Here’s the deal, folks – before you get all riled up and excuse me of being a liberal blogger just looking to jump on the “Everybody make fun of Mitt Romney!” train, know that I’m a huge fan of capitalism but I also hate every single politician on this planet equally. However, that doesn’t mean this isn’t an excuse to bag on Romney, because when I saw the above image posted at The Superficial yesterday, I told my fellow Female Body Inspectors over there that I couldn’t wait to fire up the Ol’ Photoshops on it.

And then I thought, “No. That’s no fun at all.”

We’ve got a perfectly good Olympics underway with hundreds of pictures flying all over the place daily, and I also have a box full of With Leather t-shirts that need homes so I can order the new design and my C-Tates shirts. I simply cannot have clutter in my bitchin’ party house. So we’re going to play a game and I’m giving out a bunch of t-shirts.

The first game is to answer the question: “What the heck is Mitt Romney looking at?” What’s causing him to grin that evil grin at the Olympics? Also, what’s making Ann Romney so uneasy? Post your picture responses in the comments. (HINT: I saw one picture yesterday from the Olympics that will automatically win one shirt.) And then join me after the jump for the second game.

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The U.S. Men’s Basketball Team handily defeated France yesterday or the day before or whenever the hell NBC taped it, as Kevin Durant and LeBron James made it look way too easy in a 98-71 victory. France’s bottle-popping point guard Tony Parker led us to believe that his team of baguette-bangers would give the Americans a headache, but with James playing in another universe right now, that doesn’t seem quite possible.

Unfortunately, instead of focusing on simply how well this team is playing – despite a few flaws that shouldn’t really factor into a gold medal victory – we’re still doing it. We’re still having this stupid ass conversation. Could James and the 2012 USA team defeat the 1992 Dream Team that featured the NBA’s greatest legends? The answer is no. Not because the Dream Team was better, but because we cannot manipulate time to get these two teams on the same court at the same time.

But that’s a fact, and facts are stupid when it comes to printing lazy journalism – like, say, suggesting that Michael Phelps used steroids. Hey LeBron, why don’t you tell us about your focus and intensity and how they relate to you being able to throw a missile bounce pass across the court for a perfect assist? Haha, just kidding. Give us some forced rhetoric instead.

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"Come on, hail to the chief, boo."

After trailing by as many as 10 points to Team Brazil, the U.S. Men’s Olympic Basketball Team had plenty of people laughing at that whole Dream Team debate last night. But Kobe Bryant LeBron James and Co. got the last laugh, as they pulled off an 80-69 victory, sending the Brazilians home to their stupid beaches and ridiculously sexy women. Ha, losers.

So with the win in the books and basketball disaster averted, the nation’s focus on the actual big loser of the night – President Barack Obama, who was booed by the crowd at the Verizon Center in Washington, DC after he and the First Lady failed to smooch it up when the Kiss Cam was pointed at them early in the game. Only after another Kiss Cam attempt in the 4th quarter did Barry-O finally give his lady some sugar, but to many people, it was simply too late.

Look, I know that some people think the Kiss Cam needs to disappear, but I’m an advocate of this tradition that dates back to the 1700s. I’m also here to defend the Obamas, because as With Leather’s Official Presidential Sporting Event Attendance Authority, I know that they’re hardly the first First Couple to ever muff the Kiss Cam opportunity, as evidenced by this collection of awkward moments that I have put together.

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The good news is that not every child born in Romania is destined to live the horror of those orphans that we’ve heard about for so long. The bad news is that the kids with families are being put into strict training programs that allow them to grow up as super children with giant muscles and major ass-kicking abilities. At least that’s the case for brothers Guiliano and Claudiu Stroe, who might possibly be the strongest 7- and 5-year old boys in the world, respectively.

While a lot of people might not be too keen on beefing up their toddlers, I can only imagine that somewhere Michelle Obama is scratching her chin and trying to determine a way to pump steroids into the cardboard that is chopped up before becoming cafeteria lunch meat. Better yet, don’t be surprised if Michelle and Snooki are spotting hanging out, as The Jersey Shore star’s pregnancy news could unlock the secret to producing juiced up Guido babies.

America cannot fall behind, damn it!

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As I pointed out last week, President Barack Obama just loves having sports champions visit him at the White House, so it came as no surprise when the St. Louis Cardinals popped in yesterday to be honored for winning the 2011 World Series. As he does with all of his champion guests, Obama praised the Cardinals for a variety of reasons, but most notably he called them the greatest comeback team in baseball history. Then I giggled and ordered the Cardinals World Series DVD on Amazon.

But the real talk of yesterday’s visit was the people who were missing from this celebration, including the Cardinals’ former manager Tony LaRussa and Albert Pujols, who said that he wouldn’t leave the Cardinals over a difference of a few million dollars a year but then left the Cardinals over a difference of a few million dollars a year. Also missing were Gold Glove catcher Yadier Molina and pitcher Adam Wainwright, who can do whatever they please, as well as error machine Ryan Theriot, who is no longer a Cardinal and can therefore go take a poop on the moon.

After the jump you can watch the highlights of Obama’s brilliant speech about how the Cardinals are the greatest team in the history of sports and how Pujols is the devil and will be locked up for the rest of his life at Guantanamo Bay (at least that’s what I took away from it) or you can watch the whole thing here. Either way, at least check out Barry O-Bomb’s hilarious domestic violence joke, because we should all laugh at women beating their husbands with bats.

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Down by 3 points to Carl Edwards in the Sprint Cup Series standings, Tony Stewart won the Ford 400 – the final race of the Chase – yesterday to tie Edwards, marking the first time in NASCAR history that the season ended at a draw. Fortunately for Stewart, he had 5 wins on the season to Edwards’ 1, which means that Smoke is the 2011 Sprint Cup Champion. And that’s awesome for Stewart and his fans, especially how he won in dramatic fashion after sucking for a good chunk of the year, but nobody cares about that today.

The other, much more scandalous story out of the Homestead-Miami Speedway is that First Lady Michelle Obama and Vice President Joe Biden’s wife, Jill, hosted a barbecue for some military service members and their families before the race, and that’s awesome because I love anything that honors our soldiers and shows them some appreciation, whether it be some ribs and burgers at the racetrack or slow grinding against Mila Kunis.

So of course when Michelle and Jill – we’re cool like that – were introduced to the crowd before the race, they were booed. YOU GOT YER POLATICKS IN MAH VROOM VROOMS!

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