Mexico City played host to the 15th annual International Clown Convention, at which 700 clowns gathered to attempt to break the world record for scaring the ever-loving piss out of children. When they were done with that, they also went after the world record for longest laugh at 20 minutes, which I assume is held by the first girl I had sex with.

Sadly, the clowns were only able to laugh for 15 minutes, presumably because truckloads of drug cartel soldiers arrived and shot them all to death. But all was not lost, as that 15 minute laugh was good enough to set the national record for longest laugh in Mexico. The previous longest national laugh was set by the audience during the filming of an episode for Pepe y Paco, in which a grown man dressed as an ice cream cone ripped off a woman’s bra and then threw her into a swimming pool filled with mouse traps. Ay dios mio!

Terrifying clown orgy video after the jump.

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Allison Van Pelt* has worked “for the better part of a decade” in multiple jobs in and around professional football. Before today, I knew who she was, but relatively little about her experience in the game. In the wake of this this Ines Sainz/Clinton Portis business, Allison wanted to deliver some of her thoughts on how women have been treated in the game over the course of her career. We were only too happy to accommodate.

I was recently told by a superior that I am lucky to work for a company that gives me the respect they do, given that I am a female in the football industry.

The part about getting respect here is true. I certainly no longer feel uncomfortable, as I did when I was working for other football-related organizations. I don’t have to worry about ignoring the type of comments that Ines Sainz heard from Jets players and coaches, and Brett Favre isn’t sending me pictures of his junk.

But does that mean I should consider myself lucky? That would be like saying that all women in the corporate world are “lucky” that they no longer live in a Mad Men-esque world, where looking as attractive as possible to your employer is considered a career goal. Read the rest of this entry »

This video apparently made the web rounds over the weekend but today was the first time I viewed it since I spend my weekends teaching inner city kids how to do one-armed push-ups in front of supermodels. While the details of this video are muy mysterioso (Rey Mysterio?) we do know that after these Mexican bodybuilders were done greasing themselves up and flexing for their adoring fans, things got el terrible.

When one of the competitors was awarded third place, he didn’t quite care for the judges’ decision. As you can see in the video after the jump, he accepts his third place prize (a gift card to Cama, Baño y Más Allá, I presume) and he promptly tears it up and confronts the panel of judges, everyone in the audience, y todo el mundo. Well, one of the judges didn’t appreciate this behavior and he puts an end to it… by getting his ass stomped.

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Nominate this photo for Sports Image Of The Year [scratch that, it's 30 years old; the cars in the background should have been a clue]. And then call Border Patrol. It’s a volleyball game being played over the border…literally. These people are using the fence separating the border between Mexico and Arizona as the net.

Alex Webb, people playing volleyball using the border fence between Arizona and Mexico as the net, 1979. Naco, Arizona. –from Bears In Human Suits.

Pretty awesome, and somewhat disturbing, especially if that volleyball rolls into America and tries to get a job.

So this is a bit old, but it’s new to me: this guy made a bet on El Salvador to beat Mexico in World Cup qualifying and wouldn’t you know it, El Salvador lost. I mean, I guess that’s what happened here. But the happy face on the guy getting pulled in the chair while wearing the Mexican flag like a cape really brought me some joy. If I was on border patrol, I’d probably just let them go on by. Provided that they were able to furnish some sort of bribe. We’re talking mucho denaro here, and probably some American money, too.

There are three groups of people you never mess with. The IRS, women that weigh more than you do, and Mexican drug cartels. Guess which one decided to stitch an enemy’s face to a soccer ball? Here’s a hint: the IRS hates soccer.

The body of 36-year-old Hugo Hernandez was left on the streets of Los Mochis in seven pieces as a chilling threat to members of the Juarez drug cartel. A note read: “Happy New Year, because this will be your last.” To drive home the point, the assailants skinned Hernandez’s face and stitched it onto a soccer ball.
The gruesome find, confirmed Friday by Sinaloa state prosecutors, represents a new level of brutality in Mexico’s drug war, in which torture and beheadings are almost daily occurrences. –Examiner, via Real Talk NY.

Yeah, so that’s really more of a World News type of story, except for the soccer ball, which totally makes it relevant to sports. And if you correctly identified Bruce Jenner as the face on the soccer ball, give yourself five points. No, we’re not really keeping score here. I’m just trying to help you feel better about yourself.