Somebody make “Sh*t Tim Tebow Says”!

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Links

UPROXX Discussion: The Best And Worst Rap Beefs Of All-Time - The best part is the link back to Danger Guerrero’s Tina Fey article where he gets all indignant about local convenience stores. Philadelphia is awesome, but not because of the places you get gas, dude. [UPROXX]

The Fifteen Greatest ’30 Rock’ Pop Culture References - Speaking of Tina Fey, I had a weird experience yesterday … I’ve been hearing everywhere how good season 5 of 30 Rock was, so I sat down to watch some of it on Netflix. That’s when I realized I’d already SEEN ALL of it and forgotten it in total. Welp! [Warming Glow]

On John Wall, The Wizards & The Case of Young Talent on Bad Teams - I may never be able to think of John Wall as a basketball player again, he’s just that guy who can’t throw a baseball. [Smoking Section]

WALL-ETHEUS Is Eager To Find Some Life Forms - The worst part about doing something creative in 2012: the Internet immediately eats it and sh*ts it out. [Gamma Squad]

The Dog from The Artist Has all the Right Moves - Now we just need to teach a wolf how to ride on the roof of a moving car. [Film Drunk]

Bronies Before Hoenies: Photos And Videos From The 2012 Winter BroNYCon - I understand what it feels like to love something uncool, but I don’t need a situation where I dress up as my favorite wrestler and go to a building where everyone else is dressed up like wrestlers, and I don’t need to blow anybody wearing a Gobbeldy Gooker costume. [UPROXX]

30 Of The Most Depressing Toddlers & Tiaras Animated Gifs On The Internet - These little girls are all going to be Courtney Stodden someday, obsessed with themselves and tweeting in alliteration. [Buzzfeed]

Flava Flav and Dee Snider Have a Crazy-Off on ‘Celebrity Wife Swap’ - Remembering people from my childhood would be awesome if they hadn’t gotten all Gollum’d out by fame. [The FW]

The 11 Crappiest Movies Of Michael Douglas’ Career - Disclosure will always be the worst to me. Demi Moore had a thing going where she’d do message movies and make them look like Cinemax. G.I. Jane, I’m looking in your direction. [Brobible]

The Muppets Invade Movies: A Gallery - In a better world, The Muppets would’ve been a colossal hit and Jim Henson would’ve risen from his grave with googly eyes to accept an Oscar. Oh well. [Unreality]

The Smell of Napalm in the Morning: The Supercut - Somebody needs to convert Apocalypse Now into 3D in post, and into smell-o-vision. [High Definite]

It’s been almost thirty years, but we have our first indication that Dennis Rodman is a normal human being: he hates LeBron James.

TMZ is reporting that a “local patron” of Akron, Ohio, named Michael Douglas stopped by a local bar because he heard Rodman was drinking there. Like any free-thinking citizen of Ohio, he approached Rodman and asked him if he was “in town to check up on LeBron”. So, like any free-thinking human being interacting with someone from Ohio, Rodman shoved him. TMZ makes sure to note that the Michael Douglas in question is not the actor, but he got shoved on his ass, so he’s at least Falling Down.

Police aren’t pursuing an investigation due to lack of evidence and Rodman’s reps are saying he has “no idea what this is about”, so here’s my theory; somebody told Michael Douglas the Ohioan that Dennis Rodman was drinking at a bar in Akron, but it was probably just a really tall black guy who didn’t want to be bothered and this guy went a-quippin’ and got pie-faced for it.

More people should get pie-faced for making LeBron jokes in public. I should be getting pie-faced almost constantly. I should be the Marc Summers of LeBron James jokes.