Paul Davis, seen here about to be dunked on, is willing to get dunked on for money. Here's his description of the conversation with his pimp agent before a Gatorade commercial with Dwyane Wade:

"I got a call from my agent wondering if I wanted to do a commercial with [Wade] and I said, 'Yeah' " Davis said. "He said, 'The only thing is . . . you kind of, sort of, get dunked on.' " "I said, 'Well how much is it for?' And he told me and I said, 'I'll get dunked on for that.' "

Apparently, white centers who play for the Los Angeles Clippers liked to be dunked upon. If memory serves, Paul Davis matriculated at Michigan State, and maybe it's just coincidence, but I knew some lovely ladies at a fine gentlemen's club in East Lansing who would humiliate themselves for money. What did they do? Ah, ah – a gentleman (i.e. drunken Irishman who blacked-out) never tells. Anyway, they were working on their Communications degrees at MSU, so maybe Spartans Achaeans like to degrade themselves for financial compensation. Of course, the football and basketball teams will do it for free. Hi-Yo!  -KD 

Photo credit: Getty Images   

After Michigan's come from behind win against its intra-state rival last week, Wolverine running back Mike Hart had this to say:

Well, the clock in Madison reads zero now Mr. Hart, and your team was just beaten by the Wisconsin Badgers 37-21.  The Wolverines still have a chance to win the Big Ten title though if they can beat Ohio State next week.  Yes, that's right – a squad that lost to Appalachian St. can win a "major" conference.  Anyway, why don't Michigan and Wisconsin play for a trophy?  They could for the Upper Peninsula (of Michigan).  The loser would have to take ownership of that desolate region of inbreds.  Speaking of the UP and teams sinking like ships, please observe a moment of silence for the 29 souls who descended to the depths of Lake Superior 32 years ago today. -KD

I don't know if you remember this, but Michigan lost to Appalachian State the first week of the college football season this year.  It was a pretty big deal because the Wolverines were the highest-ranked team ever to lose to a Division I-AA opponent.  I'm sure there were a lot of people in East Lansing happy that day to see their in-state rival fall so low.  Well, Michigan State's basketball team lost to Grand Valley State 85-82 in double overtime last night.  What's that?  You've never heard of GVSU?  That's probably because you've never been to the G to the muthafuckin' Rap (Grand Rapids, MI).  You probably also never heard of it because the Lakers are a Division II school.  Did I mention that Michigan State is ranked #8 in the pre-season AP Top 25 poll and expected to win the Big Ten this season?  Two things I will never say again: "Those poll makers know sure know their business!" and "The Big Ten looks strong this year!" 

Astute readers will remember that I encouraged you to begin referring to MSU's football squad as the "Achaeans" after their loss to mighty Northwestern a month ago.  That recommendation  now applies to all their athletic teams, unless you live in Flint and don't want to get shot.  Well, shot for a reason.  -KD 

Remember last week when I telegrammed Norman, OK and Austin, TX to remind their football squads that they were in the Big 12 and not in the Big Ten, and thus were not allowed to lose to just any team.  I received many emails regarding the humor of that line that read something like "Good one, KD" or "You're funny for a Dutch-Irishman" (Note: No complimentary emails were actually received).  That wasn't a joke sexy readers, as the final tallies of the Middle West's 11-team conglomeration of fecal matter attests. 

First, Illinois defeated #5 Wisconsin.  And you thought you buried Chief Illiniwek at Wounded Knee.  Well you were wrong.  Really wrong.  And by 'you', I mean 'me'.  And by 'really wrong', I mean 'the Badgers will cover'.  Then lowly Northwestern bested mighty Michigan State.  Perhaps East Lansing's athletic squads should shed the Spartan nickname and adopt the name of that other tribe of Greeks that pussed out in The 300 – the Achaeans, I think?  Can #23 Purdue upset #4 Ohio State?  My pocketbook is strangely quiet on the subject. -KD