The 2013 Major League Baseball season hasn’t even started yet, but it has its work cut out for it, thanks to the World Baseball Classic. Last Saturday, Canada and Mexico faced off in a first round game of the D pool at Chase Field in Phoenix, and Canada’s merry band of hosers walked away with a 10-3 victory. No big deal, right? Wrong.

In the 9th inning of the game, with Canada up 9-3, Mexico’s pitcher Arnold Leon didn’t quite care that his allies to the north were paying attention to the WBC rules and trying to put up as many runs as possible. Instead, Leon pitched inside on Rene Tosoni, which drew a warning from the umpire, and Leon followed that up by drilling Tosoni in the middle of his back. What resulted was a bench-clearing brawl that would have made the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox blush.

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“Fiesta” your eyes on the Los IceHogs jersey, a special-occasion alternate for the AHL Chicago Blackhawks affiliate Rockford IceHogs. I’ve been trying to come up with an occasion that would require a hockey team to dress like that, and I’ve come up with two believable options:

1. IceHogs player John Marston purchased a safehouse in Nuevo Paraiso.

2. Corona is sponsoring a promotion, and there isn’t a huge hockey-loving Latino community in Rockford, Illinois, so instead of being “Hispanic Heritage Night” it’s just “Mexico”.

I mean, what’s next? Are they gonna give fans maracas? A special appearance by Dora The Explorer?

Shit.

It’s “Los IceHogs” night at the BMO Harris Bank Center! The first 2,500 fans into the building will get a Los IceHogs Maraca (one of four colors) compliments of Corona. The Hogs will also be wearing specialty jerseys that will be auctioned off.

I know I can be a little bleeding-heart about these things, but man. We’ve seen “los” jerseys in other sports with varying degrees of success (“Los Heat” is still pretty terrible), but did they have to give the Mexican IceHog a Cheech mustache? Did they have to put him in a sombrero? More importantly, did they also have to put the numbers on the backs of the jerseys in sombreros? This is an actual thing:

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The following video carries a loose “viewer discretion advised” tag because I’m not sure where to draw the line, and there is a pretty flagrant use of the f-word and at least 20 confused women standing around in their underwear. At the same time, I’m pretty sure those are the only two things that happen during a Lingerie Football Game.

Anyway, during the Lingerie Football All-Star Game in Mexico City, Western Conference coach Tony Nguyen got into it with Eastern Conference coach Chandler Brown for something that happened on the field before a kick went out of bounds. They squared off mid-field, and here we are, watching two grown men come to blows over what happened in Mexico when one group of underwear ladies did something uncool to the other.

Video is below.

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File this under “Something to Think About the Next Time I Complain About Homeless People Hanging Out by the Local Little League Park.” On Tuesday, the Saraperos baseball club of Saltillo, Mexico hosted an exhibition game with a local kids team, you know, for fun y giggles. But wouldn’t you know it, some of those pesky Mexican drug cartel nogoodniks were hanging out near the park, when they decided to start a gun fight with state police.

Ay caramba!

Sergio Sisbeles, the security spokesman for Coahuila, the northern border state where Saltillo is located, said the gunbattle broke out after gunmen opened fire on a state police patrol on a street near the stadium.

Police chased the gunmen, killing three and wounding another. They seized three rifles and a vehicle.

Drug cartels are active in the region, but police did not say whether the suspects belonged to a gang. (Via NBC Sports)

Much like your local weather service reminds you that you’re in for showers and to bring an umbrella, the U.S. Consulate is reminding people traveling and living in and around Saltillo to bring a Kevlar vest or two, because these gun battles are ongoing and not stopping anytime soon. And here I was thinking that my nephew wasn’t challenged enough on his little league team.

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Homegirl with the sleeves has no idea how lucky she is.

With Leather’s 2011 Celebrity Fan of the Year and, much less importantly, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model Kate Upton is down in Mexico City for the Liverpool Fashion Fest, and that seems strange to me, because when I think of Liverpool I imagine England, and when I think of Mexico I think of the exact opposite of fashion. But hey, who am I to argue?

Upton appeared at the Liverpool Interlomas Department Store yesterday, and I don’t know why exactly – other than she’s KATE-F*CKING-UPTON and she can do whatever she wants – so I’m going to assume that she’s on a global tour to show everyone how hot they should be. That’s why she took a moment to pose with these Mexican girls and give all girls hope that one day they too can be perfect.

Spoiler alert: Nope.

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Black Friday claims more victims.

Last year, 4,093 people gathered in New Jersey’s Asbury Park to set the world record for the most people dressed like zombies in one place. Not surprisingly, a group of Mexicans broke that record this weekend, more efficiently and for less money, I assume. What the hell has happened to my America? More than 10,000 zombies got together in Mexico City on Saturday, which is also bad news for a recent gathering in Australia of 8,000+ zombie lovers. Let’s face it – when it comes to dressing up like zombies and standing around for no reason other than a love of moaning, Mexico is the best.

But these gatherings are pretty common these days – there was one down the street from me in Orlando just a few months ago – and they’ve left me wondering about a rather important issue. I’m a huge fan of zombie movies and literature, so the idea that there could be a zombie apocalypse exists in my mind. So if all these people are stumbling around at a snail’s pace and moaning, and they’re covered in blood and gashes, would I get in trouble if I started hitting them with shovels?

I mean, “Sorry your honor, but I really thought they were the undead bringers of the apocalypse and I wasn’t going down without a fight” would have to hold up in court, right? Someone needs to look into that.

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