Thanks to imaginative folks at Pangea food, you need no longer while away your mornings glumly looking at your breakfast toast, wistfully waiting for the logo of your favorite sports team to materialize before you jam the burnt bread into your fat face. Unless you’ve been already been slapping logo stickers on your toast, in which case I think you’ve already solved that problem, though I’d advise seeing a doctor anyway.

That’s right, starting next month, Pangea will introduce ProToast, a toaster designed to burn the logo of sports teams from four professional leagues into your toast. Also in the works is a panini press and a waffle maker. It will retail for the low, low price of $34.99, making it a relatively inexpensive alternative for rednecks hoping to mark their friend’s ass with a cattle brand. But is it a minor betrayal to eat an object that is now bearing the logo of your team of choice. Great, now you’ll never be able to eat your buddy’s ass.

This is a screencap of the shop page at the NY Jets online shop, and yes, they don’t even need to go through with the formality of an AFC championship before crowning themselves champs. I’m sure they’ve already booked their team flight to Miami and started studying film on both the Vikings and the Saints, unless the Jets know how that game is going to end, too. Is the team’s merchandising division taking on the same swagger as its football coach, Rex Ryan?

Ryan’s brash talk has made him a cult hero to Jets fans, who have been this close to the Super Bowl only twice before in the 41 years since the Jets shocked the Colts in Super Bowl III. Now they are trying to shock the Colts again in the conference championship game after losing to the Dolphins in the ’82 season game in Miami and the Broncos in the ’98 game in Denver. –NY Daily News

It’s bizarre to think of someone as calm and semi-demure as Peyton Manning trying to match wits with this guy. Ryan seems like he’d be more comfortable trying to eat Peyton Manning. The Jets are currently 8-point underdogs, which seems like a lot, considering that they were able to hang with the Colts at Indy for the two-and-a-half quarters that Peyton played them in Week 16. The Jets should be even hungrier on Sunday.

Uni Watch received a reader submission including this homemade Pittsburgh Steelers jersey sweatshirt combo, the veritable El Camino of bootleg NFL merch. From the submitter:

Back in 1994 my wife made me a Steelers jersey out of a hooded sweatshirt (my son is wearing it in these pictures). We took the sleeve stripes off an old jersey, then she sewed them onto the sweatshirt, along with some homemade numbers. She sewed the gold stripe on the hood and painted the Steelers logo with fabric paint. I’m surprised the NFL hasn’t done this themselves, using the hood as a helmet.

I’ll admit that the fabric paint job is impressive, but…does this kid leave the house wearing that? He looks so upset, but I’m less annoyed with the sweatshirt and more wishing that all Steelers fans were like this. His demeanor should serve as an inspiration to everyone in Steeler Nation. It’s the sort of quiet courage required to wear such a homemade homage to one’s heroes. And I just noticed that there’s no name on the back. Probably a good call.

Yeah, so all the people that came up with all of these 19-0 products are pretty much shit outta luck now. There was that book, this college football ripoff thingy from Macy's, t-shirts, hats, all technically worthless, but worth collecting if you find the smugness of an entire organization is worth chronicling for years to come. And, when you consider how fast firms are pulling this stuff off of sites and shelves, this could be just the thing to go apeshit over once you realize your girlfriend threw it out. The one time she decides to clean up…

[Thanks, Cory W., who is smart enough to never let women stay over.] 

- Monday Morning Punter