy Zane.

Kimbo Slice made his professional boxing debut at Buffalo Run Casino in Miami, Oklahoma, on Saturday night. Here’s everything you need to know about Kimbo’s life from birth until Saturday afternoon — he’s great at punching people to death, but because the world of mixed martial arts involves more than walking forward and punching, it didn’t really work out for him. Kimbo took some time off to heal up and train, and for his first opponent he chose James Wade, a guy who might as well have been a scarecrow with a piece of Wonderbread stapled to his face. Let me put it to you this way:

“James Wade is an American fighter out of Missouri, and he’s 0-1, but he doesn’t want to go 0-2. For Kimbo Slice it’s a great fight for his pro debut, it will give us time to assess where Kimbo is through his training, and how his learning curve has already begun,” Team Kimbo promotional advisor Jared Shaw said about the match-up.

“For James Wade this is his heavyweight championship, for Kimbo Slice this is his pro boxing debut.”

James Wade did not win the heavyweight championship.

Please enjoy all 17 seconds of Kimbo Slice vs. James Wade, with a little post-game wrap-up from the guy who still has his face.

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As much as I bag on hockey, I really do like the sport despite being a St. Louis Blues fan and constantly miserable. What I really love is a good hockey fight, especially when the refs just let it happen, and even more so when everyone is into it. Take the Dallas Stars, for example. When fights break out at the American Airlines Center, the music from Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out plays over the speaker system. And things were no different on Wednesday night when Dallas’ Krys Barch got into it with Edmonton’s Zack Stortini.

Dallas ended up winning the game 3-1, as Brenden Morrow had two goals, but the real winner was my childhood. I think it’s imperative that we include more theme songs from classic video games into sporting events. We could play the Tetris theme every time Tony LaRussa makes a lineup change or the Super Mario Bros. music at San Antonio Spurs games because Manu Ginobli looks like a Koopa Troopa.

Video after the jump…

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