I was pleased as hunch punch this morning when I saw that my cooler UPROXX cousin Christmas Ape had already covered the news that Frank Caliendo was out at FOX Sports as the go-to guy for the NFL pre-game’s horrible impressions of impressions. I was pleased not because I wouldn’t get to talk about it, but because Ape pointing out that Pro Football Talk’s Mike Florio thinking Caliendo is hilarious saved me a 3,000-word rant that would have drawn more expletives than currently exist in the English language.
Instead, I want to focus on Caliendo’s own Facebook response to this matter. I don’t know if he was actually fired, and I don’t really care. All I know is that every Sunday morning during the NFL season, I watch CBS and the NFL Network for a reason before the games begin. That reason has always been Frank Caliendo. He is the lowest-hanging fruit on comedy’s apple tree, presuming that Carrot Top is the dead, rotting fruit covered in dirt.
To everyone asking about the FOX pregame. I will not be back this coming season. It was great to be part of the team with Terry and the guys for the last 9 years, but it’s time to move on. I have a couple of upcoming ventures that look like they may be pretty cool… And as soon as I can tell you more about them– I definitely will. More soon!
Alas, I come here not to bury Caliendo, but to offer him some advice and perhaps make a plea bargain with him. I know that Caliendo will not stay entirely out of sports, because he’s too convenient for the lazy radio and podcast folks, and even cable news talking heads, to call up for their occasional dancing monkey. But Caliendo belongs in Las Vegas. He is the type of entertainer that the city was built for. Someone just give him a show already so he can disappear for a little while and let us watch our pre-game coverage without having to worry about how much nitrous oxide they’ll have to spray at Terry Bradshaw to make him cackle at Caliendo’s blackface Barkley routine.