If you're not into steroid scandals or sex scandals, I've got a little something more 21st century for you: online gaming scandal!  According this Halo 3 message board, Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas uses multiple accounts to fix games that improve his ranking… or something like that.  Here are some pieces of the thread:

MC 187: Look at all his games that he gets 1st place in. He joins up with a friend and has his other account quit out so he gets 1st place every time. How can this be allowed?
Spartan 2 alec: he is cheating, he keeps playing social doubles with 4 players signed in and quits out two of them.
ShootyMcSnipe: yeah thats pretty blatent , looks like he played legit for awhile.. but then boost city
Alavastre: I don't think this guy is going to last long. I suppose you could do that if they other people didn't care about losing their exp. They ban the 360 now don't they, instead of the account. Ouch that will hurt.
BxR Twister: lolololololol. I hope Gilbert Arenas gets kicked out of the NBA =)

So, yeah.  I'm not quite fluent in Dork, but I've picked up a little bit because I work over the Internet.  And I think the gist of it is that people are pissed at Agent Zero for cheating at a video game (incriminating "box scores" here, here, and here), the results of which could lead to his XBox system getting banned from interactive play.  And of course he wouldn't be able to afford a new XBox.

Even worse, if people on message boards have their way, Arenas might even get banned from the NBA =).  In the memorable words of BxR Twister, lolololololol. Yes, lolololololol, indeed.

GEEKY UPDATE: D.C. Sports Bog has Gilbert's admission, and justification.

It's been a while since we've checked in on Gilbert Arenas, but he's sharing his plans for the summer on his blog:

Right now I’m booking my trip to Tahiti with the family… I’m going to try not to get hurt or eaten by any sharks or stabbed in the chest by any stingrays…

I’m contemplating on a Reality TV show. I might do one this summer if ESPN will pick it up… That’s for this summer and then I have one next summer and it’s going to be the business side of me and that should be funny because I don’t know anything about business so I’m going to sound like Paris Hilton or Jessica Simpson. I mean, I’m not going to sound like, “Do buffalo wings come from buffaloes?” There ain’t going to be any comments like that, but for business people, I’m going to sound like a straight idiot…

I’m writing a book. It ain’t going to be the T.O. “I Need My Ball” or whatever that book was called. It ain’t going to be the Phil Jackson book. Mine is going to be more like Chicken Soup for the Soul. Mine is going to be like that with more funny stuff.

In a related story, my plans for the summer include sweating, writing a blog while sweating, and sweating while not taking any days off.  And sweating.

As expected, Gilbert Arenas wrote a blog entry regarding his season-ending knee injury, and it's just as amazing as you'd think it would be.  Aside from the excellent section titles ("Gerald Wallace Fell Into My Knee"; "Rehab Plan = Video Games"), Agent Zero doesn't disappoint with the content:

I think the worst part about [being in the hospital] was that my Internet connection wasn’t acting right last night so my video game session wasn’t working. It kept kicking me offline so I didn’t actually get to fully play…

I told them to cut the leg off a couple times. You know, cut it off and then bring it back to me when it was all healed. Because, you know, Heather Mills on Dancing with the Stars, she had that leg.

Mostly, though, he sounds upbeat, excited to get some rest, forgiving of Team USA, and eager to cheer his team on.  He also has plans to sign 6000 Gil Zeros and 20,000 jerseys for fans. 

It's not the way "the Takeover" was supposed to end, but it is — in its own strange way — a uniquely Arenasian way to end the season.  As much as it will be a shame to see the Wizards sputter in the first round of the playoffs, I couldn't imagine a better way for Agent Zero to get us excited for next year.  Get well, Gil.

For various reasons, Washington, D.C. is generally renowned as the heart of the sports blogosphere (even though this hunka hunka burnin' love* is in Brooklyn), so the injured knee of Gilbert Arenas is nothing short of an apocalyptic event in our nation's capital.  D.C. Sports Bog bids adieu to the Wizards' chances in the playoffs with a quietly optimistic headline ("The World Has Ended"), while privately, Kissing Suzy Kolber's Unsilent Majority has had sharp objects and shoelaces removed from his apartment.

Wizards Insider reports that Arenas will be out 2-3 months with a meniscus tear, so that probably explains why Wizznutzz hasn't been updated: I'm guessing they've killed themselves.

*But only when I pee.

The NBA has officially admonished Glibert Arenas for betting $10 with a fan at the Wizards vs. Trailblazers game on Wednesday:

"We spoke to Gilbert and explained the issue to him," NBA spokesman John Acunto said Sunday. "And he assured us he wouldn't do anything like this again."

Of course he won't.  Admonishments are a serious business.  When my girlfriend 'admonished' me for leaving the toilet seat up, I took it to heart.  I removed the seat entirely so the temptation to disobey wouldn't be there.

Arenas made the bets as he bantered with fans throughout the Wizards' 100-98 loss . . . After the game, Arenas said he bet a fan $10 that he would make the game-winning basket. He missed badly – throwing up a shot that fell short of the rim – and finished with only 19 points.  "I owe somebody 10 bucks," Arenas said. "I bet a fan if I had a chance I would make the last shot."

Arenas also made two other $10 bets with fans online, but, come on, $30?  I assume that Agent 0 makes a lot of money, so let's make it interesting shall we.  At least he's following Pete Rose's guidance and wagering on himself. -KD

Yesterday I noted that Gilbert Arenas — pictured here as the future mayor of DC — had stumbled in his second and final attempt to exact revenge upon Nate McMillan by failing to score his promised 50 points against the Blazers.

In response to the immediate media punditry overload — or maybe he was just trying to win a game? Hard to tell — Arenas immediately dropped 42 on Seattle, including a game-winning floater in the lane at the buzzer (you can watch that clip over at the Postmen). After the win, Gil took off his jersey and laid it out flat in the middle of the court, because… well, he's Gilbert Arenas, dammit.

But an even more impressive statement is this morning's post on his blog. Although to call it a "blog post" is a bit of a misnomer — it's positively massive, over 3600 words long (for those of you who aren't familiar with word counts, that's over half of a Bill Simmons trip to Green Bay). And not only does it justify his prediction for 50 in Portland ("Before that day I made that prediction, I don’t think anybody knew who I was in Portland. So by me saying I was going to score 50, about 14,000 people showed up on a Tuesday night"), it provides more insight into his character than anything I've read to this point. As Arenas puts it, he's just a fan who happens to play the game:

To understand me is to understand a fan. To understand a fan is to love the sport you’re watching. I love the game of basketball…

[If what I do is] “crazy” or “quirky,” just give me season tickets to any arena and let me sit there with 20,000 other “crazy” and “quirky” people.

So, Chuck Klosterman, stick that in your over-analytical, too-many-philosophy-classes pipe and smoke it.