For every beginning there is an end.

That’s the tagline for Final Destination 2. In case part of their audience considered that philosophy, the second tagline is

More Speed. More Horror. More Death.

…and I’m guessing “these people are dying and Lol it is crazy” is right behind. Anyway, The Dugout returns (in 3-D! Not really) with part two of SFinal Destination, from guest writer Bill Hanstock. If you didn’t read part one, please be sure to do so before reading today’s strip because it picks up right where part one left off without any exposition. Kinda like Final Destination 2. The real humor in this is knowing that while the injuries have been exaggerated a bit, literally everything going on in these comics happened in real life. Even Brian Wilson’s face.

Please click through and enjoy the comic. The thrilling conclusion happens tomorrow.

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Hey everybody, there’s a party in Brian Wilson’s beard and you’re invited! To continue, please click anywhere on Brian’s beard and watch a short video that asks, “do you realize ninjas?”

When you’re done there, turn your television over to Showtime, where “The Franchise” follows the San Francisco Giants in the 2010-2011 offseason as they come to terms with winning baseball’s richest prize and having to listen to this guy talk for more than a minute and a half.

Unable to handle my reaction to Brian Wilson’s comedy, I stranged myself to death and sold this Dugout as ad space for the upcoming “Franchise” season. Today’s Dugout follows, but I’m not responsible for any of it.

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The Chicago Cubs are 16 games under .500 and lost both games of a doubleheader yesterday, but at least their fans have been solid in the field.

It happened in the ninth inning of San Francisco’s 13-7 victory in the first game of the day-night twofer: Miguel Tejada disproved all known logic and science by hitting a ball into the left field bleachers at Wrigley Field, and a young man (the literal antithesis of that Houston Astros jerk that let a foul ball hit his girlfriend) caught the homer with his bare hands and launched it back onto the field — so far, in fact, that it almost hit Tejada on his way around the bases and rolled into the Giants dugout. I don’t know who this kid is, but I know how his story ends: with an eephus pitch to “Butch” Heddo.

Watch the video here, courtesy of MLB.com, and ask yourself aloud whether or not Tony Campana could’ve made this throw.

The only way it would’ve been better is if the ball had clipped Tejada in the helmet on the way down and knocked him down. If you knock Tejada down, could he even get back up? Is he like a big turtle?

[h/t Big League Stew]

Update: 4 pm, not midnight. I’m allowed to get one wrong on a Friday.

In moves that must be terrifying NBA executives from coast-to-coast, MLB teams are actually making pretty big deals in order to win as the trade deadline approaches tomorrow. Of course baseball has the waiver deadline as well, but this has been one of the more active trade deadlines in recent years, with the Texas Rangers and San Diego Padres stocking up on bats to hold on to their first place spots, while contenders like the Philadelphia Phillies try to erase the past with blockbuster deals. Meanwhile, the Pittsburgh Pirates are still the lone vote for a 12-game season.

The week began with the Arizona Diamondbacks dealing ace Dan Haren to the Los Angeles Angels of Angels Angels for a package involving Joe Saunders and prospects, and from there the trade deadline panties dropped. The biggest name to be dealt is Roy Oswalt, who has been the target of trade speculation for the past five seasons. The former Cy Young Award winner finally waived his no trade clause to pitch for a contender, or at least a team within 14 games of first place.

Just try to make us forget the Cliff Lee debacle, Philadelphia Inquirer:

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