We're at halftime in the last of the Elite Eight contests and three of the #1 seeds have advanced to San Antonio. Just as Clark Kellogg predicted. Wait, what? If the Kansas Jayhawks can hold on to defeat upset-minded Davidson, the Buckeye wordsmith will be hailed as a modern-day Nostradamus. Or at least a contemporary Miss Cleo. Anyway, 20 minutes of basketball will determine if Stephen Curry will be watching the Final Four on TV with some hot Davidson co-eds (pic courtesy of Busted Coverage), or if his squad of cagers will be taking a field trip to the Alamo.

Oh yeah, I meant to post earlier predicting a Memphis win, but I forgot. Probably because I didn't think they would win until the game was over. -KD

Tiny Davidson College trounced the mighty Wisconsin Badgers 73-56 to advance to the Midwest Regional final of the NCAA Tournament and thoroughly spoil my weekend. Instead of repeating "serenity now" in stressful situations, my new mantra will be "Big Ten teams do not cover" because, well, they can't even fucking win. I'm sorry, this isn't about me or how much money I wagered on this game, it's about the little school that could and their star player:

On the red trim at the bottom of his shoes, Stephen Curry has written in black marker, “I can do all things.” 

Where the hell did this guy go to camp? We just had to sew our names in our clothes at summer camp, but I like the way Curry thinks. Forget the Big Ten maxim, I'm going to begin reciting "I can do all things" on my way through life and let a judge decide if I've gone too far.

Oh yeah, Michigan State lost to Memphis 92-74:

“It just got out of hand so quickly,” Spartans coach Tom Izzo said.

Oooh, that's a good aphorism, too. I can use that on the witness stand. -KD 

Photo credit: Getty Images 

This video made the rounds this weekend while I was busy fine-tuning my Oscar ballot (The Bourne Utimatum for sound editing AND sound mixing!  HOLLA!), and it's a pretty good one.  Going into halftime of Saturday night's #1 versus #2 showdown between Memphis and Tennessee, ESPN sideline reporter/sports nerd fantasy Erin Andrews asked Vols coach/sweatiest man alive Bruce Pearl how Memphis was containing Chris Lofton.  Pearl answered with a demonstration.  Apparently the Tigers were grabbing Lofton's ass with both hands and rubbing their erect penises on his leg.  Weird defense, but it sounds effective.

Hey, did you notice that 8 of the Top 25 ranked college basketball teams lost yesterday? If I knew it, I had forgotten. Or perhaps I was living in denial until I just received a pleasant telephone call from my bookie. Not only did #1 Memphis lose to #2 Tennessee in a thrilling game last night, but several other disasters to my personal economy occurred:

• #17 Washington St. 55, Arizona 65 – I'd enjoy being seduced by a cougar, but I guess I'd rather have sex with a wildcat.
• Kent State 65, #23 St. Mary's 57 – I assume the Catholics felt guilty for that fracas at KSU in 1970. We feel guilty for everything.
• #24 Kansas St. 86, Baylor 92 – Unmurdered ballers play much better. What? Too soon?
• Nebraska 65, #22 Texas A&M 59 – No, I didn't bet on the Aggies. Do I look that stupid? Don't answer that.
• Villanova 67, #13 UConn 65 – Too bad, had I woken up for Mass this morning I would have donated some money to the Augustinians.
• #16 Drake 71, #8 Butler 64 – Michael Vick would have liked this game.
• #4 Kansas 60, Oklahoma St. 61 – Memo to Bill Self: You owe me a knee cap sir.    

Fine, college basketball, I'll pay attention to you. You're smart, you can do things. The Blazers of UAB almost beat the undefeated Memphis Tigers yesterday. UAB led for nearly all of the last 10 minutes of play, but the Tigers pulled ahead by 1 with 6.5 seconds left on a 3-point play by Chris Douglas-Roberts. The Blazers hurried down the court, got 2 shots off and made the last, but the shot-clock had already expired. UAB's fans however, believed their team had won the game:

It wasn't the last scary scene for Memphis players. Several had angry exchanges with UAB fans who rushed the court celebrating what they thought was a win. Then the Tigers (25-0, 11-0 Conference USA) were quickly herded to their locker room. "They thought the shot had counted so they wanted to get on the court," said Memphis' Robert Dozier, who had eight rebounds. "They stormed on the court and they realized the time had expired and they got kind of mad. They started spitting at us and stuff. Guys got kind of heated. We got out of there."

The expectorating fans weren't the only ones that thought UAB had won, as this screen capture from ESPN.com provided by handsome tipster Jake illustrates. Of course, this was probably a momentary glitch as the score is displayed in double X's. Everyone knows for a longer lasting alternate reality you must employ as least triple X's or more. -KD