Earlier this month, Shane Battier of the Miami Heat uploaded a video of himself dressed like a ship’s captain, singing the theme to ‘The Love Boat.’ It was the worst THE BEST, advertised his second annual “South Beach Battioke” celebrity karaoke event, and allowed me to make a joke about LeBron James singing Pretty Ricky. As it turns out … I wasn’t that far off.
Behold, South Beach Battioke 2 (RETALIATION~) featuring LeBron James and Dwyane Wade serenading a “lucky fan” with the Gabrielle/East 17 classic ‘If You Ever.’ The clip starts kicking your ass right away with LeBron’s hip-gyrating take on Michael Jackson’s ‘Rock With You,’ then moves right into the LBJ/Wade ‘The Boy Is Mine’-style seduction.
I do not see anybody singing TV theme songs, but the clip is only 7 minutes long, so I’ll assume Mike Miller spent the next hour rocking out to The Rembrandts.
Here’s a compilation of Christmas trick shots from some guys at Concordia College. It has nothing to do with Christmas (it has more to do with AMERICA … see the inset photo) but they put the Jackson 5 version of ‘Santa Claus Is Coming To Town’ over it, so … uh, Christmas trick shots. (via Bob’s Blitz)
After trailing by as many as 10 points to Team Brazil, the U.S. Men’s Olympic Basketball Team had plenty of people laughing at that whole Dream Team debate last night. But Kobe Bryant LeBron James and Co. got the last laugh, as they pulled off an 80-69 victory, sending the Brazilians home to their stupid beaches and ridiculously sexy women. Ha, losers.
So with the win in the books and basketball disaster averted, the nation’s focus on the actual big loser of the night – President Barack Obama, who was booed by the crowd at the Verizon Center in Washington, DC after he and the First Lady failed to smooch it up when the Kiss Cam was pointed at them early in the game. Only after another Kiss Cam attempt in the 4th quarter did Barry-O finally give his lady some sugar, but to many people, it was simply too late.
Look, I know that some people think the Kiss Cam needs to disappear, but I’m an advocate of this tradition that dates back to the 1700s. I’m also here to defend the Obamas, because as With Leather’s Official Presidential Sporting Event Attendance Authority, I know that they’re hardly the first First Couple to ever muff the Kiss Cam opportunity, as evidenced by this collection of awkward moments that I have put together.
UFC’s Middleweight Champion and longest reigning champion Anderson Silva is on the cover of Rolling Stone Brazil, and Rolling Stone’s only two ideas for photos are “take off your clothes” and “do something stupid”. Thankfully Anderson Silva is awesome and could make either of those great, and since he’s already taken off his clothes, here’s him doing something stupid.
Silva wears two different Michael Jackson outfits — Thriller era Jackson with his red leather coat of zippers and post-Moonwalker Smooth Criminal-ish fedora-and-kneesocks Jackson. He really goes for it, too, doing a solid job of spinning and kicking and fey hand gesturing and yelling. You can check out the video below, before Chael Sonnen’s head explodes and blood gets all over it:
Yes, The Karate Kid Turned 50, You’re Old - Someone should make a prequel to the sequel that uses the same actors (and a CGI Pat Morita) to explain what happened between when Daniel won his trophy and that “live or die” stuff that went on in the parking lot. [Film Drunk]
‘Women Struggling To Drink Water’ Is The New ‘Women Laughing Alone With Salad’ - Further proof that we are pretty f**ked as a society, unless this is some sort of Mel Brooks tribute. [UPROXX]
A Compendium of Cool Comics Cosplay: November 4th - Women in meticulously put-together Gamora costumes #cangetit [Gamma Squad]
PoV: Michael Jackson, The Crip - Study question: If the Internet and Twitter had been around when Michael Jackson released ‘Off The Wall’, would he have been able to survive it? Imagine if Bieber released a Justin Timberlake album today. [Smoking Section]
Louis C.K. Tells Conan That He’ll Sell His Next Comedy Special Online For $5 Via Paypal - I still feel weird whenever I see people refer to Louis as “white people” comedy, or say that you could only get it if you’re white. I feel like that’s the worst condemnation ever. Jeff Dunham is white people comedy, Louis C.K. is just a funny guy who is great at speaking. [UPROXX]
More Bill Murray Fan Art From Last Night’s “Please Post Bills” Exhibit - Needs more The Razor’s Edge and Cradle Will Rock related art. Dude was in more than Ghostbusters, people. [UPROXX]
“What Is a Threesome?” - “Something that makes your crazy girlfriend crazier and eventually ruins everything, but is super, super fun”, Alex. [Warming Glow]
The World’s Fastest Computer is Japanese, Kinda Scary - Like that guy in Kenya, but with magical powers. [Gamma Squad]
10 Nifty Google Easter Eggs That Will Amuse You - I don’t know why the “do a barrel roll” gag made me so happy, but it did. I’m going to give up blogging and just play Star Fox for a living. [Buzzfeed]
Adult Swim’s Internet Treasures - Hopefully “the JenniCam archives, complete with video of that time she had sex with her Chewbacca-ass boyfriend on cam” show up in here somewhere. I can’t be the only person googling for that every month, can I? [Adult Swim]
Kittens Take Over Classic Rock Album Covers - Yes, Internet, you’ll like this. [Popcrush]
Tim Burton Wanted Ray Liotta To Play Batman - He should’ve gotten Liotta to be Batman and Kevin Costner to be The Joker, then had Liotta throw batarangs right-handed and pissed everybody off. [FARK]
Taylor Lautner’s Senior Quote - This is a joke, but if the real one was anything less vague than “believe in yourself” I’ll sit down and watch all 15 Twilight movies right now. [High Definite]
The way he says “Mighty God” makes it sound like an infomercial. And yeah, none of those things you’re talking about have anything to do with how f**king nature works.
Kirk Cameron Threw Himself The Most Depressing Birthday Party Ever (With Amazing Comments) - Show me that smile again. Don’t waste another minute on your crying, or on trying to explain to me how bananas are evidence that God exists. [UPROXX]
Michael F. Assbender’s Hard Drive Is Filthy - So are his teeth. Didn’t he break his girlfriend’s nose? We should probably stop liking him so much. [Film Drunk]
Billy Corgan, Professional Wrestling Mogul - Man, if I’d known we could write about independent wrestling news I would’ve reported this six months ago. Anybody want updates on Honkey Kong in River City Wrestling? No? [UPROXX]
Drake Feat. Nicki Minaj – “Make Me Proud” - You know what would make me proud? Nicki being able to get through a line without using a computer to give her the proper amount of syllables. [Smoking Section]
Jedi Turtles: Need I Say More? - Sure, a little context would be nice. [Gamma Squad]
Lady Gaga Drops F-Bomb In Front Of President Clinton - Come on, Clinton’s vegan and hooks up with chubby girls, you know he says the f-word on the reg. [Buzzfeed]
The 23 Best ‘Simpsons’ Musician Cameos - “My image!” [AOL TV]
8 Things We Learned at ‘The Avengers’ Panel at New York Comic Con - One thing I’ll learn from the upcoming Wizard World Austin: Comic book conventions are a rip-off, and I shouldn’t have to give Melina 20 bucks to take my picture with her. [Moviefone]
Squidbillies Jack-O-Lantern Stencils - Don’t use stencils, America, freehand that sh*t. [Adult Swim]
Michael Jackson’s Neck During Moonwalk Cannot Be Unseen - Finally, something horrifying about Michael Jackson. [The Daily What]