Olympic swimmer and noted marijuana connoisseur Michael Phelps crashed his SUV in Baltimore yesterday. A woman drove through a red light and collided with Phelps’ black Cadillac Escalade last night, around 9 pm. Police have apparently cleared Phelps of any fault in the accident.

It was not clear whether the woman, whom police have not named, would be charged with any traffic offenses. She suffered minor injuries and was treated and released from Maryland Shock Trauma Center. Phelps and his two passengers were not hurt, police said. via.

Police described Phelps’ state after the crash as “coherent” and did not give him a Breathalyzer test. Wow, I guess we’re just presuming that Phelps is either drunk or high every time he leaves the house now. The woman, by the way, was driving a Honda Accord, which is about as good a match for the Escalade as you’d expect–she was admitted to the hospital with neck and arm injuries. I smell lawsuit! Wait, no, I think that’s actually pot. Read the rest of this entry »

UPDATE: WL Reader Richie found what looks like Theresa White’s MySpace page, who had this status message: “Theresa is MIA [until] further notice. Sorry to anyone I have disappointed…I really am sorry.” I’m not totally sold; the picture doesn’t look like the one at NOTW. Still, great find, Richie.

The typically-reliable New York Post is reporting that Controversial swimming champ Michael Phelps was involved in a romp with a couple of strippers over the weekend. (the capital C is more for being “corporate controversial,” not actually controversial). I guess he looked hungry and they offered to make him a sandwich:

“The sex lasted for about three hours,” Baltimore stripper Theresa White told Britain’s News of the World (NSFW). “Michael should get another Olympic gold for marathon love-making!” [That quote couldn't have been any campier if it was read in the middle of an Old Navy commercial --Ed.]

White, 25, claims Phelps invited her and some of her lap-dancing pals to his apartment, and that’s where the action allegedly took a kinky turn after two hours of drinking. White said she approached Phelps for a three-way: “He told me he’d never had one before but said it would be with me and then pointed at another girl.

Good for him. This just illustrates the kind of champion he is, although I hope he wasn’t charged at an hourly rate. Oh, come on, you think these girls did him for free?! There’s no shame in paying for sex…unless it’s with a stripper from Baltimore. Bargain bin ass doesn’t impress anyone.

The Michael Phelps Party Bus is back into high gear. This time the kid that won eight gold medals in Beijing was spotted in Marquee, which I guess is one of those New York City bars where they make people wait outside for a while so the place looks important. From the NY Daily News:

“Michael was definitely having a good time,” an eyewitness tells us. “He was drinking straight from a bottle of Grey Goose, and when the deejay started playing M.I.A.’s ‘Paper Planes,’ he got up, started dancing like a loon and kept on yelling, ‘Shots!’”

Phelps also bought four bottles of vodka and made out with his girlfriend. In other words, he acted like a 23-year-old that actually has money. I hope he steals a monster truck and runs over a Greyhound bus full of hookers because I’m getting annoyed with these “Oooh, Michael Phelps drank a swill of alcohol! Now he’ll never be ready for the Olympics in three years!” Whatever.

Swimming is so boring between Olympics (Olympii?) that the best drug scandal that anyone could come up with was Michael Phelps smoking pot in front of a cell phone camera. But the fallout from that image has been unreal. Keep in mind that this is all happening in South Carolina, where reality and perspective–things you and I take for granted–do not exist.

We’ve now learned that since investigators began trying to build a case, they’ve made eight arrests: seven for drug possession and one for distribution. These are arrests that resulted as the sheriff’s department served search warrants.

We’ve also learned that the department has located and confiscated that bong. Sources say the owner of the bong was trying to sell it on eBay for as much as $100,000.

The owner, who wasn’t even at the party, is one of the eight now charged.

So far, Phelps has not been charged. But I hope that Richland County’s finest take care of that bong. That’s the most valuable piece of swimming memorabilia ever. Of course, two or three of them probably have already jizzed in it. Life as a cop is pretty boring when there’s no one on the street to bludgeon.

[WIS, via TMZ]

“Saturday Night Live” got all up in the sports business this weekend, weighing in with some solid material on the Michael Phelps bong drama (above) and James Harrison’s 100-yard pick-six in the Super Bowl (below).

The “Really?” segment on Phelps is pretty good, although it makes me miss Amy Poehler. The real surprise here is Kenan Thompson as James Harrison. I say “surprise” because it’s probably the first time I’ve ever found Kenan Thompson even remotely funny. But that’s just because I have impeccable comedic taste. Oh, and I’m racist.

Read the rest of this entry »

The whole “backlash” from the “ordeal” of Michael Phelps’ being photographed with a bong has the 14-time Olympic gold medalist wondering aloud if his days in the public eye might be over. Phelps told The Baltimore Sun that he’s even considering staying out of the pool for the London Olympics in 2012.

“This is a decision of mine that I’m not going to make today and I’m not going to make tomorrow,” Phelps said. “It’s going to require a lot of time and energy and a lot of thinking for myself – but also talking to [coach] Bob [Bowman] and talking to my family and just deciding what I want to do.

“Yeah, there are still goals that I have in the pool, 100 percent. But I’m not going to let anything stand in my way. If I decide to walk away, I’ll decide to walk away on my own terms. If it’s now, if it’s four years, who knows. But it is something I need to think about and decide what I want to do.”

Uhhh, let’s do the math here, Mister Ed. You still want watch and cell phone endorsements? You still want to be treated like royalty everywhere you go? You still want free pot? Then you get your ass back in that pool. Because you’re just another guy in purple camo pants otherwise. You can retire when you’re, you know, 27. Retired at 27? God, I hate you Michael Phelps. Can you get me a free watch?

[Game On, via FanIQ]