When the Denver Broncos traded quarterback Jay Cutler to the Chicago Bears prior to last season, the Vanderbilt standout was labeled as arrogant, a crybaby and a malcontent. Bears fans only cared that he wasn’t Rex Grossman. That is, until he threw 26 interceptions. But now he’s a man of determination and leadership, and the reason for that is the portly purveyor of points, Mike Martz.

The former architect of the St. Louis Rams’ “Greatest Show on Turf” – and retread for countless sad sack franchises – was hired by the Bears as offensive coordinator to groom and cultivate Cutler, who went over like a fart in a spacesuit in former OC Ron Turner’s anemic system. The Bears have already noticed the striking similarities in attitude between their new Jedi and his apprentice, with the sole exception being Martz’s love of sugary foods. Can’t win them all, Jay.

Mix the TV show I hate most with my favorite adult actress, ESPN Chicago:

Like “Entourage,” a once-funny show gone downhill in the past couple years, the Bears are hoping their 2010 season is trending upward. While the HBO show added crossover adult film star Sasha Grey to its cast, the Bears added a provocateur of their own in Mike Martz, the offensive mastermind.

“I love it,” Cutler said of Martz’s system, which encourages the quarterback to throw to spots where receivers should be. “There’s a lot to like about it. The ball’s in the air. We’re doing some great stuff in the run game. It’s personnel-based so we’re trying to get guys open, trying to find spaces for them, trying to find matchups.”

As much as I dislike Entourage, I’ve always pictured the Bears more like According to Jim. But I guess that’s just one of the many benefits of having Jim Belushi as your biggest fan.

Devin Hester has also looked to Martz’s former Rams offense for inspiration, and he’s been picking future Hall-of-Fame receiver Isaac Bruce’s brain about how to succeed in this system. Hester will embrace the role of the “Z” receiver for the Bears, which means he should probably talk to Az Hakim or Ricky Proehl, but the effort is what matters. This presumably means we’ll also hear comparisons of Matt Forte to Marshall Faulk, which is good because we all need to laugh in these trying times.

(Banner pic via NotJayCutler )

It didn’t take a Jew-hating shark to realize that defensive-minded head coach Mike Singletary would have no use for the pass-happy schema created by Offensive Genius™ Mike Martz. But Martz still hasn’t caught on with another team, most likely because of some logical, merit-based rationale. Right, Mike?

“People are determined to keep me out of the league,” Martz told Tom Curran of NBCSports.com. “It’s been going on for three years and at this point, I can’t fight it. I just can’t fight it. Three years of people putting it out there that I’m a high-maintenance lunatic.

“I keep asking, ‘Who says these things?’ No one will tell you. But I just put two and two together. But when you have a tag and the same damaging things get said two or three times it becomes very hard to shake that tag.”

I was once “tagged” as a “ruthless masturbator” at this one job. So management was all, “Well, this guy likes to wank it on company time, which is deplorable, but we really need this Mail Merge project finished, so we’ll just look the other way until he’s done.” And honestly, they should have been looking the other way to begin with. They didn’t pay me nearly enough to keep my hand out of my pants.

[PFT]