It’s just some fat girl walking in a swimsuit. I talk about basketball in a moment.

Sports

Dwight Howard Strongly Considering Playing Overseas - I wish I was famous enough to have this be a headline about me. “Brandon Stroud Thinking About Swimming In Mediterranean, Probably Won’t”. That would be so awesome. [Smoking Section]

Kenny Florian and JZ Cavalcante Want to Kick Each Others Stupid Nuts - I write a lot about pro wrestling so I can’t make a lot of gay jokes about something obviously not gay (nor should I make gay jokes about gay things, but work with me here). However, it would be nice if MMA guys were at least aware of how super gay they are when they say they want each others’ nuts. [Cage Potato]

The World Cup Truffle Shuffle Kid is My New Hero - Sometimes a sports story is so important it gets covered on the movie section of our network. This fat kid lifting up his shirt at the World Cup is one of those moments. [Film Drunk]

Al Michaels is a Man For All Seasons, So Long As There Are Four - I miss those days of childhood innocence where all the sports announcers seemed like cool guys who loved sports. I thought Craig Kilborn was so funny. Sigh. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

With Leather

The Best and Worst of WWE Money in the Bank 2011 - Before you read today’s Best and Worst of Raw, go back and read the more-or-less “Best and Best” recap of one of the best pay-per-views ever. If you don’t watch wrestling, this is a great place to start. That girl on the left is in it, and boy, is she just as awesome as she looks. [With Leather]

Kate Upton is a Chubbish Ball of Attainable Fat Lady - Okay, sorry for that hoggish monster in the intro video. We won’t be covering her again. Go here to see the last time we did, and suffer through 50 pictures of her before reading comments from cool guys with hot, skinny girlfriends who just don’t think she’s “all that”. [With Leather]

2011 Women’s World Cup in Pictures - And then, enjoy girls who are extremely fit! And one awesome kid who is not. [With Leather]

Punte Interviews Matt Cassel - My dumb wrestling recaps get a bunch of traffic that should go to stuff like this, where Josh talks to actual sports celebrities about things that matter. Like, uh, their abdominal muscles. Well, read it anyway. [With Leather]

Not Sports

Owling is the New Planking - The best thing about these dumb photo memes is that the people who do them have the attention span of a rake, so they stop doing them about two weeks in. I’m sure in two weeks owling will be out of style and Gilbert Arenas will be doing handstands and tweeting about how awesome they are. Do it, it’s called HANDING! [UPROXX]

At Long Last, The New Rebecca Black Single Has Arrived - And it’s about how famous she is! What’s with all these songs about people telling singers they’re never going to make it? Who does that? I’ve never gone to a concert and walked up to the musicians and said “man, you guys are just never going to sell a lot of albums”. [Uproxx]

TV’s 20 Most Punchable Faces - I’m still sad that any number of Parks and Recreation secondary characters I suggested didn’t make the list. Come on, Marcia Langman! She’s like Marcia Gay Harden in “Office” form! [Warming Glow]

Doritos Says Women Prefer Gaming to Sex - Why are we asking Doritos things? They’ve been trying to tell us “Cool Ranch” is a legitimate flavor for something to have for over 20 years. [Gamma Squad]

Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Matt Cassel led his team to an AFC West title last season. Not bad for a guy that never started a game in college. When K-Swiss had their four-day shoot to restart their awesome Kenny Powers “MFCEO” campaign, With Leather’s Josh Zerkle was invited to check it out and spend time with the athletes supporting the California-based shoe brand. Cassel was reached via phone on his way home from relief work in Joplin and asked about his experiences with the K-Swiss campaign.  Portions of this Q&A were edited for clarity and space.

How did you fare on camera for the commercial shoot in Wilmington, NC?

To be completely honest, I have no idea how I fared on camera, because most of the first day I was there, Patrick [Willis] was there and he had his shirt off the entire time, and I just…I don’t think he had a shirt on the entire day. Let’s just put it that way.

[Laughing]

I told them, “Look, I’m wearing a shirt, okay?” I, for some reason, was not genetically blessed with the six-pack and that whole deal. So as you watch the video, I think you’re going to recognize, one, that I was overshadowed from the body standpoint, but that’s okay. I told them, “Maybe you could play around with the special effects, hook me up, ya know?”

[Laughing]

But seriously, it was a blast. We had a lot of fun. K-Swiss is a great company, and to go to Wilmington and do a photo shoot and commercial shoot with Danny McBride or Kenny Powers was totally cool because I’m a Kenny Powers fan.

Oh yeah. Patrick told me that K-Swiss doesn’t make a cleat, so you have to wear a shoe from another company when you play. You should get on them about that.

I think they should do it. I’m ready to rock and roll. Just put some cleats on the bottom of the shoes they already have and “Let’s go.” But off the field, I’m always wearing their products, and it’s great stuff.

I know you’re doing some relief work in Joplin where that tornado came down. How did you get involved in that?

You know, it’s crazy. [Chiefs guard] Ryan Lilja said, “Hey, let’s head down to Joplin,” and I said, “Great idea.” So we went down there with a group, and thankfully Ryan hooked up with a church group that had been down here since the beginning. But the thing that shocked me the first time I came down here, I was driving over Main Street and I could get a subtle hint of what was going on. I’d see a window smashed out or something like that, and then I’d get to the top of Main Street and…I’d say you could look down and see a two-to-three mile radius. Just complete destruction.

Whoa.

The thing I would compare it to is a nuclear bomb going off. I mean, there was nothing. There’s a wall standing up, but there’d be huge trees that were just uprooted, splintered down the middle, and those were everywhere. And I’ll never forget getting out of the car and smelling that gasoline smell, ya know? It’s just…it’s pretty crazy.

Now, you’ve only been in Kansas City for a couple years, but obviously you play for the Chiefs. You’re only three hours away. Did people recognize you? Were you stopped a lot down there?

Well, the first year I was here, it was such an adjustment period for me. I was moving my family for the first time in four years. I was coming to a new franchise that did things a little differently than the Patriots did. I didn’t do a lot of stuff out in the community because I was just trying to get my bearings about me. It was hard to reach out when I didn’t even know which freeway I was supposed to be driving on.

[Laughing].

But last offseason and this offseason have been nice because I’ve been able to give back to the community, do more outreach and really get involved, so they recongize me a little bit more than when I first got here.

I know you’re friends with Carson Palmer. I read that he was the best man at your wedding. Can I ask you if–

You know what? I wanna correct you. Carson wasn’t the best man at my wedding.

He wasn’t?

No. Everybody thinks that. He was at my wedding, but he wasn’t my best man.

Thank you for correcting me. But Carson says he’s done in Cincinnati. I believe him. Do you?

I don’t know that. In talking to Carson, I think he does want to continue his career. It’s a complicated situation, and it takes a lot more information that I’m not privy to…to know that. But I support him in whatever he wants to do, and I hope it works out for him and his family.

Alright, let’s bring this back to you. Obviously, the most amazing thing about your story was that you never started a game in college and yet you were still drafted in 2005.  And then after being stuck behind Matt Leinart, you were stuck behind Tom Brady. Were you itching to finally get out there and play? Or were you just happy to be there?

You know, to be completely honest, I wasn’t sure which direction my career was gonna go after college. I knew if you were playing the odds, you’d probably bet against me. I really don’t think that’s been done in the history of the NFL, though I don’t know for sure. I threw 32 passes in all of college.

Yep. Not much of a sample size.

When I first got to the Patriots, I was fifth on the depth chart. First day of mini-camp, I walked in and [Patriots coach] Bill [Belichick] made sure you knew where you were, but at the same time he said, “You make your own destiny, and if you perform better than this guy, you’re gonna play.”

But my main focus that first year was making the team, and when I did, obviously I was just excited to be on the team, and from there, my focus went toward trying to become a better quarterback. So I emulated Tom and asked a lot of questions. I was almost annoying with the number of questions that I asked, but that couldn’t have been a better situation for me, because in any other organization, I don’t know if those people would have given their time or patience to develop me.

They let me play a ton in preseason. I played three quarters against Miami at the end of my rookie season, which was the most extended playing time I’d had in my entire career since high school. It just gave me confidence to know that they believed in me, especially since the following year they only carried two quarterbacks.

From there, it just came down to an opportunity. I had learned and I had prepared to the best of my ability and I was ready to play whenever an opportunity finally came up.

It looks like Funny Or Die has officially embraced the longstanding Tosh.0 tradition of cramming your funny video full of sports celebrities to get it covered everywhere on the Internet — just a week after they recast Dennis Haysbert as Terrence Mann in a Twilight-flavored Field of Dreams sequel, Funny Or Die has revisited the Kenny Powers K-Swiss endorsement by having him take over the company and stock it with everyone from Matt Cassel to Rey Mysterio.

Watch the full video below, with two major warnings:

1. It is extremely funny, and
2. It features Kenny Powers, so please anticipate the foul language and adult situations that result.

This includes boob mugs and high-fiving dead animals.

Because this is also television related, be sure to head over to Warming Glow and watch all the awesome follow-up and behind-the-scenes videos that go along with it. Who knew you could bottle the scent … of boner?

[h/t Cajun Boy]

The football star was in line for the bathroom at ESPN’s Tampa Bay Super Bowl bash Friday night when a drunken reveler tried to cut in front of him. “Matt told him to wait his turn and headed into the urinals,” a spy tells us. Moments later, the fella barged in and proceeded to purposefully pee directly on Cassel’s leg. After security tossed the drunk, Cassel headed back out into the crowd, wet pants and all.

Wait, so he… turned the other cheek?  He didn’t freak out and take a swing at the guy? Dammit, Matt Cassel, your responsible, even-tempered approach to adversity gets me nowhere.  Do you care nothing of my business?

Listen, pro athletes, I need you people to go ahead and beat the hell out of drunks like this.  Or stab them. Don’t do it for me.  Do it for yourselves.  If I’ve learned anything from the movies, it’s that stabbing solves everything.  Especially knife fights.

Matt Cassel somehow threw for 400 yards and three touchdown passes, which is odd, because watching the game the only thing I could think was “career backup.”  Don’t ask that guy for anything longer than a 15-yard completion.  On the other side of the ball, Brett Favre didn’t even throw an interception, so you KNOW it wasn’t a fun game to watch.

There are only two ways you cared about this game.  One was you had fantasy players involved.  The other is you’re a douchebag.  Sorry.  Facts is facts.

“There never has been one injury, so early in the season, that has affected football and a team’s chance of winning more than the Tom Brady injury…  The Patriots are still favored to make the playoffs, but have fallen into being categorized as no better than the 6^th or 7th best team in the AFC until Matt Cassel proves differently.”

It’s also affected odds for Super Bowl favorites.  The Cowboys are now favorites at 4-1, while the Pats have fallen to 20-1, behind teams like the Packers and the Vikings (both 15-1).  Because Aaron Rodgers and Tarvaris Jackson are so much more proven than Matt Cassel, no doubt.