Hey, want to see a soccer player try to stick his entire arm up another player’s ass?

I’ve complained a lot lately about people interrupting soccer matches with explosives, but having watched this clip, I’d prefer that over the alternative. This is Saudi Premier League midfielder Modeste M’bami going elbow-deep on Khaled Al-Zaylai and getting away with it, and I guess the silver lining here is that he didn’t pull out with one of Al-Zaylai’s kidneys.

In the 50th minute of a match between M’bami’s Ittihad and Al Nassr, Al-Zaylai was tripped from behind and fell on the ball. Ex-Camerooon international M’bami was eager to get his opponent away from the ball, so as the ref blew his whistle for the foul, M’bami jammed his hand up Al-Zaylai’s backside as if he was trying to use the Saudi midfielder as a ventriloquist’s dummy. Though Al-Zaylai clearly didn’t appreciate this, he remained surprisingly calm and didn’t retaliate as play continued. (via Dirty Tackle)

So yeah, bring on the grenades. I don’t know what’s scarier … the chance that your opponent might Shawshank Redemption you if you fall down, or the fact that the refs won’t do anything to him for throwing a forearm in you. If a guy decides he wants to uppercut me in the upper intestines, I demand swift justice.

Additional Note: I think we use the Reasons To Hate Soccer” tag more than we use Kate Upton.

Kuwait’s Hussain Busheri committed a foul on Bahrain’s Mohammed Buallay during the 13th Gulf Cooperation Council Junior Basketball Championship, and the resulting six-ish minute brawl helped illustrate what I’ve been saying for years – Bahrainian basketball players are nothing but classless thugs.

Just kidding. But it is sort of disheartening to watch an entire team sprint around a basketball court to chase one guy, knock him down and stomp him to death. The guy trying to throw a jump kick circa the one minute mark is my favorite. Or maybe it’s the Kuwaiti guy who has to be restrained, and he’s so angry he takes off one of his shoes. Just one of them. Actually, I take that back, the one guy in the building who acted like a rational human being is my favorite.

Man, that Cooperation Council is doing a terrible job. To put things into perspective, this happened with about two minutes left in the game. I’m sorry, did that not provide perspective?

[h/t It's Always Sunny In Detroit]

The National Hockey League on Monday unveiled a “tender process” for international media rights to live hockey games to be sold throughout Europe and the hotter, star tropics of Africa and the Middle East. The league believes hockey is already making strides overseas, as 26% of NHL players come from outside of North America, and with regular season games and exhibitions being staged in Europe. The phrase “tender process” relates to there being no ice in the Middle East, and also all the machine guns and horror and death.

From the Hollywood Reporter, which is a surprisingly good source of pro hockey news:

The NHL said Evolution Media Capital will conduct an open auction for the foreign rights to live NHL games covering the 2011-12 through 2014-15 seasons.

The open bidding process will run from May 17 to June 8.

I remember my uncle going to fight in Desert Storm and bringing me back a Coke can with Arabic writing on the front. Maybe I should’ve asked him for a Mark Messier jersey. If the NHL wants to speed up the process, they should send the Washington Capitals to the Middle East, as they are intensely familiar with tragic bombings.

When guys in pajamas get into SUVs and start driving on sand dunes, that’s a recipe for magic. And the good people in this video after the jump did not disappoint. We have a little crash-bang-boom, and then one SUV rolls about 100 yards down the dune, not only jettisoning its occupants but also crushing them in spectacular fashion. I’m sure all of those people ran up to him and instead of offering him medical care, just started screaming, “Dude, that was awesome!” Look at all of those guys wearing white coats! You’d think one of them would be a doctor. Read the rest of this entry »

This video dates back to December of last year, but since we're all probably a little behind on our Asian basketball tournaments, let's look at the YouTube description:

A Kuwaiti basketball player hits the referee in the Asian Cup game after losing to Saudi [Arabia] in a game that should have been easy for them.

This just pisses me off.  Why are we hearing about basketball fights in the Middle East, but nothing about baseball fights or hockey fights?  It's racist, I'm telling you.  This is just another case of the media trying to reinforce the idea that Arabs are prone to violence.  And that's simply not true.

(Via Yardbarker)