Pre-show notes:

- Welcome to my second ever Best And Worst Of WWE [Insert Older Pay-per-view Show Title Here] report. The first effort, in case you missed it, was last month’s Best And Worst Of Royal Rumble 2000. That went over pretty well, even if it burned me out so much I couldn’t do a report for the 2012 edition, and Elimination Chamber is only a few years old so let’s consider “February PPV” time sensitive.

- Comments are appreciated. Clicking “like” is appreciated, tweets and retweets are appreciated, showing and sharing this to and with the people you know are appreciated. Older show reports are sketchy because nobody’s googling for them, so our traffic goes way down and they take like 80 hours to write, so why bother? But I WANT to write them, so if you support them and make them a success, I’ll keep cranking them out. At least make me popular enough to do a Best And Worst of that Glory Days Of Wrestling tin I bought at Half Price Books for like negative 2.99.

- Don’t forget to come back on Sunday and participate in our open discussion thread for Elimination Chamber 2012, happening live. I won’t be around for it, as I’ll be at ACW’s show in San Antonio, but I’ll be back in time to skim through and steal your jokes.

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather, follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and like us on Facebook.

- A.J. was only three years old when this pay-per-view happened so she is not featured, but don’t worry, this is when the Divas were nearly naked 24/7, so if you’re That Guy you’ll enjoy it anyway.

But for now, please enjoy the Best And Worst Of WWE No Way Out 2007.

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This is a funny hype song written and produced for UGA by some students: for the students, fans, faculty, and TEAM. All put together in a little over 1 day, just getting a little fun and excitement going on campus. O and yea, haha we’re ready to win the SEC! Let’s Go.

At what point in that “1 day” did the students go, “hey, let’s get that guy who looks like David Wooderson from Dazed And Confused to start us off, he looks like the rapping type”. And then at what point did they follow that with, “well, we need people in the video who have listened to rap music before, who goes to college and knows about rap music? 19 YEAR OLD WHITE GIRLS!” That’s when I stop wondering, because the next question would be, “whose idea was it to have the black midget in Ray Bans refer to UGA beating LSU as a ‘bust in the mouth upset’, because seriously, you guys know ‘bust in your mouth’ doesn’t mean punching anymore even if you make punching motions, right”.

The always hilarious Spencer Hall over at SBN has a scene-by-scene breakdown of the video, so once your brain has adjusted to the song and you’re able to form sentences like, “lol that guy looks like general custer” again, hop over and check it out.

One thing that recap doesn’t include is the LSU diss track response, which follows.

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Links

The 2011-2012 Indianapolis Colts Survival Guide In Three Steps - Step 4: Completely stop playing until Peyton Manning comes back. Step 5: Black uniforms. [Smoking Section]

GSP Sucks At Track - This is like a Powerade commercial done in reverse, and reminds me a little of that episode of “Full House” where the guys have a footrace and Danny takes Joey into the octagon and beats the dogsh*t out of him. [Cage Potato]

Wild Card, Kitten Mittens, Green Man, Milk Steak, And F*ck Yeah Tumblrs: An Interview With Charlie Day - Whoever got us a Charlie Day interview, please, get me an interview with the guy who plays Cricket so I can ask him at least 50 questions about being The Hutch on “The Joe Schmo Show”. [UPROXX]

Texts From Pawnee, Where ‘Parks And Recreation’ Hilariously Meets Texts From Last Night - This show cannot return soon enough, although we’re entering the “when The Office started getting bad” season, so I’m remaining cautious. [UPROXX]

The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 9/13 - Wrestling happened, and I’m going on vacation starting tomorrow afternoon, so read this ASAP. [With Leather]

Dwarf Who Played Gordon Ramsay in Porn Eaten By Badgers - Maybe the best headline of all time. Now if only someone could fill a failing restaurant with beavers and have them kill Robert Irvine. [Film Drunk]

Baby Cthulhu Is Adorable, Evil Incarnate - Man, Cthulhu is in everything now. When I was little, the only way I could get Cthulhu is by reading weird older people comic books. [Gamma Squad]

Here Is a Horse Pooping on Children’s TV - This wouldn’t be a big deal if the young people of today’s world weren’t all Rod and Todd Flanders. [Warming Glow]

Playboy October 2011 Issue Will Sell For 60 Cents! - If they want to be like Playboy from the 60s, maybe they can turn down the airbrushing a little. I can draw boobs on a napkin and have them look more realistic than what usually shows up in Playboy. [Buzzfeed]

Danny Glover one-ups the people who wear Crocs in public - He’s getting too old for this shirt. [FARK]

17 Things You Might Not Have Known About ‘The Lion King’ - I hate the Lion King so much. It was the first time in my life when I noticed something was a hacky rip-off, but nobody cared and told me things like “you think too much”! They should re-release The Lion King in 1D. [Moviefone]

Predicting How Many Episodes the Network TV’s New Fall Shows Will Last - USA shows passing off glancing white people as characters, 4-10 seasons. Everything else is already canceled. Stay tuned for season 14 of “In Plain Sight!” [Pajiba]

Far be it for any of us to pretend to be high and mighty drunks, so when people are caught on camera incoherent and stumbling around a sports venue, I like to think of it more as a celebration of free spirits than a criticism of too many spirits. For instance, we first have a Green Bay Packers fan who experiences some problem with his equilibrium while he presumably searches Bing for tips on how to stand up straight.

This sort-of-upstanding young Cheesehead was tailgating for the Packers’ home opener against the Buffalo Bills on Sunday, but instead of just a boring old story about guy + beer = retard, I like to imagine it a little differently. You see, Gary Ferbman was a promising amateur ice fisher when, during tournament preparation, he fell into another fisherman’s hole as part of a diabolical trap. For four years, Gary was frozen in ice until he was finally discovered and thawed on Saturday. When his friends asked him what he wanted to do first, he said, “I want to go watch the Packers and my favorite QB Brett Favre.”

And the rest is Schlitz binge drinking history. Video after the jump, plus bonus college debauchery.

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With TLC totally dropping the ball with all of the midget Little Person programming on television these days, it’s a relief that someone finally stepped up to see the one show that would dwarf all the LP programming on the tube to date: midget wrestling.

This half-hour reality series chronicles the often-absurd yet astonishing adventures of one of the most extraordinary performance wrestling groups in the country who will do just about anything inside and outside of the ring. A combination of “Jackass” and “Little People, Big World,” the series will be seen through the eyes of these extreme little people.

The “Half Pint Brawlers” consist of Puppet, the leader and founder of the group; Bobby, the ladies man; Kato, Bobby’s brother and veteran wrestler; Mad Mexx, the Immigration Sensation and hard core wrestler; Turtle, the rookie of the group paying his dues to become a Brawler; Teo, the smallest and most athletic member; and Spyder, the regular-size announcer for the group. –Spike TV (press release)

The show premieres June 2 at 11 PM, and I can’t wait to see it in all of its ass-biting glory. Bobby the ladies’ man is already my favorite. I bet all five of these guys could take on the Hulkster right now, and considering the Hulkster’s divorce, they probably make about as much money, too. A teaser video for the series awaits after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

If you were one of the lucky few that secured an invite to Lamar Odom’s bachelor party scheduled for last night, we offer our condolences. And so does Odom, who’s still scheduled (as far as we know) to marry Khloe Kardashian on Sunday.

“I am extremely thankful to Joe Francis and Rob Kardashian, for agreeing to host my bachelor party this evening at Hollywood hot spot Les Deux.

I regret, I will have to cancel this event because I have now decided to have a private dinner with my teammates, a few close friends and of course Joe Francis and Rob Kardashian.”
via, via.

Man, that would have been a sweet party, but it’s probably for the best that such an awesome event didn’t happen. How depressing would it be to have an awesome time with strippers and midgets and then realize, Oh, I have to get married in three days to someone who’s neither a stripper nor a midget. This is exactly why we’re hiring a clown to drink with us in Vegas. Because parties with strippers and midgets are just a logistical nightmare.