I’ll be the first one to admit that finding a different way of writing about sports every day can be a daunting pain in the ass. It’s an amalgam of skill and creativity that can–and often does–go wrong in the worst ways. So when someone else screws up, I’m happy to share it with the world. Enter Mark Whicker of the Orange County Register.

Mark caught wind of the Jaycee Dugard story and devoted a column to it, rolling off a list of sports highlights from the past 18 years. Oh, by the way, Jaycee was recently freed after being falsely imprisoned for two decades by a convicted rapist.

She never saw a highlight. Never got to the ballpark for Beach Towel Night. Probably hasn’t high-fived in a while. Now, that’s deprivation.

Can you imagine? Dugard was 11 when she was kidnapped and stashed in Phillip Garrido’s backyard. She was 29 when she escaped. Penitentiary inmates at least get an hour of TV a day. Dugard was cut off from everything but the elements.

Whicker continues. Oh, does he: Read the rest of this entry »

I ordinarily don't give two shits about Chicago Sun-Times columnist/ESPN talking head/flaming asshole Jay Mariotti, because I purposefully don't read hacks whose sole purpose is to agitate good-hearted sports fans… but this Friday is slow as fuck and I've got quotas.

Anyway, Mariotti fell ill during his flight to New Orleans to cover the Sugar Bowl — presumably he was going to write a glowing profile of Charlie Weis following another Irish bowl loss — and underwent a procedure to clear a clogged artery in his shriveled, black heart. He is now, apparently, resting comfortably.

Surprisingly, the haters at Jay the Joke are actually wishing Mariotti well. I guess this is some sort of twist like in Unbreakable, when Samuel L. Jackson talks about how arch enemies actually need each other or something. I'd prefer to believe that they just have something much more satisfying lined up… like having Jay torn limb from limb by a peace accord of White Sox and Cubs fans on the 50-yard line of Soldier Field during halftime of next week's Bears playoff game. I'd pay to see that.

Tip o' the Hat: Foul Balls

The blogosphere is suddenly all atwitter about Bill Simmons's latest NFL picks column, specifically a passing shot at certain unnamed blogs:

[T]he fake-laughing battle between Shannon Sharpe on CBS, Terry Bradshaw on Fox, Bettis on NBC and Tom Jackson on ESPN could end up being more interesting than any of the division races. It's too bad nobody's keeping score. We have all these evil blogs now that go after everybody in the media, couldn't one of them keep a fake-laugh tally on the pregame shows?

While I can't imagine Bill is a big fan of Sons of the Sports Guy, the blogosphere provides necessary criticism for lazy or inept journalists and commentators who have no business keeping their jobs. Jay the Joke, Fire Joe Morgan, and Scoopwatch are excellent examples of blogs providing a counterattack to the bloviated wretches who have suckled too long on the ESPN teat.

As for Bill's assertion that blogs can be "evil," maybe it's best if everybody just sat back and took a couple deep breaths. The Simmons backlash is really unwarranted. People always attack him for having irregularities in his beliefs or changing his mind on certain subjects, and I can totally empathize with the Sports Guy here. Sometimes I write about how girls say that on a scale of 1 to 10 as a lover, I'm an 11, while other times it's a 12. What can I say? Sometimes I have off days.