So this was pretty inevitable. After all, there’s nothing more petty and absurd than the jealousies of in-state college athletics. With Florida Gulf Coast University and Dunk City stealing all of the thunder of the state’s second and third tier basketball programs by becoming the first ever 15 seed to advance to the Sweet 16 at the NCAA Tournament, schools like Florida International University have to work a lot harder to get our attention, so naturally the first step was, “HEY EVERYONE! LOOK AT OUR NEW COURT!”

As you can see above, FIU wants to remind everyone that the Golden Panthers play in Miami. That’s where the real beaches are, not at stupid FGCU, where the students pretend that a giant lake is their beach. Just how beachy is Miami? The Panthers have a beach on their new basketball court. But it doesn’t stop there, bottle poppers. No sir, FIU wants to give you the full Miami red carpet, velvet rope experience, so they’re adding some very special courtside seats.

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Olympic gold medalist and guy who trademarked the word “JEAH”, Ryan Lochte turned 28-years old on August 3, which was almost 8 weeks ago, and that’s important to remember because he was the guest of honor at Liv in Miami this past weekend, as he celebrated his birthday. At some point Locthe morphed into a sorority girl turning 21, because even if the excuse is that he didn’t have a real birthday because he was in London, that’s BS, because by all accounts the 2012 Summer Olympics was one giant orgy.

The aspiring actor even got behind the turntables (read: a bro’s Air Mac) to play DJ at his own party, but the big news is that he made a new best bro in Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino. Is anyone on this planet even surprised at this point?

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Like many Americans of prudent judgment and sound mind, I will be rooting passionately against the Heat during this year’s NBA Finals, and thus for the Oklahoma City Thunder. Why, you ask? Because I have a memory longer than the 24-hour news cycle, that’s why.

We live in a contrarian society, one that argues, overanalyzes and debates ad nauseam. So as soon as it became too popular or mainstream to hate the Miami Heat and LeBron James for all their ills and faults (both real and received), a sort of counter-movement started, making the case that rooting for the Heat and for LeBron was okay. Because they’ve suffered defeat and struggle, the line of logic goes, they’ve now earned the right to succeed.

Let me be clear: it’s not, nor will it ever be okay, to root for LeBron and the Heat. They brought this scrutiny and loathing – all of it – upon themselves. They are the sports version of the antichrist and DEAR BABY JESUS, KEVIN DURANT IS OUR ONLY HOPE.

We’re not even two years removed from The Decision, LeBron’s one-hour television special when he metaphorically urinated on his pseudo-hometown of Cleveland, trotting out kids from the Boys & Girls Club as props to serve as cover. We’re not even two years removed from Miami’s post-Decision victory pageant, when LeBron promised “not four, not five, not six” championships. We’re not even a year removed from the post-NBA Finals press conference last year, when Bron Bron ranted and raved about how the little people needed to stop hating him and should get back to their peon lives.

And yet people like Jeff Van Gundy, the former basketball coach and current ESPN announcer, believe there should be a “statute of limitations for [Miami’s] stupidity,” as he recently suggested during a telecast.

Yes Jeff, there is a statute of limitations for stupidity. It’s there for all of us. It’s called death.

So here are 11 reminders why rooting against the Miami Heat is and always will be the socially just and morally sound thing to do. The concept of hate in list form isn’t new, but it’s needed now more than ever. And why 11? Nigel Tufnel, the lead guitarist of the rock band Spinal Tap, understands.

Admittedly, this will be quite difficult without once using the word that begins with a “D” and rhymes with “moosh.” But I will do it for my wayward countrymen who don’t comprehend what is at stake here.

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Pre-show notes:

- First and foremost I’d like to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ give a huge thank you to Bill Hanstock for filling in on the WWE Raw Open Discussion Thread and to Chris Trew for his excellent fill-in job for me on yesterday’s Best And Worst Of Raw. I’ve been in an airport for seemingly the last month and a half so I had to miss everything. Yes, it was spoiled for me before I got home. No, it won’t be as good when I get to write about it next week.

- Comments are appreciated. I’ve gotten a lot of WHERE’S THE WRESTLEMANIA THING feedback, so let’s hear what you thought about the show below. Shares, Facebook likes, Pinterests (?) and Google Plussage are all appreciated.

- Thanks again to THESTINGER for helping me out with show images and gifs. Anything that wasn’t grabbed from TV was taken by me, or someone holding my camera.

- I am extremely tired!

Please click through and enjoy my take on the live experience of WWE Wrestlemania 28. It was … something.

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This weekend was a busy one for me — attending Wrestlemania XXVIII, meeting Dave “Masked Man” Shoemaker from Grantland, trying to figure out what the sh*t a “Sun Pass” is — but one of the biggest highlights was attending Sunday’s exhibition game between the New York Yankees and the new look Miami Marlins in brand-spanking-new Marlins Park in Miami.

There’s been a lot of talk about the new stadium, mostly about how it cost too much to build and how they wanted a motorized nightmare machine in center. I got there early (on the same day as Wrestlemania, because I love to pay for parking) to take a few pictures and share the experience with you guys, because holy crap, if you think the fish machine is bad you haven’t seen everything else.

Take a look and let me know what you think. Worst case scenario, you’ll get to see a sweet Bobblehead Museum. And “Katherine”. Katherine was awesome.

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We’ve talked about it all year, and it’s finally upon us … Wrestlemania XVIII happens in Miami, Florida, this weekend, and by the time you read this I’ll be on the scene to bring you up-to-the-minute live notes, reports, interviews and perspectives and/or taking mark photos with the Funkasaurus.

It’s Wrestlemania and you want to talk about it, so I’ll skip the hype. After the jump you can find the complete card and a series of polls asking you to select who you think will come out in top in the event’s big matches, so after you’ve made your choices, drop down into the comments section and earn a +Rhodes or two explaining your picks.

You may also earn literal +Rhodes for participating in the weekend’s discussion. More on that at the end.

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