Following Jose Canseco’s Twitter antics has become a little boring as of late, because he exists somewhere in between outright lunatic and classic Internet troll, and his global warming prophecies of doom and desire to coach lottery winners on how to spend their money – I ain’t kidding, folks – had everything pointing toward the latter. But then yesterday Canseco went on a seemingly crystal meth-fueled rant about haters and racism, and lost in the middle of it was him being flat out busted for using Twitter to hit on girls behind his girlfriend’s back. So that was entertaining.

Speaking of Canseco and Twitter, Heritage Auctions currently has a listing for the Texas Rangers hat that Canseco was wearing on May 26, 1993, when Carlos Martinez hit a fly ball that bounced off of Canseco’s head and over the right field wall for a home run. Canseco is certainly aware that the hat is up for auction, which is why he wants you to know that he doesn’t agree that Martinez deserved a dinger in the stat line.

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Do you like worthless sports memorabilia that’s vaguely tied to “The Simpsons?” Then this Don Mattingly royalty check might be for you.

This is a residual check from Don Mattingly’s appearance on The Simpsons 1992 episode, “Homer at Bat.” Donnie appeared with other Major League all stars as ringers for Mr. Burns’ softball team.

The check is made out to Don Mattingly from Fox Studios and has been endorsed by Don on the back. The signature was witnessed by Schulte Sports and comes with their tamper-proof hologram. –from Schulte Auctions. Thanks, Jack.

Bidding has reached $79, which represents a -99.2 percent ROI, which is pretty good investing if you’re a Yankees fan. If people in New York are willing to pay this much for a canceled check, maybe we should start moving the world’s financial markets someplace less maniacal. Like Mike Tyson’s house.

O.J. Simpson actually had a court ruling in his favor earlier this week. No, he’s not out of jail. He won a court case that decided the ownership of some of that memorabilia that he tried to steal a couple years ago:

In a ruling that capped more than a year of legal wrangling, Superior Court Judge Gerald Rosenberg on Tuesday gave nine souvenir footballs and a few other items to a lawyer for Simpson nemesis Fred Goldman for auction. Goldman is trying to collect on a $33.5 million civil judgment against Simpson.

But in another odd twist, the judge said Simpson must get the first $6,075 from the auction. Rosenberg said it was possible that figure would not be reached, and then Goldman would get nothing. via.

This was from a bundle of crap that Simpson was trying to steal (back?) from memorabilia dealer Bruce Fromborg. However, Fromborg was allowed to keep most of his OJ stuff that was stolen from him in that September 2007 robbery: something like 600 photographs and a few books. I’d be more interested in a certain knife and pair of black Bruno Magli shoes. Oh, no particular reason. A friend of mine’s getting married in October, and I don’t really feel like buying him a blender.

William Hermes, a 49-year-old Illinois man, was arrested for selling 1.5 grams of cocaine to a police informant, but lucky for him he's slinging more than just blow these days. He's got his respectable cover as a seller of baseball cards to back up his more illicit dealings. I'm sure like dollar bills, every baseball card has trace amounts of cocaine on it. Also fanboy semen, of course.

When police searched him after the arrest, they found $1,400 in Hermes' pocket and moved to seize the money.

Under forfeiture laws, Day said, any money confiscated during a drug arrest is assumed to be profit from drug sales unless the person with the money can prove it is not.

"He told the officers he was a baseball card collector and that he had just sold an Ernie Banks rookie card," Day said. "It certainly was the most interesting story I have heard under these circumstances, but we had to check it out."

The judge sentenced Hermes to two years probation and levied a $1,000 fine. All told, he comes up $400 in the black. That's the power of diversification, kids. How else can the authors of this site cover the punitive costs of hooker killing charges? Sure, the crime only carries a fine of $1.45 in most states (74 cents in Nevada)but it adds up after a few particularly bloody sprees, you know? The real killer is the hike in chainsaw fuel. 

Sports card enthusiasts and bubblegum chewers will be happy to know that Topps accepted Michael Eisner's $385 million takeover bid yesterday. Except maybe it's not gonna happen. Business stories confuse me.

[Topps director Arnaud] Ajdler said Tuesday he had not yet been in touch with other major shareholders but he thought the deal should be abandoned because negotiations did not go through a proper process and that the Eisner-led offer undervalues the company.

"I believe that the process that led to the signing of the merger agreement was flawed in that the board of directors did not shop the company and thus failed to maximize the competitive dynamics of a sale transaction that would have garnered the highest price available," Ajdler wrote in a letter sent to board members on Tuesday.

I don't buy it. No way is Topps worth more than that. They sell baseball cards, Bazooka gum, and Ring Pops. Only one of those has any market value, and it sure ain't the concrete-laced gum or the overpriced pieces of cardboard. Ring Pops, on the other hand… you can eat it AND wear it. Amazing.

Image courtesy The Sports Hernia, which has several more "error cards" in a great post. Story via Mop Up Duty.