The ESPYs were last night, and the event holds little value to me since it’s ESPN and there’s still no award for “Transgender Athlete Of The Year,” the award for which should be a 3-night stay at Eddie Murphy’s house. Get it? Because…that one time…ah, forget it.
Anyhoo, we need to have a little conversation about Matt Leinart, who’s already been his own boy band for some time. It’s an image he’s been trying to fight, literally, for a while now, and then he goes and does this. And I get that the ESPYs is not exactly black-tie, but you’re telling me that you couldn’t do any better than some baby blue sweater that your mom bought for you? You look like a third grader on picture day. Buy a jacket. Put it on. Buy pants that fit. I know life is hard for a pro quarterback in July, but you can do it. This is a lot easier than pretending to be a leader in an NFL locker room.
Here are more images of peeps at the ESPYs. I think the woman in the black dress looks pretty good. Really, how hard is it to get dressed up for one of these things? They rolled out a red carpet for you people. A RED CARPET! No one mockingly throws on any old thing in the face of such prestigious floor covering! Although I should talk: I don’t even wear pants to work. But, to be fair, my carpet is more like a light beige number. I like beige. I like to roll around on it in my underwear after I get irritated for people’s poor wardrobe choices. UPDATE: I’ve been told this pic is from last year’s ESPYs, but it’s hard to confirm because 1) the image is undated and 2) I don’t really care. via via
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The Arizona Cardinals’ Matt Leinart is really raising the bar for clipboard-holding conditioning by taking up mixed martial arts training, a suggestion handed over from FOX Sports NFL writer/aspiring Subway sandwich artist Jay Glazer, a gentleman who just oozes physical fitness. From the Cardinals’ team page, via KSK:
“I really had no idea what I was getting myself into,” Leinart said with a smile. “But in a good way.”
After the first day, Glazer – who lives in the Valley and trains with the Cardinals at Arizona Combat Sports in Tempe — said he thought Leinart had “no shot” to return for more. When Leinart did come back, Glazer made it even more difficult.
“He was hurting,” Glazer said. “I tried to get him to puke. I tried to get him to quit. But he is not the guy I thought he was. He is a tough dude.”
To reiterate: HE IS NOT WHO WE THOUGHT HE WAS. Sure, Leinart might have MMA training on his side, but Kurt Warner still has Jesus. There’s a reason fighters thank The Lord after they win every fight, and it isn’t because he helps you sculpt your abs.
Cardinals quarterback and former USC standout Matt Leinart continues his offseason regimen of hanging out in the hot tub and getting underage coeds from Arizona State drunk. Does God hate you? Before today, we couldn't be sure. But these photos pretty much confirm it. Sorry.
The Dirty has the details on many of the girls in these (and more) photographs, and it appears most or all of them graduated high school in 2006, placing them in the 19-20 age range. Leinart is just shy of his 25th birthday, so there doesn't seem to be anything too scandalous about this party. Oh, well, except the illegal part. Excuuuuuuse me, Mister Clarence Darrow. Not all Americans know every obscure blue law in the country, like "the drinking age is 21" or whatever.
Leinart's buddy Nick Lachey, on the other hand, is 34. If you're 34 and can tolerate a conversation with a 19-year-old girl, congratulations: you are functionally retarded. But I guess the TV show about being married to Jessica Simpson probably should have tipped us off about that one.
Man nothing tells me I'm doing an awesome job of reporting on sports gossip than when I pick up on a story two days after it hits the gossip pages. Kristin Cavallari, that chick from that MTV show that led to that other MTV show that led to The Hills, celebrated her 21st birthday on Saturday night, then she banged occasional Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart. Well, probably.
Reality show star Kristin Cavallari celebrated her 21st birthday in the company of former flame NFL quarterback Matt Leinart early Saturday at Pure Nightclub at Caesars Palace. When Cavallari, in town to serve as Pure's celebrity host on Saturday, and her friends showed up at Pure about 1 a.m., Leinart was waiting in the VIP section… The former Heisman Trophy winner and former star of "Laguna Beach" were seen leaving together about 3:30 a.m., when both groups left together.
The thing I don't understand is that the photos of her in the red dress are titled "21st birthday at LAX nightclub" and are dated Saturday night. So are LAX and Pure the same place, or did she have two birthdays on the same night? Well, the answer is, Who cares? The real issue is why she's covering up those sweater kittens in that boring red dress. Don't straighten your hair and throw on a bunch of body glitter and try to tell me you're sexy, Tinker Bell, because that don't fly around here.
Anyway, the bikini photos are from last summer, because who does she think she is? Trying to be demure, my ass. Release a sex tape already.
GQ, the magazine for closeted gay men who aren't quite ready for the leap of gayness that is Men's Health, features several of the NFL's most talented young quarterbacks, plus Ben Roethlisberger, in this month's issue.
There's too much goodness for me to delve into details, so expect a more thorough breakdown from me at Kissing Suzy Kolber tomorrow. In the meantime, you deserve to see Browns QB James Dean Brady Quinn, plus JaMarcus Russell in a coat he borrowed from Vin Diesel in XXX. Matt Leinart only did the shoot because he got to keep the model.
In a related story, be sure to look for Trent Green's favorite places to eat a 5 a.m. breakfast in next month's AARP Magazine.
(Big ups: J.E. Skeets)
Arizona Cardinals quarterback / baby-daddy / man-whore to the stars Matt Leinart made news when he fired uber-agency CAA for undisclosed reasons last week. This week, SPORTSbyBROOKS un-undiscloses those reasons:
SbB has recently learned that… the main reason Leinart rejected the representation superpower is he was enraged that Peyton Manning, also a CAA client and repped by [Tom] Condon, got to host "Saturday Night Live" before he did. Seriously.
Brooks doesn't come close to hinting at what kind of source he has, so this hilarious tidbit of news will have to stay filed under "Internet rumor," but I, for one, believe it. Not because it's believable — it sounds entirely too ridiculous — but because Brooks not only has a rep for getting the inside track on stories, but also because he's out in LA, doin' what he do, and people out there have notoriously loose lips. So, at the very least, this is a real-world rumor, and not merely an Internet one.
Regardless, I don't understand why he'd be angry. If he wants to be on a show no one watches, I'm sure the Blog Show will have him as a guest.
