So the whole Steve Phillips fiasco has reached its inevitable conclusion: ESPN canned his ass. They waited until Sunday night to make the announcement, and then loaded his career into a Mayflower truck and drove nonstop to Indianapolis.
“Steve Phillips is no longer working for ESPN,” network spokesman Josh Krulewitz said in a statement. “His ability to be an effective representative for ESPN has been significantly and irreparably damaged, and it became evident it was time to part ways.” –ESPN, via Deadspin.
I guess I understand–how much credibility does a guy have after he knocked boots with this? But if that’s the case, why does former Detroit Lions GM Matt Millen still have a job at the network? That guy dicked an entire city. For YEARS. And what does he get for his trouble? He gets to go on TV and tell everyone how much he knows about football. My ass. Oh, but he’s great on TV. No, the same rule applies. That asshole may as well have “0-16″ tattooed onto his forehead, because that’s the only thought I can process whenever I see that chump on TV.
ASYLUM POLL: Did Steve Phillips get harsh treatment compared to other ornery celebs?
I think of the ability to fail upwards as more of a gift than a skill, one with which former Detroit Lions general manager Matt Millen seems blessed. After being named as an analyst for ESPN’s upcoming NFL coverage this season, that monolith is now reporting that Millen will also be the color guy for the NFL Network’s Thursday Night Football games.
“Matt Millen is one of the best television analysts in the business and we welcome him back to the booth on Thursday Night Football,” NFL Network president and CEO Steve Bornstein said in a statement. “Matt’s candor, knowledge and passion for the NFL, partnered with Bob Papa, make them a very entertaining and informative announcing team.”
Millen was hired in May by ESPN to serve as a college football game analyst and will contribute to ESPN’s NFL studio coverage throughout the year, appearing on “Monday Night Countdown,” “NFL Live,” “SportsCenter,” ESPNEWS and other programs.
Look, I don’t care what kind of TV guy he was before he took the Lions’ GM job in 2001. His credibility is shot; he may as well have “0-16″ tattooed onto his forehead, because that’s the only thing I think of when I see him. Like when some people (not me, but some) see Kobe, all they can think about is Eagle, Colorado. Matt Millen raped an entire franchise, and for these networks to thrust him back in front of a camera as some know-it-all is insulting. Suddenly, not getting the NFL Network is a good thing.
Here’s the latest from the That’s The Dumbest Thing I’ve Ever Heard, But It Doesn’t Surprise Me In The Least Since It’s ESPN news desk: the monolith had considered filling Tony Kornheiser’s vacancy at Monday Night Football with America’s F*vorite F*ckup, former Detroit Lions GM Matt Millen.
[ESPN's executive vice president of content John] Skipper said ESPN brass “talked internally” about recent hire Matt Millen and other candidates but didn’t “interview” anybody but Gruden.
“We’re always looking to make our lineup better. We were talking to Gruden. He was trying to figure out what he was going to do,” Skipper said. “He did very well on the draft for NFL Network. I know sometimes people think we’ve got research and have been doing this for three months. This all happened in the past 10 days.”
I’m curious how this info got out. Deep down, I think this is ESPN’s way of screwing with us. You see? We could have made this so much worse for you! Matt Millen, granted, is much better behind a mic than he was in the front office. Still, and this has been said before, his authority as a football guy is totally shot. What could he possibly add to a telecast now? Is there something that he’d know that 35 million other people wouldn’t? Other than what William Clay Ford looks like inside of a 12-year-old? Enjoy 2009 Lions fans; it’s not every season that you get a guarantee of not doing worse than the year before.
|GameOn|
The jubilation over Matt Millen’s firing is so widespread that it would be wrong to not give him one more kick in the pants as he walks sadly away. Above is a photo from the Detroit Free Press’s massive photo essay on Millen. Feel free to sift through it to see pictures of him mowing his lawn and feasting on the shattered dreams of Lions fans. (via Deadspin)
After the jump, enjoy the absolutely perfect video tribute from Tirico Suave. It makes you feel good about other people’s misfortune, which is just about the nicest thing I can say about anything.
Just days after Lions’ vice chairman Bill Ford publicly stated that bumbling oaf and team president/GM Matt Millen should be fired, Jay Glazer has reported that the reign of incompetence is finally over:
Millen was informed of the move last night during a late-night high-level meeting. This morning several people within the building confirmed that he had large packing boxes in his office and he made his way around to different employees telling them of the move.
It is unclear if Millen was fired or removed himself from the equation…
I like to think it was neither. The way I see it, an angry mob stood outside the complex with torches and pitchforks, and the Fords tossed Millen into the crowd in order to save themselves. Then the crowd was like, “Actually, we were just here to demand more environmentally friendly cars from the Ford Corporation.” But I’d like to think that they had the common sense to stab and burn him to death anyway.
Everyone on the planet knows that Matt Millen is absolutely horrible at his job, but Lions owner William Clay Ford still won’t fire him, even with an NFL-worst 31-84 record since Millen was hired in 2001. Now, with Detroit falling to 0-3, Ford’s son Bill — the Lions’ vice chairman — is speaking out.
“I think the fans deserve better and if it were in my authority, which it’s not, I’d make some significant changes,” Ford said Monday.
Asked by a reporter if he believed Millen should leave the team, Ford said, “Yes, I do.”
This isn’t some talking head at ESPN saying Millen sucks. It’s the team’s vice chairman. It’s like if Dick Cheney spoke out against the president’s choice for Secretary of Defense, or if my mom asked my dad why he was teaching me to throw, because I was “gonna grow up to be a pussy anyway.”
…I’ll have you know that last example was strictly hypothetical. Ignore the quotes.
[More at Kissing Suzy Kolber]
