Today marks the third and final day of memorial services for former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno, who passed away on Sunday. For the past two days, Paterno’s friends, family, former players and fans, as well as PSU students and faculty, have shown their respect for the man that doctors say died of complications from lung cancer, while those mourning believe it was a broken heart. More than 12,000 people will fill the Bryce Jordan Center today for the final memorial service.

But of course he won’t rest peacefully, because we won’t stop talking about him. While we mostly loathe and detest them, the Westboro Baptist Church members will be protesting today’s service, as they apparently couldn’t sue enough people to afford hotel rooms yesterday, and they unfortunately represent the heated conversation about Paterno’s legacy that will undoubtedly continue for years.

I don’t have much of an opinion on that, though, as I’ve previously written. There are obviously many people who will overlook the last three months of Paterno’s life in favor of what he did for 46 years. And there are others who will do the complete opposite. If anything, these last three days have been a massive effort by the former to soften the criticism of the latter, but I really doubt it’s going to work. Judgment is easily passed by people who don’t have time to wait for answers.

It’s a good thing so many people were there for each other to mourn their hero, because they’ll need each other to get through the entire Jerry Sandusky ordeal and what he and his alleged actions will ultimately mean to Paterno’s legacy.

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A ton of stuff happens in the sports world each week and there are only two of us here to try to scoop up as much as we can and shove into all into your eyeballs like an ocular smoothie of awesome. So of course we’re bound to miss a few things here or there. For instance, did you know former WWE diva and current George Clooney love interest Stacy Keibler went golfing on her vacation from standing still and looking hot? See, this is the kind of stuff we shouldn’t be missing out on.

Thankfully, I keep a few hundred folders of random sports photos on my computer to cover up my incredible collection of adult anime stills, and I figured that we could clear a few of them out with this new weekly feature, the Wednesday Wild Card. Today we’ll pay a visit to New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and see what he did to prepare for his loss to the New York Giants, while David Beckham signs some autographs, Kim Kardashian and Matt Millen cry, and the World Series of Poker pays out again.

Please hold your applause until the end.

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So far this week we’ve shared with you Tinyballs, Saturday Night Live’s parody of Moneyball, and College Humor’s Too Much Moneyball, but it’s not over yet — I guess the comedic possibilities of that “fifty feet of crap” speech are too enticing, because Funny Or Die has chimed in with their own version about Matt Millen’s run as general manager of the Detroit Lions. I also would’ve accepted Millen Dollar Baby, especially if they killed him at the end.

The video has its high points (Patrick Willis being good at football as “the same old nonsense”, somebody stealing my “judge players solely on how good they are in video games” style) and its low points (knocking the WNBA, because seriously, who still thinks that’s funny) but is worth it almost solely for the The Dugout-style representation of Joey Harrington as a scarf-wearing piano player who can only throw the football behind him.

That all being said, man, somebody release another movie of worth so we can keep “fifty feet of crap” from being this year’s Bullet-time.

Matt Millen has three Super Bowl rings from his 12-year career as a linebacker in the NFL, but he will never be remembered for that. What he will be remembered for is the 31-97 record that the Detroit Lions posted in the 8 years that he was president of the franchise. Millen was eventually fired (or resigned if you believe the PR spin) in 2008, when the team finished an astounding 0-16, after which he returned to the broadcast booth much to the nation’s joy.

Now that John Elway is following in Millen’s player-to-personnel footsteps as the new executive vice president of the Denver Broncos, the man who oversaw the Lions’ Decade of Destruction is finally willing to admit that he sucked.

Boo this man, Detroit Free Press… BOO HIM!

“I hope John does better than I did, because I stunk at it,” Millen told the paper.

More excerpts from Millen’s “Terrible General Managing for Dummies” after the jump…

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So the whole Steve Phillips fiasco has reached its inevitable conclusion: ESPN canned his ass. They waited until Sunday night to make the announcement, and then loaded his career into a Mayflower truck and drove nonstop to Indianapolis.

“Steve Phillips is no longer working for ESPN,” network spokesman Josh Krulewitz said in a statement. “His ability to be an effective representative for ESPN has been significantly and irreparably damaged, and it became evident it was time to part ways.” –ESPN, via Deadspin.

I guess I understand–how much credibility does a guy have after he knocked boots with this? But if that’s the case, why does former Detroit Lions GM Matt Millen still have a job at the network? That guy dicked an entire city. For YEARS. And what does he get for his trouble? He gets to go on TV and tell everyone how much he knows about football. My ass. Oh, but he’s great on TV. No, the same rule applies. That asshole may as well have “0-16″ tattooed onto his forehead, because that’s the only thought I can process whenever I see that chump on TV.

ASYLUM POLL: Did Steve Phillips get harsh treatment compared to other ornery celebs?

I think of the ability to fail upwards as more of a gift than a skill, one with which former Detroit Lions general manager Matt Millen seems blessed. After being named as an analyst for ESPN’s upcoming NFL coverage this season, that monolith is now reporting that Millen will also be the color guy for the NFL Network’s Thursday Night Football games.

“Matt Millen is one of the best television analysts in the business and we welcome him back to the booth on Thursday Night Football,” NFL Network president and CEO Steve Bornstein said in a statement. “Matt’s candor, knowledge and passion for the NFL, partnered with Bob Papa, make them a very entertaining and informative announcing team.”

Millen was hired in May by ESPN to serve as a college football game analyst and will contribute to ESPN’s NFL studio coverage throughout the year, appearing on “Monday Night Countdown,” “NFL Live,” “SportsCenter,” ESPNEWS and other programs.

Look, I don’t care what kind of TV guy he was before he took the Lions’ GM job in 2001. His credibility is shot; he may as well have “0-16″ tattooed onto his forehead, because that’s the only thing I think of when I see him. Like when some people (not me, but some) see Kobe, all they can think about is Eagle, Colorado. Matt Millen raped an entire franchise, and for these networks to thrust him back in front of a camera as some know-it-all is insulting. Suddenly, not getting the NFL Network is a good thing.