D’Antonio: “Oh no they DIH-N’T!”
During the Knicks’ season-opening victory at Madison Square Garden, a group of retarded Knicks fans chanted for coach Mike D’Antoni to put in Stephon Marbury, which is kind of like cheering for lymphoma in the chemo ward. D’Antoni, not being retarded, took issue with the fans.
With some in the Garden crowd surprisingly chanting “We Want Steph” with 11:10 remaining in the fourth (others booed the chant), a stewing D’Antoni was caught on MSG Network cameras Wednesday in a tirade, mouthing:
“You’ve got to be (bleeping) kidding me. You’ve got to be (bleeping) kidding me. What a bunch of (bleep) holes.”
D’Antoni later issued something between a denial and an apology, but he shouldn’t have. You know how annoying and useless the Turtle character is on “Entourage”? Put 15,000 of that guy into the same building and you’ve got a Knicks home game.
The Knicks won their first game under new coach Mike D’Antonio, who has apparently introduced the team to a new style of play called “trying.” With an up-tempo, balanced attack, the Knicks beat the new-look Heat 120-115 at Madison Square Garden.
Jamal Crawford led New York with 29 points, and five other players scored in the double digits. Notable cancers Stephon Marbury and Eddy Curry spent the entire game on the bench, a move that sports doctors are calling “teamotherapy.”
Elsewhere in the Association: Vince Carter, elected team captain? It’s true, and VC led the Nets past the Wizards 95-85… Eat a dick, Oklahoma City: Thunder lose in debut… Chris Paul’s self-described “ugly” game: 21 points on 9/17 shooting, 11 assists, and 5 rebounds in a New Orleans win… Lakers notch second-straight blowout win, become favorites to win championship by people who like to look eight months ahead.
Everybody's talking about the anniversary of something today.
Over on FOXsports.com, Elliott Kalb looks back on Magic Johnson's retirement, which was announced 15 years ago today after the luminous basketball star learned he had HIV. Back then we were all pretty sure he was gonna die pretty quickly, but he's hanging on pretty nicely. Still, at the time, it was a shocking public recognition that anyone could contract the virus, not just New York City queers and unfortunate blood transfusion recipients.
Even more depressing, ESPN.com's Page 2 is celebrating birthday #6 today. You can access the work of the sadly deceased Ralph Wiley and Hunter S. Thompson, as well as the sadly alive Scoop Jackson, whose featured Scoop Manifesto (AKA the "What I Believe" column) truly set a precedent for historic shittiness in written communication. Oh, and they've opened up the precious Sports Guy vault, if you're into that sort of thing.
But there is one bright spot today: it's the one-year anniversary of the Carolina TopCats' drunken lesbian bathroom stall sex, complete with a segue into foxy boxing. Angela and Renee, I salute you. And I don't think I need to spell out what I mean by "salute."
