First the newsy part – with very little surprise, former reality TV star and current girl who had a son with Jay Cutler, Kristin Cavallari, has “opened her home” to People Magazine, which is a very pleasant way of saying that she sold the first photos of her son, Camden Jack, to the popular celebrity magazine. And there he is above… wait a second, is that baby smiling? Yo, someone get Maury Povich on line 1, because I think we have a serious paternity test issue here. The fact that this kid didn’t pop out of the womb with two middle fingers in the air already has me concerned enough.

And now the fun part. Yesterday, my cool cousin with a sleeveless letterman jacket, Christmas Ape, posted one of the greater J-Cutty stories that we’ve heard in quite some time, and I don’t care if it’s an urban legend or not, because it just has to be true. In fact, if you go back and watch the highlights of him throwing four interceptions against the Green Bay Packers, and imagine him yelling, “DOOOONNNNNN’T CAAAAAAAAARE” after each one, well, it’s amazing.

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The Washington Redskins are currently 1-0 after a huge 40-32 Week 1 victory over the New Orleans Saints, and naturally the buzz of that win revolved around how great rookie quarterback Robert Griffin III played. RG3, as he’s known in science fiction films to fans, threw for 320 yards and 2 TDs in his first regular season NFL game, so naturally Skins fans are excited about his future. It also helps that he gets to play the St. Louis Rams this week, and everyone assumes that’ll be a much easier game for him (even though the Rams made Matt Stafford look like he played for the Rams).

Again, the guy has played one regular season game, and while I know that Skins fans are relieved that they finally have a potentially good QB and not a Grossman or Campbell, we shouldn’t anoint him the Chosen One just yet. But that would be a rational point of view, and sports fans are never rational. That’s how a meme like Griffining is born.

Coined by The Burgundy Blog, Griffining is the new planking/owling/Batmaning/Tebowing, and I have a feeling that even if the Redskins go 1-15 this season and Griffin throws no more TDs and 50 interceptions, the fans will keep doing it, because sports fans are insane. While there’s already a movement to stop this fad growing on Twitter, it won’t matter. The resistance to Griffining is futile.

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I am well aware that blogging on a sports comedy site does not make me a “journalist” or a “reporter”, and sure, 90% of my day is collecting cheesy wrestler photos until I can run downstairs and watch movies, but Jesus Christ, even my highest-of-the-low-quality-writers no-worth-ethic-having ass would not use my internationally-broadcast Weather Channel report on Hurricane Isaac as an excuse to “Tebow”.

This is Weather Channel expert and “fitness nut” Jim Cantore Tebowing in the middle of Hurricane Isaac. I think the worst part is his “uhhh these winds are really powerful and it’s GETTIN’ HARD TO STAND” thing before it. He should’ve started off the report planking facedown in the street.

In case you’ve got a kinder heart than mine and you’re thinking, “maybe he really couldn’t stand up”, here’s a second clip of him doing push-ups.

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Since a run of four 90+ win seasons from 2000-2003, the Seattle Mariners have had just 2 winning seasons. While their fans certainly aren’t as maligned as those of the Cleveland Indians or Chicago Cubs, it’s still not very easy being a loyal moose in the Emerald City, especially with the team shipping out the beloved Ichiro Suzuki for greener pastures earlier this season. In fact, it’s safe to say that Mariners fans only have Felix Hernandez left to be proud of, and as long as he’s mowing them down at Safeco, they’re going to love him for it.

Enter: Felixing. As we watched King Felix pitch a perfect game last Wednesday, fans around the world are now celebrating the 26-year old by taking Tebowing behind the barn in favor of Felixing, which honors his celebratory “Where the Wild Things Are” victory pose. The pose has even caught on with Pearl Jam lead singer Eddie Vedder, who would qualify for the upcoming updates to my Interactive Celebrity Fan Tracker, if he’d simply decide which team he’s actually a fan of.

But aside from that, it’s nice to see those crazy kids in the Pacific Northwest celebrating something these days. Hopefully we’ll soon see Ufford introduce Tavarising, which is a bag-packing pose.

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Good meme. Well done.

I’ve long admired Lane Kiffin’s coaching career, from his days as an assistant at USC, to his head coaching gig with the Oakland Raiders, to his stint as the head coach of the Tennessee Volunteers, and now his tenure as the coach of the USC Trojans. I don’t admire everything he’s done because he’s been great at it. No, I admire it because short of Cosmo Kramer, nobody has ever fallen ass backwards into fortune and success quite like this guy.

But this is about today, and barring any idiocy in his lavish recruiting style, Kiffin will probably be at USC for a long time, because 18-year old kids like living and playing in Southern California. And we can make fun of Kiffin all we want for being arrogant or for saying he wouldn’t vote his team No. 1 when he clearly did, but it’s not going to change the fact that the guy is who he is.

That’s why the Bane Kiffin meme is so perfect. The guy’s an unapologetic, brash menace that most likely won’t be stopped this season, and we love puns. So everything works out great. We hope that this new Tumblr parody continues throughout the season, and we celebrate it today with several of our favorites and a few of my own.

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Yesterday, after we wished New York Jets backup quarterback Tim Tebow a very happy 25th birthday, ESPN apparently turned the volume up to 11 and threw the Teebster a birthday party for the ages. Sadly, I missed that, so I just imagine that it was the complete opposite of Kirk Cameron’s birthday party. But a lot of the Tweeps that I follow on Twitter were none too pleased with it, especially our colleague at Awful Announcing, as he really had a banner day.

People love (and hate) Tebow and ESPN knows that, so the “Worldwide Leader” is going to treat him just like the media golden boy that he is while ignoring real sports news, because who cares about that crap anyway? Luckily, I stumbled across the Tumblr site “Tim Tebow Confessions” yesterday, and I think it’s just perfect for the folks in Bristol, CT so they can send in their deepest inner thoughts to let us know what they really think about Tebow without being embarrassed.

All kidding aside, though, when you read these confessions – a few of them quite head-scratching – you’re going to think at least half of them were written by Skip Bayless.

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