I may or may not have a Google news alert set for “Paulina Gretzky wearing tank tops in public”, but it worked in my favor today because Wayne Gretzky’s pride and joy is currently running around Augusta National supporting her boyfriend Dustin Johnson. I have no clue where he currently stands, but if I were him I’d never be standing again.

Hit it.

Anywho, that was my strange, unrelated way of talking about the new Tumblr account that will be almost as hot as Paulina this weekend, “Waldo at the Masters”, which is photoshopped pictures of America’s favorite Hide N Seek champ hanging out in the gallery at Augusta National. There’s not much else to it, and there doesn’t have to be. I love Waldo and I love the Masters tournament, so unless someone finds a way to incorporate Taco Bell’s Volcano Tacos, I’m pretty confident that this is going to be my favorite thing of this weekend.

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Around the same time that someone in the New York Mets organization said, “Hey we should do one of those Harlem Shake videos”, the crazy kids of the Internet were already neck deep in the latest meme – Hadouken’ing or Kamehameha’ing, depending on whom you ask. In this sudden photo craze, people pretend like they’re hitting their friends with energy blasts, to which I assume that our old friend Zhang Feng just laughed and said, “Pretend all you want” before blasting a hole shaped like his hand in the side of a mountain.

The first apparent sports team to try its hand, or should I say feet *snorts*, at this new meme is Japan’s Yokohama F.Marinos football club. Players Shingo Hyodo and Manabu Saito pulled off their own tributes to Street Fighter or Dragon Ball Z, and the club posted them to Twitter. Needless to say, when one sports team does something cool and new, dozens if not hundreds will follow.

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For all of its pros and cons, Twitter is, at best, a valuable educational device. For example, on Saturday evening, a few of us took notice of a re-Tweet from our beloved Hall of Fame Celebrity Sports Fan of Every Year, Kate Upton. The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model recognized a Russian girl named Ania, who Tweeted an image of herself paying tribute to Upton’s most recent SI cover, as you can see above. Then Twitter did its Twitter thing from there.

Within an hour, Ania’s follower count had jumped by several hundred, which is a little lower than unexpected, but I guess even the biggest Twitter pervs have an off-night. By this morning, the aspiring “mail order bride” was up to 1,362 followers, and she had already gone ahead and locked her account, only after she had openly Tweeted with Sports Illustrated and bragged about her “doppelganger” RT-ing her.

Ania’s 15 seconds of Twitter fame have come and gone, but I’d like to make a plea to our beloved Upton and all of the 18-and-up girls out there who aspire to be like her – let’s make Uptoning the new meme. Attractive girls everywhere can pick their favorite pictures of Kate and they can go out and recreate them. I can’t imagine there’s a single man out there who would object to this, and if there is, he should be monitored by the government because he’s probably Al Qaeda.

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First and foremost, if you’re one of the 16 remaining Americans who hasn’t read Deadspin’s incredible, mind-blowing investigative report on Notre Dame linebacker and soon-to-be first round draft pick Manti Te’o and his fake dead girlfriend, do it now. I haven’t read something so riveting since “The Berenstain Bears Go to Gitmo”. That article should be taught on day one when the cool kids show up to J school.

That said, there’s no point in retelling the story, because it can’t be summarized. However, I do have 10 quick thoughts on this…

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When San Francisco 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh opted to stick with Colin Kaepernick as his starting quarterback even after a concussed Alex Smith had been cleared to play, a lot of Niner fans were pissed off. Smith, of course, was vocal about his discontent with being benched, saying something like, “All I did to lose my job was get a concussion and not look like a young Gregory Hines.” Again, that’s not verbatim.

But the fun of being an NFL fan is that you can be as pissed off as you want one day, and then completely change your mind the next. Now that Kaepernick has led the 49ers to a convincing, dominating playoff win over the Green Bay Packers – in which he set the single game NFL rushing record for a QB – it’s all “Alex who?” in the Bay Area, because San Fran fans love them some Kaepernick right now.

Of course, as we’ve learned in the past, when we have an exciting young QB winning games, he’s bound to be followed by a trademark meme, and wouldn’t you know, Kaepernicking is apparently a thing now. There is no God.

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The International Cycling Union has decided that based on the findings of the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency’s extensive report on Lance Armstrong, the 7-time Tour de France winner has been officially stripped of all of his titles. Upon making and announcing the decision, ICU President Pat McQuaid poured a glass of elk’s blood, struck a match on a child’s forehead and lit his cigar before cackling with the echoes reaching the bottom of the world’s deepest trench.

“Lance Armstrong has no place in cycling and he deserves to be forgotten in cycling,” McQuaid said at a news conference. “This is a landmark day for cycling.”

“I was sickened by what I read in the USADA report,” McQuaid said, singling out the testimony of David Zabriskie. “The story he told of how he was coerced and to some extent forced into doping is just mind boggling.” (Via Fox Sports)

Is landmark really the right word here? I know this is monumental and unprecedented, as who can remember the last time that a sport figuratively eviscerated its greatest champion and every shred of credibility that cycling and especially the Americans had left? I just feel like “landmark” doesn’t reflect how awful this mess is. Maybe McQuaid could have made up a really terrible world like “monuterrorawfulAIDSbiebermental”. That’s a good word.

Surprisingly, Armstrong has already commented, telling a group of cyclists at a Livestrong event that he’s “been better” and “been worse”, as whatever’s left of his credibility is stomped into the mud by people who have behaved just as despicably as he reportedly has. (Except, you know, without all of the charity work and inspiration for cancer patients.) But I spent some time this morning trying to sort through the media and fan responses – both good and bad – and it seems that the hot fad right now is basting Armstrong with hate and baking him in the oven at 450-degrees for the rest of the eternity.

After the jump, check out some of the more colorful fan responses to Armstrong’s misdeeds. Seriously, people are pissed.

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