The new American Dream is all about getting famous for something awful or accidental, then milking it for the rest of your life. This is why Tay Zonday is doing Dr. Pepper commercials and the Octopus Mother is octo-boxing. Casey Anthony took a similar path — she (allegedly) tossed her three-year old out with the afternoon garbage and got away with it, so now everything she does and everything she wears is news and of great import. The Warren, Ohio, native is often photographed wearing Ohio State Buckeyes gear (most famously in a pre-baby murder photo shoot and most recently courtesy of TMZ), so much so that even Ohio State had to issue a statement about it:

“We are never surprised to see Buckeye pride displayed across the world. Buckeye hoodies and hats have traditionally been spotted across the world, and we understand that as a result, our logo will be seen in a wide range of news situations, whether positive or negative.”

Well, Ohio State might not care, but the state of Ohio has had enough. Its more reputable citizens (Columbus area radio disc jockeys) are taking a stand, offering to bribe Anthony to take off their school colors and making sure their stupid college football rivalries are the most important part. Via WNCI:

The Dave and Jimmy Show offered up to $10,000 to Anthony to take off the Ohio State University hat and wear Michigan attire.

Jimmy Jam believed the TMZ video showed her at the Old Navy store at the Lennox Town Center on Olentangy River Road. Store officials refused to comment, 10TV News reported.

And if you see Nancy Grace, tell her we said “Duh Huh,” she’ll know what you mean.

Good old Morning Zoo guys, you can always count on them to put things in the proper perspective. I guess with the Texas Longhorns V. Oklahoma Sooners rivalry evolving into knifefights, Ohio State/Michigan had to try and murder somebody. You can watch a video of the offer below or work from your own plans, which should be “don’t give Casey Anthony prizes for doing things”. I wonder why they disabled comments?

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A 13-year old Michigan boy has spent more than a week in a children’s hospital after he was forced to do push-ups as a punishment in lieu of detention. Donell Dixon attends the David Ellis Academy in Detroit, and he was recently reprimanded for running through the halls and slamming lockers closed. When he was offered the choice of detention or push-ups, Donell chose the latter and is now suffering from Rhabdomyolysis, or over-exertion of the muscles.

Dixon claims that he did 100 push-ups while school officials are claiming that he performed 3 sets of 20 with water breaks in between. Regardless, his mother has met with an attorney, but none of the reports are very clear as to whether or not she’s pursuing legal action. My guess is that she will, seeing as her son has spent a week in a hospital peeing blood with a serious kidney ailment. But according to WXYZ ABC news in Michigan, both his mother and the school are praying for his full recovery, as they should.

News report including an interview with his mother after the jump, and I’m throwing this question out there – Are push-ups, or exercise and physical exertion in general, an acceptable form of discipline in schools when administered and monitored by a school official?

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Michigan appparently hates people. It’s bad enough that they mismanaged their flagship industry gave way with the rest of the economy. But since this is Michigan, they somehow managed to pass a law that makes participating in any March Madness bracket illegal, punishable by a $1000 fine and up to 12 months in jail.

“It is illegal in Michigan to exchange money based on an event with an undetermined outcome,” said John Sellek, the Michigan Attorney General’s communication director. “But this office has not received a complaint on what are traditionally known as March Madness activities.”

Most companies don’t have a formal policy about office gambling, according to a January 2010 survey by the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM). The human resources professionals surveyed said employees were most likely to organize pools for the Super Bowl and the NCAA basketball tourney, but also used pools to bet on when a coworker was likely to give birth and the newborn’s weight and height. –FreeP, via Darren Rovell.

Oh, so they have a law, but they don’t enforce it. And that’s somehow better? At least the people running the government in Michigan still have jobs. They’d be doing well to get this silly statute off the books. And legalize prostitution. I still haven’t met a problem that a professional-grade beej can’t solve.

We’ve already made a case for Andy Reid, who couldn’t manage a clock if it was jammed into a serving of chicken marsala. But here are four other coaches, college and pro, who have come up short in their respective 2009 campaigns.

Eric Mangini, Cleveland Browns. Some people can step into a new organization and sling their dick anywhere they want, because as long as the team wins, they’re cool. But unlike Josh McDaniels in Denver–who was taking over an underperforming playoff-caliber team, Mangini hasn’t delivered the results that were expected from such dickery, and he’s likely to be a one-and-done coach as the Browns seem to be heading backward. Again.

2009 Wins: One, a 6-3 puntfest against Buffalo. And Buffalo sucks.

Charlie Weis, Notre Dame. The man who brought “FUPA” into the blogger lexicon, Weis might be the only coach in America with a signature loss, the Bush Push game in 2005. Weis was expected to have a chance to run the table in 2009, but he’s already lost three games (including losing to Navy at home on Saturday) with three to play.

2009 Wins: Six, with only two (Nevada, Washington State) by more than seven points.

Rich Rodriguez, Michigan. Charlie Weis with about half the calories. This is the only guy that would leave the Maize-and-Blue faithful pining for the days of Lloyd Carr. DickRod and Michigan seem to fit like OJ Simpson and those gloves, but with all the money they’re paying that guy, one might expect for this divorce to be even bloodier.

2009 Wins: Five, with all but one (Indiana) against non-conference teams, including a 63-6 drubbing of Delaware State. Awesome.

ASYLUM POLL: Who’s the worst coach in all of football today?

Here’s some high school football hijinks for you: John Glenn (the Michigan high school, not the aging former Senator and astronaut) has a field goal blocked as time expires, and of course Central Plymouth is jubilant. But guess what, hoseheads: that ball didn’t cross the line of scrimmage, so it’s live. Run! Yes you with the ball! Scamper half-assedly into the endzone and savor victory! As for you, Plymouth, we have a wonderful consolation prize: a copy of the high school football rulebook. Read it sometime. via. Thanks, John.