Links

Christmas Commercials from the 1950s and ’60s Are the Best - … but none of them are as good as that McDonald’s one. And the McDonald’s one isn’t as good as Peter returning home for Folgers. [Warming Glow]

Television’s Biggest Douchebags in 2011 - I’m not sure Glenn Beck qualifies as a “douchebag” so much as he does for “person who should not be allowed to say things on TV and influence people because he’s basically a televangelist and is making things way worse”. [Warming Glow]

The Prometheus Trailer Is Finally Here - I really hope this movie ends with Catwoman kicking Michael Fassbender in the nuts. [Film Drunk]

The KSK Sex & Fantasy Football Mailbag: Aaron rodgers Is Going To Screw Us, Isn’t He - Probably. Tim Tebow isn’t going to screw us, though, he’s going to be a nice person forever. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Hollywood’s Hottest Jews: Some People Are Just A Little More “Chosen” Than Others - Yes, Alison Brie and Kat Dennings are amazing, but holy sh*t this article title. If I wrote “hollywood’s hottest jews” on something and published it I’d probably hang myself. [Pajiba]

5 Design Problems Video Games Really Need to Fix - Is “that frost dragon grabbing me with his mouth and shaking me around until I’ve died” a design problem? Because somebody needs to fix that one, too. [Gamma Squad]

5 Features That Will Make Me Buy The iPad 3 - One feature that will make me buy the iPad 3: my girlfriend’s angry face. [Smoking Section]

The 30 Craziest Facebook Stories Of 2011 - Also known as “cool story bro 2011″. None of these stories are as interesting as that picture I took with J. Worthington “Honest John” Foulfellow at Disneyland. [Buzzfeed]

MMA Gif Party: The Best Gifs Of 2011 - I can’t decide whether this list makes me like MMA more or less. Probably more. [Cage Potato]

The Most Awesome, And The Most Awesomely Bad, Metal Album Covers Of The Year - I can’t believe people still make metal albums. [FARK]

The Seven Best Steven Spielberg Movies - In order: Raiders, Empire of the Sun, Jaws, Jurassic Park, Schindler’s List, E.T., Always. Ha, just kidding on the last one. [Unreality]

Links

Barbara Walters Interviews The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles In 1991 - I remember this, as I remember everything Ninja Turtles related. How many of you went to the Coming Out Of Our Shells Tour, raise your hand. [The High Definite]

The Smoking Section Ranks In The Source’s Power 30 List - New professional goal: start ranking on peoples’ Power Lists. I can lift a car, my blog has to be better than Grantland. [Smoking Section]

Five Cognitive Biases That Prove Your Brain Hates Science - I basically live in a world built on Blindspot Bias. In it, I can’t understand why anyone would read Cracked.com. [Gamma Squad]

Plot Of Jack & Jill Recreated With Passive-aggressive Quotes From Scathing Reviews - Second new professional goal: start calling myself “A.O.” something. Those aren’t initials, idiot, they’re what Tony Danza says when he’s trying to avoid confrontation. [Film Drunk]

Corgi Friday: A Youtube-stravaganza - I wish my cat would get this excited to see me after trips. He just kinda stands and yells at me. [Warming Glow]

Meme Watch: First World Problems Finally Have A Macro, One First World Problem Solved - Love that “White People Problems” has a racially-nonspecific PC equivalent. [UPROXX]

McRib With Bacon And Mozzarella Sticks - The worst link I could possibly give you. I’d rather have you think I’m a pussy than be dead at 45. [Buzzfeed]

Adult Swim’s 15 Best Webcontents of the Week - “Webcontents” gets funny when you say it as one world, like malcontent. I moved my website to the hills and don’t let anyone visit it because I’m a webcontent! [Adult Swim]

Photoshop Creates an Attractive Woman From a Blank Canvas [VIDEO] - This would be more impressive if 1) every photo we had wasn’t photoshopped to death, causing us accept tons of photoshop as “normal” and 2) people haven’t been able to do this with pen and paper and like, paint for thousands of years. [The FW]

Movies That Made Numbers and Dates Terrifying - May 19th! MAY 19TH! [Moviefone]

The Five Biggest Fantasy Football Busts of 2011 (and Five Players You Should Pick Up Now) - I’m currently 470-something in our DraftStreet fantasy football contest. I have no f**king goddamn clue how to play fantasy football. [The Smoking Jacket]

15 Funny Real Life Sci-Fi Road Sign Hacks - The guy who hacked his to be about Harry Potter sucks so bad I can’t even process it. [Unreality]

I’m not sure why I’m surprised that there’s a world record for this.

Links

The Best Of Workaholics GIFs - I always wonder if the pitch for this show was “it’s just like ‘Stella’, except about drugs and their own wieners”. [UPROXX]

Romeo and Juliet: The Porno - Nothing is accomplished here that wasn’t accomplished slightly better by Troma 15 years ago. Porno needs its own narrative, dammit, stop being derivative. Shane’s World wasn’t good because it loosely adapted Much Ado About Nothing. [Film Drunk]

Saved By The Bell Stills + Kanye Lyrics = Kanye’d By The Bell - Somebody add “Been a long time since I spoke to you in a bathroom gripping you up f**kin and choking you” to a pic of the guy from Valley trying to full nelson Christy The Girl Wrestler. [UPROXX]

Hello, Heartache: The McRib Is Coming Back - You people are never gonna learn, are you. [Smoking Section]

The Batman’s Jeff Matsuda Stops By Reddit, Makes Batman Sketches By Request - In a “comic book people are awesome”-related story, I just found out that Brian Azzarello and Jill Thompson read Best and Worst Of Raw, so I’m gonna go out and buy like 50 comic books today. [Gamma Squad]

‘Breaking Bad’s’ Blue Meth Survived the Zombie Apocalypse - After finding out that ‘The X-Files’ and ‘The Wire’ happen in the same universe, anything is possible. Not to mention ‘Family Matters’ and ‘Step By Step’. [Warming Glow]

15 Unintentionally Offensive Halloween Costumes - Just to reiterate, it’s not offensive, but if you are planning to go as “dead or zombie version of recently dead celebrity”, don’t, it is not original or funny. [Buzzfeed]

Eddie Murphy on Hosting the Oscars: ‘I’m Going to be Horrendous’ - What, did you finally get around to watching your last 40 movies? [Moviefone]

Five Awful Cover Songs Made Even Worse By Tiny Lyric Changes - I’d sincerely forgotten that Hilary Duff’s cover of “My Generation” existed. Thanks, The Smoking Jacket. Thanks a lot. [The Smoking Jacket]

The 20 Highest Grossing Prequels of All Time and the Box-Office Performance of The Worst Movie Ever - You know you’ve done something right when your movie gets listed alongside The Flintstones In Viva Rock Vegas. [Pajiba]

10 Awesome Examples of Today’s Video Games into Atari Format - I would play all of these except for maybe Pokémon, because it would make my eyes explode. Atari Zelda looks rad. [Unreality]

[Drunken unicycling via Buzzfeed]

The Dodgers are bankrupt, and their situation isn’t getting any better. From a report posted last night on CBS Sports’ Eye on Baseball:

The Los Angeles Dodgers — who recently filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection — issued payroll checks to some “game day staff members” that bounced, according to TMZ.com. The website actually obtained a check for $497.54 that shows it was returned to the employee by the bank and was stamped with “refer to maker,” which means there were insufficient funds in the Dodgers’ account. The check was signed by Dodgers owner Frank McCourt and issued on June 24. TMZ notes the Dodgers said that some checks did bounce but have since been reissued.

In the meantime, Dodgers employees better not spend their money until their paycheck definitely clears.

And that brings us to today’s Dugout, which covers the bouncing checks and finds out exactly what Frank McCourt has been doing with his giant pile of burning money. It follows.

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An Illinois man is less than 10 days away from a goal he set for himself 3 weeks ago, as he gave himself 30 days to prepare and train for the Los Angeles Marathon. And while that would seemingly make him no different than thousands of other people who will run in that very same race, it’s how Joe D’Amico has been preparing that sets him apart from the rest. He’s been eating only McDonald’s food.

D’Amico’s ongoing goal is to train for the 26.2-mile marathon by following his normal daily running routine while eating 3 meals a day at McD’s. And while that sounds counterproductive, he’s not exactly channeling Morgan Spurlock.

Unlike filmmaker Morgan Spurlock, who gained 24 pounds and saw his health rapidly deteriorate while eating at McDonald’s for a month for his hit 2004 documentary “Super Size Me,” D’Amico won’t order large fries, and he’s never had a Big Mac. He did try an Angus deluxe burger, though, as part of his training

“I can do it because I’m running 100 miles a week,” he said. (Via Chicago Sun-Times)

Also, instead of the menu items that I love, like chicken strips with buffalo sauce and the largest container of fries that even God could barely lift, he’s eating grilled chicken sandwiches and, even worse, he’s doing it in moderation with small meals… That’s cheating!

I mean, aside from the fact that he’s blogging about his exploits and raising money for the Ronald McDonald House Charities, what’s the point of this whole desperate plea for attention? Oh, I see – merchandising. What a sellout. Oh, the profits are also going to charity? Well look at you, Mr. Cool Eating Healthy And Giving Money To People Who Need It Guy. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to eat a Choco Taco and do half a sit-up.