"And I was like, 'Toronto? Sorry, wrong number. No Steve Nash here.'"

Depending on whom you ask, the Los Angeles Lakers either just pulled off a fantastic or terrible trade that makes them instant contenders again or just makes them older. Yesterday, the Lakers defiled our nation’s birthday by making the day’s biggest sports news all about a Canadian athlete. The Phoenix Suns have agreed to ship Steve Nash to L.A. for a goodie bag of draft picks and cash.

Specifically, the Suns inked Nash to a 3-year, $27 million extension and will swing him to the Lakeshow for $3 million and four draft picks. The Lakers were able to make the deal happen thanks to that exemption they received from Dallas in the “Lamar Odom’s worthless presence” trade last season.

So what sold Nash, who had interest from a bunch of teams, on this particular deal?

“This is what I call a family values contract,” Nash’s agent Bill Duffy told USA TODAY Sports. “He was seriously considering retiring so he could remain close to his children. We had to twist his arm to have an open mind. He didn’t want to be away from his children, and this allows him to be in a competitive situation, and even though it’s a rival, he wanted Phoenix to get some value back. It’s a win-win.” (Via USA Today)

Added Duffy, “I was all like, ‘Retirement shmetirement, bro. Daddy needs a new beach house in San Diego. Think about others for once, you selfish dick.’ And boom, Lakers.”

Of course once the news broke, so did the dam that keeps all of the Internet’s hyperbole from drowning us. Nash is 38-years old, and he’ll turn 39 in the middle of the 2012-13 season, so can he still be the point guard that Kobe Bryant and the Lakers have desperately craved since Derek Fisher’s age caught up to him?

Let’s speculate and debate and then hug.

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When Orlando Magic and eventual Brooklyn Nets center Dwight Howard agreed to sign his one-year extension to “let the Magic try to keep him”, a lot of people were pissed off at Miami Heat guard Dwyane Wade when he made fun of Howard on Twitter for his overzealous use of the word “loyalty”. But bless their silly hearts, Magic fans – *points to self, frowns* – believed that Howard really was giving his team a shot until they eventually learned that he only signed the deal to avoid a deadline trade to the Los Angeles Lakers. Loyalty indeed.

So imagine the response of the Internets yesterday when people revealed that Adidas and the NBA have been selling a Dwight Howard “Loyalty” t-shirt all along. Yikes, talk about ironic. Even hipsters have a hard time purchasing that t-shirt online, donating it to the Goodwill and then begrudgingly buying it after they “find it” a few days later. But this shirt got me thinking: “What other absurd shirts could the NBA be pumping out to bilk devoted fans out of their hard-earned cash?”

*scratches spot on chin where hair would grow if he could grow facial hair, fires up Photoshop*

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I’m not sure if Metta World Peace loves the film Meteor Man or if Eric Warheim just tricked him into thinking ‘Channel 5 Kid Break’-style slam dunk videos would help promote mental health awareness, but here we are: Metta World Peace is skateboarding across skyscrapers to dunk flaming basketballs because he wants your brain to work.

Armed with a 40 pound Curling Stone, Metta World Peace transforms into Metta Man™ to complete a backboard shattering triple slam dunk after a wild free fall skateboard ride through the skyline of New York to promote Mental Health Awareness …

Getting Metta to promote mental health is like getting LeBron James to promote humbleness. I guess we’re finally figuring out why he put “Metta” in front of “World Peace”.

[h/t Sweater Punch]

"Wait, am I the elbower or the elbowee?"

By now, we should be over the fact that in a moment of testosterone- and adrenaline-fueled celebration, a professional athlete was careless and violently elbowed another player in the head. But since that athlete is Metta World Peace, AKA Ron Artest, we’ll never be over it, because WHEN IS HE GOING TO DO IT AGAIN???

Alas, we also can’t be over it when the original victim has now become the hunter. During the first quarter of last night’s incredibly-exciting-despite-the-score 77-75 win over the Los Angeles Lakers, Oklahoma City Thunder guard and NBA 6th Man of the Year James Harden got a little revenge on World Peace when he crossed him up and jabbed him in the cheek with his elbow.

Responded World Peace, “IRONY!”

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I took a couple weeks off from doing these here ROFLMNBAO posts for two reasons: 1) because the last two weeks of the season were soooooo boring and B) I forgot. But I figured what better time than now to resume posting these NBA meme pictures since the news that they’re so in demand. Form a line to the left, attractive girls who want to give me money to create ridiculously corny-sounding sites!

Also, I figured it was a better time than any for this week’s installment with the playoffs in full swing and individual awards being presented by the league. As we already know, Tyson Chandler is the Defensive Player of the Year, Jason Kidd received the Sportsmanship Award and Gregg Popovich is the Coach of the Year. “What about the other awards?” you ask while peeling apart the pages of my vintage Hustler collection. The NBA is taking its sweet ass time with those, so I’m issuing my own awards.

A lot happened in this condensed season, so it’s only fair that we recognize everyone for their efforts.

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On Sunday, the world seemed right again, as Metta World Peace turned back into the Ron Artest of old by laying a vicious elbow to the side of James Harden’s head. Artest said that the elbow was an accident – that he was just caught up in the moment after a big slam dunk – and he even Tweeted his oh-so-sincere regrets about the whole situation. Of course, his Tweets were probably borne from damage control, but hey – it’s the thought that counts.

For some reason, it took NBA commissioner David Stern two days to hand down a punishment for the elbow that had left Harden with a concussion, but Artest will miss the next seven games, including the Los Angeles Lakers’ final regular season action and the playoffs. If the Lakers are bounced from the playoffs before that suspension is up, it will carry over into next season. So yeah, Artest has learned his lesson. Again.

“I apologize to the Oklahoma City Thunder fans and the OKC organization,” World Peace wrote on ronartest.com. “I look foward (sic) to getting back on the floor with my teammates and competing for the Lakers fans.” (Via the Associated Press)

Responded Harden, “The strawberries touched the paper jam, pterodactyl Skittles surprise!” As for Stern, how did he and league officials come to their conclusion on this terrible incident, which marks Artest’s third major suspension? Just protecting the players, y’all.

“The concussion suffered by James Harden demonstrates the danger posed by violent acts of this kind, particularly when they are directed at the head area,” Stern said in a statement. “We remain committed to taking necessary measures to protect the safety of NBA players, including the imposition of appropriate penalties for players with a history of on-court altercations.”

Since Artest clearly has a problem that can only be contained for so long before he can’t control it anymore, here’s a fun suggestion – suspend him 7 games plus however many games Harden misses. Oh, and get the guy some serious, daily psychiatric help. And maybe wrap his arms in foam or bubble tape. And have animal trappers on hand to sedate him after big plays. Or, you know, just let him come back and do it all over again.

(Delightfully edited banner GIF via.)