You know you’re in dangerous territory when the mascot starts facepalming.

Another Independence Day has come and gone, and with it must come and go our contractually obligated coverage of the Nathans Hot Dog Eating Contest. Joey Chestnut took home his sixth consecutive championship and $10,000 for an effort that saw him eat nearly seven hot dogs per minute for ten minutes. It’s the kind of performance that makes you swell with pride or vomit, or possibly both.

The 28-year-old San Jose, California, man nicknamed “Jaws” scarfed down 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes in the sweltering summer heat to take home $10,000 and the mustard yellow belt. He bested his main rival by 16 dogs.

“I feel good, it was a great win,” Chestnut said after the contest, adding he wished he could have eaten a record number of hot dogs for the audience. “I tried my best. I’m looking forward to next year already.” (via Associated Press)

Full video of the contest is below, if you had to go to a wedding or your DVR went on the fritz or something and you couldn’t watch it. Also included is the facepalm-worthy clip of New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg rattling off every single hot dog pun known to man, causing even an anthropomorphic hot dog to be embarrassed for him. Choice quote: “Who wrote this shit?”

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Actually, New York mayor Michael Bloomberg is a New York Jets fan, but he lost a bet with Pittsburgh mayor Luke Ravenstahl when the Steelers defeated the Jets in the AFC Championship. So his punishment for his blind faith was having to wear this Hines Ward jersey as he put together care packages for the troops. The contents of these care packages? Entourage DVDs. If you ask me, it seems like the troops lost the bet.

(Via The Gothamist.)

Meanwhile, back in Gotham , New York City mayor and former presidential non-candidate Michael Bloomberg is nearly losing his mind trying to get Plaxico Burress in jail, as illegally carrying a loaded handgun carries a mandatory 42-month prison sentence if convicted. The hospital that treated Plaxico suspended the employee responsible for not reporting the gunshot wound (as required by law), and has launched its own investigation. But the mayor isn’t satisfied; in fact, he’s also doling out blame to the Giants organization:

[...]Bloomberg also complained that the Giants “should have picked up the phone right away as good corporate citizens. I don’t care whether there’s a legal responsibility for them to do it. They are a team that is here in this region. I know they’re in New Jersey, but it’s the New York Giants, and they have a responsibility as a team that depends on the public and wants to be role models to the public.”

Good corporate citizens don’t really exist, except in fairy tales about corporations. You know, the story of Cinderella was orignally about a third-shift cleaning lady that got plowed in the copy room and then went on to become CEO of the company in that buiding. Man, those corporate Chistmas parties are networking gold mines if you play your cards right.

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