Giants defensive end Michael Strahan did something really nice by putting himself up for sale as a date at a charity auction.  But everyone's favorite divorcé / author couldn't catch a break.

He hoped to get a date with a lady, but the male sports fans in the crowd weren't having it. Two guys outbid 13 gals, leaving Strahan to agree to take both men to dinner for the price of $10,000 each. The dough will go to the Institute for Civic Leadership, a nonprofit educational organization.

I hope those men are just rabid Giants fans.  Because I'm pretty sure $10,000 can get a gay dude a better-looking piece of beef.  Or, y'know, at least Eli Manning.

NOTE: 289 sends his apologizes for the lackluster Photoshop effort.  He seemed a little shaken after doing a Google image search for "male escort."

As sexily-named reader Matt pointed out to me, NASCAR fans presently have the opportunity to vote on the "celebrity artwork" that they want to appear on the 2008 Daytona tickets, and I'd like to take the opportunity to throw my support behind the masterpiece shown here, drawn by the able hand of the Cleveland Browns' new quarterback, Brady Quinn.  Just look at the way he stayed inside the lines.  You can't teach that.

Or if you're not feeling Quinn's magic, Michael Strahan's thumbnailed image below is a masterpiece of American art.  For a three-year-old.  What the fuck is that, an amoeba on wheels?  F

Michael Strahan has a tell-all book about his NFL experience that will be released in August, and Page Six has a disturbing excerpt today: 

"You want to be an NFL star? [Editor's note: Yeah, kinda.] You want to stand in my shoes?," the Giants' defensive end writes in "Inside the Helmet," out this August from Gotham Books. "Let's say one day I came to you and offered you a million dollars to let me take a huge hunting knife and wear down the blade until it was rusty and really dull. Then, when it's really dull and nasty, I would stick it into a pit of burning coals until the blade was white-hot. Finally, I would pull that sucker out of the flames and stab you over and over and over again. Take that blade and stab you in the ankles, your feet and your wrists. Not just stick it in but turn that rusty old knife and twist it when it's sunk deep into your knees or shoulders… That is the reality of my NFL."

Um.  Wow.  Rage issues much?  Anyone else think he might have written this in the middle of his divorce?

Full disclosure: Strahan and I are both represented by the same literary agent.  Not that that really matters until I finish my goddam book proposal, but whatever.  You should definitely buy Strahan's book when it comes out.

Michael Strahan's ex-wife Jean continues to be an absolutely terrible human being, selling off her husband's former belongings on the cheap at a garage sale held at her (formerly their) $3.6 million mansion.

Diehard Giants fan and Montclair resident Jamal Callaway walked away with two televisions, with 32- and 20-inch screens, for $100.  "I get to cheer for Mike on his TV," Callaway told The Star-Ledger of Newark.  When asked if the televisions were flat screens, he replied: "She's not that mad at him."

The hell she isn't.  Another one of the items for sale was a "a set of cassette tapes on how to make relationships succeed."  Seriously.  What kind of demon hell-spawn is this woman?  That's something she included just to make news stories.

At least, I hope so.  Because those videos are obviously only good for a prank when you want people to break up.  I'd rather buy a "Build a Championship NBA Team" video from Kevin McHale.  Or take drug lessons from Pete Doherty.  Those are more likely methods of success.

Listen, I know that Michael Strahan was the genius who signed a crippling pre-nuptial agreement then cheated on his wife.  But I have to think that he's happier without the queen of the idiot harpies shackled to him.  Because, having already bled him for most of what he owns, Jean Strahan is now asking her ex-husband for more money.

She once enjoyed a life of riches, spending more than $500,000 on "lifestyle expenses," another $27,000 to dress her infant twins and another $22,500 to photograph them in their snazzy wardrobe one year. Now, according to court papers, Jean Strahan is just another single mother struggling to hold onto her $3.6 million Montclair mansion and pay her $4,700 utility bills…

Strahan… does not want the Cadillac Escalade that [Michael] leased for her, sticking her with the $972 monthly payments. Instead, she said she is willing to drive a Ford. During the divorce trial, she testified she needed two cars, preferably a Range Rover or Audi A6…

Strahan was counting on receiving $525,000 annually, thanks to the $15 million divorce settlement she was awarded in January. Half of the money has already been paid. The other half, however, has been temporarily frozen by the Superior Court Appellate Division while it considers an appeal… The house is so costly, she asked her former husband in a letter between attorneys if he would be interested in buying it.

My gosh this woman is a saint.  If Mother Teresa and Gandhi had a child, it would be Jean Strahan.  The woman lives in abject poverty.  She's willing to drive a Ford, people. They make those in America. Gross!  And yet despite this, she still can only think about the welfare of others.  Wait, "yourself" doesn't count as others?  Oh.

(HT: FanHaus. Pictured: Michael with David Wells and David Bryan of Bon Jovi. Unifying characteristic: well past their prime.) 

With the news that one of the NFL's games will be played in London next season, football fans everywhere are up in arms over the various ramifications about the decision. Well, I guess not football fans everywhere. I imagine football fans in London are pretty happy about it.

Dave's Football Blog took the lead on this back in November, suggesting that Twickenham Stadium, the ancestral home of Rugby Union, should host the game, as it would appeal to a more fitting fan base than Wembley Stadium, which generally plays host to soccer matches and Queen concerts. Naturally, Wembley got the nod over Twick.

Meanwhile, my degenerate buddies over at Kissing Suzy Kolber are more concerned with which Simpsons episodes best represent negative stereotypes of Brits, and the consensus is that not only do the Giants deserve a home game stolen from them after last year's "away" game at Giants Stadium, but that Michael Strahan is an excellent candidate for the Big Book of British Smiles. ("Dental plan!" "Lisa needs braces!" "Dental plan!" "Lisa needs braces!")

But it's not all bad news for American NFL fans. NBX blog claims that this is a perfect opportunity for a road trip, since the lack of British interest guarantees cheap, available tickets… and sports betting is totally legal there! Hooray, gambling!

Also: cricket is stupid. I know that doesn't have anything to do with the NFL, but it just feels good to get off my chest. I fucking hate that sport.