Nothing’s ever gonna keep ‘em down.

Links

Yes, The Karate Kid Turned 50, You’re Old - Someone should make a prequel to the sequel that uses the same actors (and a CGI Pat Morita) to explain what happened between when Daniel won his trophy and that “live or die” stuff that went on in the parking lot. [Film Drunk]

‘Women Struggling To Drink Water’ Is The New ‘Women Laughing Alone With Salad’ - Further proof that we are pretty f**ked as a society, unless this is some sort of Mel Brooks tribute. [UPROXX]

A Compendium of Cool Comics Cosplay: November 4th - Women in meticulously put-together Gamora costumes #cangetit [Gamma Squad]

PoV: Michael Jackson, The Crip - Study question: If the Internet and Twitter had been around when Michael Jackson released ‘Off The Wall’, would he have been able to survive it? Imagine if Bieber released a Justin Timberlake album today. [Smoking Section]

Louis C.K. Tells Conan That He’ll Sell His Next Comedy Special Online For $5 Via Paypal - I still feel weird whenever I see people refer to Louis as “white people” comedy, or say that you could only get it if you’re white. I feel like that’s the worst condemnation ever. Jeff Dunham is white people comedy, Louis C.K. is just a funny guy who is great at speaking. [UPROXX]

More Bill Murray Fan Art From Last Night’s “Please Post Bills” Exhibit - Needs more The Razor’s Edge and Cradle Will Rock related art. Dude was in more than Ghostbusters, people. [UPROXX]

“What Is a Threesome?” - “Something that makes your crazy girlfriend crazier and eventually ruins everything, but is super, super fun”, Alex. [Warming Glow]

The World’s Fastest Computer is Japanese, Kinda Scary - Like that guy in Kenya, but with magical powers. [Gamma Squad]

10 Nifty Google Easter Eggs That Will Amuse You - I don’t know why the “do a barrel roll” gag made me so happy, but it did. I’m going to give up blogging and just play Star Fox for a living. [Buzzfeed]

Adult Swim’s Internet Treasures - Hopefully “the JenniCam archives, complete with video of that time she had sex with her Chewbacca-ass boyfriend on cam” show up in here somewhere. I can’t be the only person googling for that every month, can I? [Adult Swim]

Kittens Take Over Classic Rock Album Covers - Yes, Internet, you’ll like this. [Popcrush]

Tim Burton Wanted Ray Liotta To Play Batman - He should’ve gotten Liotta to be Batman and Kevin Costner to be The Joker, then had Liotta throw batarangs right-handed and pissed everybody off. [FARK]

Taylor Lautner’s Senior Quote - This is a joke, but if the real one was anything less vague than “believe in yourself” I’ll sit down and watch all 15 Twilight movies right now. [High Definite]

The way he says “Mighty God” makes it sound like an infomercial. And yeah, none of those things you’re talking about have anything to do with how f**king nature works.

Links

Kirk Cameron Threw Himself The Most Depressing Birthday Party Ever (With Amazing Comments) - Show me that smile again. Don’t waste another minute on your crying, or on trying to explain to me how bananas are evidence that God exists. [UPROXX]

‘Community’ Just Blew My Mind - Unfortunately Dan Harmon has come out and said the episode isn’t as good as we think it is, so uh … thanks for helping us not enjoy your show as much, I guess? [Warming Glow]

Michael F. Assbender’s Hard Drive Is Filthy - So are his teeth. Didn’t he break his girlfriend’s nose? We should probably stop liking him so much. [Film Drunk]

Billy Corgan, Professional Wrestling Mogul - Man, if I’d known we could write about independent wrestling news I would’ve reported this six months ago. Anybody want updates on Honkey Kong in River City Wrestling? No? [UPROXX]

Drake Feat. Nicki Minaj – “Make Me Proud” - You know what would make me proud? Nicki being able to get through a line without using a computer to give her the proper amount of syllables. [Smoking Section]

Jedi Turtles: Need I Say More? - Sure, a little context would be nice. [Gamma Squad]

Lady Gaga Drops F-Bomb In Front Of President Clinton - Come on, Clinton’s vegan and hooks up with chubby girls, you know he says the f-word on the reg. [Buzzfeed]

The 23 Best ‘Simpsons’ Musician Cameos - “My image!” [AOL TV]

8 Things We Learned at ‘The Avengers’ Panel at New York Comic Con - One thing I’ll learn from the upcoming Wizard World Austin: Comic book conventions are a rip-off, and I shouldn’t have to give Melina 20 bucks to take my picture with her. [Moviefone]

Squidbillies Jack-O-Lantern Stencils - Don’t use stencils, America, freehand that sh*t. [Adult Swim]

Michael Jackson’s Neck During Moonwalk Cannot Be Unseen - Finally, something horrifying about Michael Jackson. [The Daily What]

Another day, another story about Justin Bieber, the world’s Sexiest Teenage Man, shoehorning himself into the world of sports because he’s rich and popular enough to do anything he wants. The latest incident comes from one of The Beeb’s concerts, and if your ears can get through the throng of screaming adolescents you’ll see Anderson Silva celebrating his defense of the middleweight title at UFC 134 in Rio de Janeiro by doing a synchronized “The Shuffle” onstage for the enjoyment of 40,000 screaming Brazilian 12-year olds.

At no point did Silva counterstrike Bieber’s dancing with a Muay Thai knee to the face, but it’s worth watching anyway, and is at least a step or two up from wanting to put your junk in a cheeseburger.

Take a look, courtesy of our friends at Cagewriter:

Read the rest of this entry »

This post is not sports-related. Guess who doesn’t care. No, really. Guess.

So Michael Jackson is FINALLY starting to fall out of Trending Topics on twitter and I still haven’t seen the only tribute to Michael that I’ve been waiting to see. And I’m talking about the collab that wasn’t with Michael Jordan: this 1993 video of Jackson singing with…yep, that’s Eddie Murphy, singing “Whatz Up Wit U.” This could only have happened in the 90s; bear in mind this is before anyone had text messaging capability. Well, Michael probably had it by then. That guy had so much money that he probably had two of everything. Can you text with a chimp?

We never find out if the elephant died…Certainly this is more fitting that Murphy’s other “tribute” to Jackson ten years earlier. I guess Jacko was just Eddie’s type of guy. Read the rest of this entry »

Bengals wideout and end zone choreographer Chad Ochocinco compared the recent deaths of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett to 9/11, a claim so ridiculous that one could only assume that he was probably being honest. From his Twitter feed:

Okay, first Mrs. Fawcett now Mr. Jackson, please tell me that this is a mistaken rumor, if not this is just as sad as 9/11

KSK points out that Ocho later recanted:

The 9/11 was a bit over the top, i am just in an emotional state right now, bare with me while i regroup people, be back in 10 minutes

He then spent the rest of his evening listening to a Michael Jackson CD and irritating his neighbors, probably the only thing Chad will do with 100 percent effort this year. Yep, this is pretty much what we’re passing off as news this offseason. It’s probably time for the NFL to start playing year-round.

Arguably the greatest piece of child molestation memorabilia is going up for auction in April. Pop sensation Michael Jackson might be feeling the pinch of these trying economic times, as he’s announced that he’ll be selling off various crap from the molestation Mecca known as Neverland Ranch. From Press Association [emphasis added]:

Personal belongings, costumes, furniture and art are among the items going under the hammer at Los Angeles’ Beverly Hilton hotel in April.

A signed oil-painting of Jackson dressed as a king, valued between £2,800 and £4,200 is being offered for sale, alongside a golf cart featuring the singer depicted as Peter Pan, expected to fetch up to £4,200 [almost $6,000].

“Hey. Kid. Wanna head upstairs into my bed? I have candy in there. No? What if we take my golf cart? See, it has a picture of me dressed as Peter Pan. Sure, you can drive. If you take your pants off. Say, kid. You like The Beatles?”

[via Local Knowledge]