Sports On TV: Married… With Children’s 20 Greatest Sports Moments

Written by Brandon Stroud / 09.06.12

Let’s rock.

Each week, Sports On TV looks at the 20 (or so) greatest sports-related moments from television shows that aren’t always about sports. This week we tackle the low-brow 1987-97 FOX classic ‘Married… With Children’, and honestly, it’s the closest we’ve come to saying f**k it and just writing about sports shows. MWC featured more sports moments and guest appearances than almost any other sitcom, and even featured a sports moments clip-show in the middle of its 10th season. Instead of just finding that on YouTube and posting it here, we’ve put together our own list.

The entire run of ‘Married…’ is currently streaming on Netflix, so if you read about Al Bundy punching a heavyset lady in the stomach or beating a bunch of old people at track and field and want to check it out, you can do so there. If our top 20 didn’t feature your favorite moment, be sure to drop down into the comments section and let us know what we missed.

But for now, enjoy the 20 greatest sports moments from ‘Married… With Children’. Let’s get the greatest moment in television history out of the way first …

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MIKE PIAZZA IS HANGING UP THE NAILPOLISH

Written by JOSH Z / 05.20.08

After 16 years of alleged homosexuality baseball, Mike Piazza is retiring. 

"After discussing my options with my wife, family and agent, I felt it is time to start a new chapter in my life," he said in a statement released Tuesday by his agent, Dan Lozano. "It has been an amazing journey … So today, I walk away with no regrets.

His 396 homers are easily the most as a catcher, according to the Elias Sports Bureau. 

How can you be walking away when nobody signed you this year? How is sitting on your living room sofa for six weeks not a regret? Your ass was holding out hope for six weeks that someone would pick you up. Then you went all, "They didn't break up with me! I broke up with THEM!" And off to your room you ran, weeping like a little bitch. But then Uncle Chester came over–though he's not your real uncle–and made everything all better. I love you, son. Even if you do like boys.

[thanks to ESPN, home of the Jeremy Schaap Masturbating Lounge, coming this Memorial Day Weekend] 

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MIKE PIAZZA IS STILL ALIVE

Written by Matt / 08.24.07

The Athletics cruised to a 12-2 win over the Devil Rays last night, and I gotta tell ya, there's nothing quite as gratifying as highlighting a blowout game between two teams not in contention that no one cares about.  But I bring it up because Mike Piazza was resurrected from the dead for one game, going 4-for-5 with 5 RBI and a two-run homer.  Nothing about any of this is particularly relevant, but I understand that people enjoy calling him gay, so have at it.  Maybe he'll hold another press conference.

Side note: Remember the Rangers' 30-3 win Wednesday?  As the Dugout pointed out, Wes Littleton actually earned a save in that game.  He entered in the seventh inning with Rangers leading 14-3, pitched three innings, and got the save.  Now, I recognize that I don't care enough about baseball to understand the rules behind every little statistic, but did the Orioles have ten people on base when Littleton entered the game?  Thinking about it makes my head hurt.  Or maybe that's all the booze last night.

Other MLB scores: Mets rally from 6-1 and 8-7 deficits (the latter in the bottom of the 9th) but lose in ten innings to the Padres… Nobody scores any runs for 9 innings, then Indians extend AL Central lead with 3-1 win in 10.

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