There are a lot of great reasons to run; it improves your cardiovascular health, prevents muscle and bone loss, improves coordination and can help you both lose weight and gain confidence. On the other hand, there are negative aspects to running, such as BEARS FINDING YOU AND ATTACKING YOU AND KILLING YOU.

While this story isn’t that severe, it’s a great cautionary tale about how you should never run unless you’re running from something. Two cross-country teams from Camas High School in Washington had their meets delayed due to bear sightings, including an amazingly dramatic event on Tuesday that ended when an adult runner who’d been jogging ahead of the pack came back to warn everyone that (and allow me to italicize this) a group of unsuspecting teens were charging into a bear attack.

A local news report of the sightings with video and photo of the bear in question (who doesn’t look particularly ferocious, but in a fight between cross-country teens and a bear, I’m picking the f**king bear) is below.

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We sometimes receive video and picture tips that are rather vague, and they’re not always easy for our crack research team (read: two homeless guys addicted to meth) to figure out. For instance, Croatian bodybuilder Robopanda sent me a clip of a soccer match this morning, and while I know that I can call Las Carretas for catering services, I don’t know much else about this game, nor do I need to. Because there’s not a chance in hell that I would ever go to a soccer field that is also home to a billion bees.

During this soccer match of unknown origins, bees swarmed the field and attacked the players, and while I’m no beeologist, I do know that if you’re being attacked by a bee, let alone thousands of bees, you need to get the F out of Dodge. You are not supposed to lie down and stay perfectly still and/or swing your arms wildly as if fending off a rapist. Additionally, I think it’s safe to say that you shouldn’t drape a large piece of cloth over someone being attacked by bees to trap them in with his face. But maybe these soccer players knew something I don’t.

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