Dry-minded academics have suspended 31 players involved in Saturday's massive FIU-Miami brawl, and most people with consciences are condemning the players for their Haynesworthian/ Marcus-Vickian actions. Fortunately, I don't have a conscience, so I can say that it was AWESOME. 

HOLY FUCK.

The Miami Hurricanes sucked balls on Saturday, getting stomped 31-7 by Louisville. And believe me, I was just as shocked as you to learn that Louisville has a football team. So I guess it's back to what the 'Canes do best: blow rails, demean women, and post bail.

Meanwhile the Cardinals can go back to drinking bourbon and eyeing their attractive cousins.

Also, I checked the Miami roster, and I didn't see this mysterious T. Bag anywhere. Weird, huh? He must have been cut after the loss.