Bob’s Blitz sent this over, and there’s no way that it’s real. An 8th grade basketball team passes to a fat kid at the last second and he just throws it up over his head, and it GOES IN. Everyone cheers, and the fat kid is a hero. This doesn’t happen in real life. If happens in stuff like Heavyweights. Go-karts can’t jump other go-karts, and husky 8th graders don’t drain buckets like this. (via Bob’s)

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The Many Realities Of Matt Ryan |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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If it helps, you’re supposed to read that headline like the cover of a Jack Kirby comic.

Anyway, meet Bol Bol (pictured standing next to his famous father, right) (just kidding). He’s the Godzooky to Manute Bol’s Godzilla, a 13-year old who will one day grow into his terrifying limbs, develop a slingshot three-pointer and dominate the NBA, at least in that one little spot where he can stand without falling down.

Bol Bol is a 6’5 seventh grader who is the son of the late NBA player Manute Bol. Bol strokes threes just like his dad and even showed the ability to put it on the ground and create off the bounce. Bol has a good mid range jumper and has a good understanding of the pick and roll. These highlights are from the 2012 Cross Roads Elite Camp in Indianapolis.

A few observations:

1. That is the most terrifying 7th grader basketball camp ever. One kid looks exactly like Manute Bol, one kid has a full mustache in the seventh grade like he’s a Napoleon Dynamite joke and everyone is 6-foot-5. If I’d gone to that camp when I was 13 it would’ve been like Porky Pig playing against the Monstars.

2. This is living proof that if you procreate with Manute Bol, it doesn’t matter what you look like, that kid’s gonna straight-up look like Manute f**king Bol.

3. I like to think that Manute named his kid “Bol Bol” so that when they were announced together, it’d sound like his name was echoing a la Pride Of The Yankees. “Here’s Manute Bol, Bol Bol.”

4. I wonder if Bol Bol ever got to enjoy any of his dad’s festive cruises?

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The new face of parenting.

By way of Prep Rally and numerous local news anchors who seriously cannot believe this shit, a 52-year old Eagan, Minnesota, man was arrested and charged with fifth-degree domestic assault for responding to a a youth basketball tournament loss by grabbing his 13-ish year old son with one arm and repeatedly punching him in the face with the other.

The outburst unfolded in a hallway outside the gym, and FOX 9 News spoke with two witnesses who said they never saw the boy throw a punch.

“It breaks your heart,” said Tara Falteysek, of Eagan. “I can’t imagine how that young boy feels, that dad would do that to him — and in front of friends.”

Witnesses said they were deeply disturbed by what happened, and Lakeville Police chief Tom Vonhof said he’s never seen anything like this in 30 years on the force.

Bat-Dad (I can only assume this guy is a belligerent, Minnesotan Bat-Dad) posted $10,000 bail over the weekend, and if convicted he faces up to 90 days in jail and a $3,000 fine. He also faces the very real danger of living the rest of his life with the kind of brain that makes you think headlocking and punching a middle-schooler in the mouth in front of his friends because his team lost a tournament game with literally zero consequences in regard to the rest of his life is a great idea.

Video of the report is below.

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This is all you need to know, really.

“The coach decided to put on a kid’s helmet, and so I was picked. It was me and two other kids were picked by the head coach. So, we had to go out there and try to tackle him,” said Alex Androsuk. “The coach has seen the video and said I was faking my injury.”

The injury Androsuk is faking happened when a grown-ass man in a middle school football helmet ran into a 13-year old as hard as he could and broke his collarbone. There’s a lot of laughing in the video, and in a better world this would happen at the end of a montage where the down-on-his-luck coach has finally learned to love his ragamuffin squad of ne’er-do-well tweens and they’re all rolling around on in the grass hugging because sports are great. In a worse world — the one we actually live in — there’s a cracking noise that should have it’s own comic book onomatopoeia and a kid who had to get emasculated before he went home and told his parents what happened. Parents don’t react well to this. They react like you’d think they might.

I feel like things wouldn’t be so bad if the stupid sports thing of “get up, you’re faking/milking it/[genderphobic slur]” had been replaced with something really easy to say, like, “I didn’t mean to do that” or “I’m sorry”, or even “hey everyone help me get this kid with a f**ked-up bone to the hospital because I made a bad decision”. Mistakes happen, right? You rough-house and sh*t happens. Then, somewhere shortly thereafter, decency comes into play. If that doesn’t work, this happens.

He’s now thinking about contacting a lawyer to look into this.

The way it’s phrased, it sounds like an upset parent wanting a middle school football coach to show ass. Here’s a quicker solution: from now on, everybody uses their brains.

13-year-old Grendon Bailie (not pictured) was dismissed earlier today from Tacoma’s Truman Middle School after he decided to wear a Pittsburgh Steelers jersey on what the school designated a Seattle Seahawks spirit day. The school carved out an exception from its usually-strict dress code for its students to wear Seahawks colors, and apparently someone forgot to tell this kid that those do not include black or gold.

Now the seventh-grader says he feels it was unfair for the school to single him out for punishment, simply because he and his family are Steelers fans and not Seahawks fans.

“Not everyone is a Seahawks fan — and if they got to wear their team stuff then I should, too,” Grendon said.

But the school district says Grendon and all other students were warned on Thursday that anyone who didn’t want to wear Seahawks colors should wear their normal school uniform, which is limited to certain styles and colors of clothing.

–Seattle P-I.

I can’t find fault with the kid wanted to stand up and wear his own gear in the face of all of that Seahawks fandom, even if it is really, really tacky. Nor do I blame the school for punishing him. The only ones at fault here are the kid’s parents. Seriously, what the hell kind of name is “Grendon?” Does he turn into a lizard if you feed him after midnight? I can’t wait to visit this kid in ten years when he’s living in a sewer and honing his ninjitsu. Actually, yes I can.